this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2026
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How to get along with NT coworkers, AFAICT (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 weeks ago by schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works to c/autism@lemmy.world
24 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

I've been with this company for six years and been consistently sidelined and denied any opportunity for growth despite being highly qualified.

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[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Also applies to interviews. Here are some (corrected) examples from places I've interviewed at and not gotten hired:

  • Oh, your Spanish clients are doing their intake questions in the waiting room with their translators out loud asking them about their sexual abuse histories? That's absolutely wonderful! Keep up the good work!
  • Oh, you're using Salesforce to track your population of largely illegal immigrants? Oh, that's really wonderful! It must be so convenient to have all that information on a cloud you can't control or secure!
  • Oh, you don't give faraday bags to workers working with illegal immigrants even though ICE buys the location information for every phone number it can? That's a real cost savings for you!
  • Oh, so you're going from 40 clients to 80 clients and are now adding another social worker but your current social worker still wants to have input into all 80 cases somehow and you haven't quite figured out how that's going to work? That's wonderful! I love improvising things like basic responsibilities! Oh, and she's not talking to me at all now even though she's 1/3rd of the interview team? Great! I hate small talk!
  • Oh, you hive off your Spanish-skills examination into a single formal question that can be answered in three sentences? WHat a WONDERFUL way to evaluate how someone works and converses in Spanish! Good work!

What I think I'm doing: showing a concern for the clients and the work and that I can contribute something to making things better.

What I'm actually doing: insulting people and making them hate me.

[–] themaninblack@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Christ almighty what a failure of personal ethics on behalf of all involved in that org

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago

It's divided among three different orgs/interviews.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)

I'm also getting really reactive to downvotes and this post already has one.

Et tu, Bruté?

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I downvote every post that uses the Drake meme instead of the plethora of non-shitbag alternatives.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works -1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I appreciate the effort, bro, but I can't find a SINGLE 3-panel Geordi meme maker, and that is the one that is by far the most familiar.

So, since you are so hot and bothered by Drake, why don't you submit one to ImgFlip and let me know about it? Or any of you other people downvoting Drake instinctively can do it.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago

Lol

[–] Lexam@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't take it personally. There's someone out there that downvotes about every post here.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago

They followed me from reddit lol

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Probably because you used a pedophile for a meme...

That's why I downvote every one of these i see, and I doubt I'm alone.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago

Ah. Is there another three-panel meme that works for this?

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

"You're so smart" sounds a bit condescending in a workplace and commenting on someones looks may not be workplace appropriate either.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

True, but this is a sarcastic exaggeration. The idea is to just compliment people constantly and never say anything that may even tangentiallly been seen as criticism in any way. Despite the official purpose of work as a place to get things done the best way possible, the unofficial purpose--the thing that mostly gets rewarded--is ingratiating yourself to people.

Or maybe I'm just an asshole, which also starts with a.

Edit: I feel this: https://www.equanimitypsychologyservices.com/blog-3-1/why-im-an-autistic-asshole

Especially:

😠 Being Direct Isn’t Being Rude

I value truth and accuracy over social fluff. If you say something incorrect, I might correct you—but it’s not because I want to embarrass you. It’s because I feel compelled to set the record straight. And yes, I’m also wrong sometimes, especially when it comes to social nuances.

  • I’m not trying to hurt your feelings.
  • I’m just more interested in facts than sugarcoating.
  • Assertiveness isn’t aggression.
[–] ExcessShiv@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Being direct isn't necessarily rude no. But you absolutely can be rude while being direct, depending on how you phrase things. And you can still be direct while considering your phrasing so you avoid being rude. Hiding rudeness behind "being direct" is just being a douche.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works -1 points 2 weeks ago

Would it be rude to tell you that I found your comment extremely unhelpful?

You are in an autistic sub talking to someone who has suffered greatly at work just because he assumes he is talking to professionals who want to do their job better and not butthurt babies who are looking for constant reassurance.

Example: when I mentioned HR's use of third-party e-mails during their onboarding process during a company-wide (including our parent organization) IT training on phishing and security, they sent someone down from the main office JUST TO TALK TO ME.

You know what her message was?

It's not what you said, it's how you said it.

Translation:

It is what you said and never embarass us in front of the company like that again. But we are too cowardly to admit that this is a pure power play on our part so we are going to blame you for being too direct.

All you're doing is using shitty slimey evasive topic-changing tactics of those shitheels.

Which I do not find helpful.

[–] BCsven@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Its what some people need to hear to cooperate in workplace. Half of working is pleasing somebody else's insecurities

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

I work in a very small department and we're all pretty much there to help manage our boss's insecurities and anxieties, which is always a moving target.

[–] Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I have found that if I tell people how smart they are they are more receptive to feedback.

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago

I have always found people to be far more accepting when saying the ideas are good, rather then the person in general.

[–] disregardable@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Naw this is 100% how they work. If they don't already like you, you can't say shit lol.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 weeks ago

I'm thinking of just complimenting everyone all the time now.

The only thing is I don't think I can do it without quivering in rage.

[–] TerdFerguson@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 weeks ago

[–] TerdFerguson@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Neurotypical people prioritize vibes over most things socially... and you're disabled in vibe detection and vibe projection.

If you want to level up your career, you need to practice interviewing and find somewhere else that will hire you... In my experience, internal career growth happens for people who get along well with the social end of things. I may suck at that, but I learned to handle the brief intensity of masking well for an interview.

Best thing to do is try to move around every couple years until you find a job where you can just focus on the work and disregard the social nonsense.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago

I'm not disabled that way... I just don't care to socialize with most of them because I find them uninteresting and it's painful to be in large group situations with a bunch of people that already know and like each other and be the odd one out. But I also think most people in my profession are dumb, and the entire profession is basically deluded, though there a few good people doing good work, so I probably carry that energy around everywhere.

I'm not in a field where good work is noticed or rewarded or appreciated--only egregiously bad work is noticed, but often ignored.. Everyone is interchangeable, so getting along and fitting in are absolutely necessary. .

Honestly, I think I might be entirely done with it.

Interviewing for a fast food job today. I don't know what else to do.