this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] moopet@sh.itjust.works 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

This post has literally inspired me to order a pizza for my lunch today rather than open the fridge.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 19 hours ago

congratulations!

[–] TheFerrango@feddit.it 77 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Pizza shop is 4 minutes away

Orders delivery

Joke’s on OP

[–] nullspace@lemmy.world 43 points 1 day ago (13 children)

Ordering a personal taxi for your food instead of walking a few blocks is peak American.

[–] abysmalpoptart@lemmy.world 37 points 1 day ago

To be fair, typically in America (outside of major cities and certain planned neighborhoods), 4 minutes away implies by car. Even if driving only 20mph (unlikely), the pizza shop would be a minimum 1.3 miles away, which would be more like a 30+ minute walk for a pizza.

On top of that, there's almost no safe walking paths by design. You would likely have to traverse major roads with no sidewalks, crosswalks, or even pedestrian stop lights.

It's an unfortunate design that many are stuck with.

[–] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (13 children)

Unironically, yes.

It doesn't occur to most Americans to walk a bit instead of drive.

This is exacerbated by the design of American neighborhoods that discourages walking and encourages driving, which of course becomes a feedback loop where Americans don't walk because their neighborhoods aren't designed for it - or worse - designed against it, and so our neighborhoods are designed for people who don't walk, etc.

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[–] dil@piefed.zip 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It was cheaper and faster to doordash a restaurant quite literally across the street in college, I tested it a few times when my friends would go to buy food there and mine would come like 10 minutes before they got back. Literally across the street, like a 1 minute walk max.

[–] some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

That sounds like the before days. These days, they profit the fuck out of us. Kids in college now know no different. Fuck these types of businesses

[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] lessthanluigi 2 points 11 hours ago

Walking 30mph

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

You walk at a brisk pace!

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[–] arctanthrope@lemmy.world 83 points 2 days ago (2 children)

if an 8 minute round trip saves you $15, then you're essentially paying yourself $112.50/hr to be your own delivery driver

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And yet the delivery driver makes fuckall.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago

That's the part that's criminal about delivery fees not going to the driver. My nephew used to deliver for a pizza place but then switched to Uber Eats after his pizza company outsourced and fired all the drivers.

People place orders and see that they're paying a delivery fee, a service fee, and a higher menu price than ordering in the store and then think that they don't need to tip much (if anything) because surely that money is going to the driver doing the actual work and deliverying the food.

But nope, the driver gets paid very little for taking an order. The tip is the vast majority of their salary. My nephew will show me screenshots of orders that he gets that will be like "drive 10 miles to pickup the order, then 5 miles to picked the second piece of the order, then 10 miles to deliver it - for $2.00."

What's worse is that since companies have figured out they can hide this from consumers and get away with it, they've expanded to stuff like "same day delivery" from retail stores. Customers think "same day delivery" is the equivalent to an item being shipped, so would never consider tipping. But it turns out those services are also going through delivery drivers like Uber Eats, meaning someone will pick up a retail order in their own car and get paid next to nothing without tips (which most people don't even think to pay).

Tipping in lieu of salary is a scam.

[–] Ice@lemmy.zip 18 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yeah that's some pretty insane cost/benefit for time.

It's one of those things I like doing to encourage myself to do things. "OK so if I do this thing by myself, what am I 'getting paid'?"

...and then I compare that to the number of hours I'd have to work to earn the same amount of money (after taxes).

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Second anon is an illuminati lizard person shill tryna get people to eat bugs.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 35 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If it's 4 minutes away why not walk? The fuck?

[–] Zorcron@lemmy.zip 59 points 2 days ago (2 children)

They probably mean a 4 minute drive, which would be like a 30 minute walk, assuming you can cross the 6-lane monstrosity of a road that the pizza place is on without being smushed by a lifted F-250.

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[–] protist@retrofed.com 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)

$10 + $7 + $2 or $3 = $19 or $20. Sales tax would be less than a dollar. Anon's unhealthy lifestyle is causing cognitive decline

[–] tmyakal@infosec.pub 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

sales tax would be less than a dollar

Entirely locality dependent. Where I live, tax on a $20 tab would be a little under $2. I know there's some municipalities where it'd be as high as $2.40.

So, sure, technically still not $25, but once you need more than a $20 bill, it's not obscene to round up to the nearest $5.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 4 points 1 day ago

Where I'm at, I'm pretty sure sales taxes aren't assessed on the fees, only on the product

[–] bequirtle@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

you see, the delivery fee is $7, but then you also have to pay $5 in "other fees", whatever that means

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[–] Mwa@thelemmy.club 0 points 19 hours ago

There are delivery apps the delivery Fee is lower based on how near the restaurant is.

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (13 children)

It's remarkable how much people will complain about delivery fees and refuse to cook themselves, or even go out and buy premade food

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[–] Bad_Ideas_In_Bulk@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago (7 children)

While there is nutrition value to some bugs, most grasses pass undigested through the human gut. We are not ruminants Also if you leave bugs for a chicken to eat, you can have eggs instead.

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[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

I assume op just burned and extra $5 for fun as part of this whole interaction..

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Many Americans don’t have healthy grass if they have grass in the first place. In many places in the US keeping a pristine grass yard requires a shit ton of human intervention, which means fertilizers and a ton of chemicals. Since grass isn’t native to those areas.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

honestly the way some of you talk about America you make it seem like Ethiopia

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[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 11 points 2 days ago (13 children)

People in Australia are literally like the OP and then say there's a cost of living crisis unironically

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 12 points 2 days ago (11 children)

Right? If they didn't order 25 dollar avocado toast every day, they'd be able to afford a house by the time they're 70.

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