Lately when people ask how I've been going I reply honestly "The world is sick, but I am healthy"
this post was submitted on 06 Jul 2026
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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definitely not just uploading a picture of one of my plants because i forgot about this mega
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The horrors persist but so do I.
That's what I adapted it from. I wanted something that strongly emphasized how well I'm doing:
-nearly 1.5 years on HRT, levels amazing due to implant, physically in great shape
-navigating long term relationship ending in a way where we still are good friends
-new girlfriend who I really like, great social life and supports
-work where I'm respected and openly trans
-mental health fantastic, about to start stimulant for newly diagnosed ADHD
got a bit worried about my phone's battery life already tanking on me, no apparently for a little bit there I was just on the thing constantly 
Was gonna be a decent day but then the last hour and change happened and I feel like
spoiler
The most dejected unlovable stupid tr*nny freak alive. So far behind, so unwanted, so idiotic, and most of all pathetic. Wish I had the guts to hurt myself but noooo I'm on this "trying to be better" shtick god damn it.
::: spoiler spoiler
I'm sorry RION, idk what happened but those thoughts and feelings fucking suck. Tbh its good to not have the guts to hurt yourself. It doesnt make it all go away. But I get it. Meeting intensity with intensity is sometimes the only thing I can think of. Big hugs girl, and maybe you can focus on the part of the day that was alright? Put on some silly TV and eat some ice cream? What would you do if you broke your leg or twisted your ankle or had some physical injury? Be kind to yourself
Just not dealing with feelings of rejection very well... Hard to explain without embarrassing myself.
Plus I had to say goodbye to the cat I was fostering today which really hurt. For the month or so that I had her I felt like I was actually worth something for once.
I cried and ate dinner and bought some steam games. Thank you for caring
Hugs offered if wanted, bigbighugs. Its ok to not explain. Rejection really hurts, its one of the deep seated fears I have cause of how painful it is. and fostering is so wonderful, but so so painful at the end. I couldn't do it, I'd just end up adopting literally all the animals. I'm glad you got some food and are doing some self care
I don't know what's going on but I've been feeling very stressed and high strung for the past few days.
sorry Sodium
I want to start publishing my poetry online but am really nervous to do so.
I write in both English and French, Iβm pretty much the only French speaker I know so sharing it on my Instagram where no one can understand it might be a good first step.
I gotta like lay off the web novels for a while and do some more fulfilling things cause these things are for like powering through a rough quarter not for wasting your vacation on
oki i finally got into wh40k mood and am playing Rogue Trader.
Why is it that every Owlcat gayme has a 10h prologue that makes me bounce off five times before I finally crack through and get obsessed with the game? anyways I'm iconoclasting all over the place, shooting dogmatists and heretics in the face and trying to woo Yrliet, the love of my life, who thinks I'm a disgusting mon'keigh so it's definitely going to happen! 
the melta gun sound effects and visuals are top tier 
Said goodbye to the cool intern girl I met recently at work and nervously asked if she wanted to hang out or keep in touch and turned out she was already thinking about asking me!! But she said "Oh I was talking with my girlfriend about this cool guy I met at work and she said we should just swap numbers" which did not feel good... And before this I'd handed her my number which had my new/real name written on it... Maybe she was just keeping with the kayfabe I've established?
Okay I think she legit did not put it together because she swung by my office right before leaving and asked if the name I wrote was mine and I said yes, then she asked pronouns and I said she/her, and then she was sooooo sorry it was really sweet. Seriously this girl was beside herself, I tried to let her know it's okay but idk if it sunk in. Hope that doesn't stop her from reaching out because I'd love to get to know her better
Hope that doesn't stop her from reaching out because I'd love to get to know her better
Without knowing the situation honestly I think it improves your chances.
(To clarify does she have a girlfriend or a girl-frind? Are you looking for a relationship or friendship)
Unless someone is transphobic, finding out someone out is not a man is a relief to many women.
GirlfriendβI think she's attractive but she's also just chill and cool so just friends is fine
Okay yeah in that situation you being trans is better, being a transfem is cooler (and safer) than being a cool guy
The Banshees of Inisherin. 10/10
short mild spoiler review. CW for a variety of heavy emotional topics
The Banshees of Inisherin is one of the most emotionally devastating films I've ever seen. The plot is simple: In 1923 Ireland, two lifelong friends fall apart after one (Brendan Gleeson) suddenly declared he does not like the other (Colin Farrell) anymore. An allegory for the Irish civil war, the devastation comes from it's subtlety. There is no great betrayal, or drunken slander that gets too harsh, Brendan Gleesons character Colm states he no longer likes Farrells character PΓ‘draic simply because he finds PΓ‘draic to be poor, unstimulating company and a wee bit annoying. This cuts incredibly deep for anyone of a certain self conscious social anxiety or gone through a bad breakup. The bulk of the film is PΓ‘draic refusing to accept the new normal, trying to unsuccessfully to repair what is broken while he continues to grow sadder and more desperate, but then turns to anger as Colm rejects his attempts at mending, under threat of self harm. The two men spiral into darkness, both one upping the destruction they cause to themselves and each other, mirroring a civil conflict spiraling out of control and causing deep, decades long division.
10/10. This is the best breakup movie ever made. I will never watch this again (compliment)
If youve never seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind it can be a doozy
spoiler
I actually saw Eternal Sunshine for the first time this year weeks after I had a messy breakdown of a very emotionally intense FWB situation
I went into the movie blind 
A good and bad thing about work today
The good! I got a bunch of scented hand sanitizers and sprays for free. Someone brought in a huge box of them so I grabbed like a dozen. Sadly I can't smell them really at all.
the bad
No gender neutral bathroom/changing area so I have to change in the mens. With my fuckin titties. There is one area with a curtain but its only one, only with a curtain. Hate it. Feels humiliating. Just have to change quickly and hope no one sees me. Most of the time I'm able to change at home but not always.
Can you not bring this up with management?
I'm closeted π plus, I really don't know what accommodation could even be made
Girl at this rate changing in such precarious circumstances risks outing you.
But if you feel like you can't ask management for help (idk they might let you change in a secluded room/office?) then that's fine. We'll not really cause you're getting humiliated but I can't do anything about it 
Cis men get gynecomastia, bam scientific medical word if anyone asks
A gender neutral space would still be better regardless lol
Yeah but pretending to have gynecomastia would suck a lot and there'd still be awkward questions and possibly bullying (if that's a worry).
Yea it really does :/ I'm almost a B
There just isn't another room, my work is very small unfortunately. It's okay, nothing anyone can do but change really fast and as rarely as possible.
Is eggnog the first name or is it bountiful?
spoiler
I've always thought of Eggnog as the primary name.
I think it's kind of a cheerful name.
Didn't want to make assumptions. Thanks for clarifying eggnog-chan
100 days on hrt 
Soon it'll be 100 years on HRT!
Congrats on your milestone
And then soon enough, 1000 years 
Today I didn't do anything at work so I got paid for reading yuri and theory :3
Ah why has this summer vacation not felt like a vacation at all? Why do I be stressing so much?
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