Unethical life pro tip: want to kill yourself but left something for your family? Buy a life insurance policy, call the suicide prevention hotline and wait for the cops to kill you. Isn't technically suicide, so the life insurer can't deny your family claim!!
You think the cops wouldn't mark as a suicide?
Cops will still claim it was suicide-by-cop. Which is some top-tier copaganda, because it’s just another way of them saying “if you call us while in distress, there’s a good chance we’ll kill you then blame you for it.”
Insurance companies hate this new easy trick.
At least in Canada life insurance will still cover you committing suicide, but it has to occur 1-2 years after your plan starts.
Or pay off the corner to list your death as natural causes or something.
Like my uncle did.
What does that mean?
probably to pay sb in advance to falsify the death certificate
Auto correct got me again. Coroner.
For those that are genuinely confused, there's two very important things you must know. The coroner is the job title for the guy who writes up what caused you to die. They do things like autopsies (when required), and they're basically a doctor for dead people.
The other thing is the English idiom of "paying [someone] off", which is basically a common way to not so subtley say that you're bribing them.
So in plain language: there is an extremely good chance that my uncle bribed the coroner to ignore whatever he found on my uncle when he died and say he perished from natural causes. This normally implies something about self deletion and insurance, since insurance basically never pays out if you die by your own hands.
Is anyone still confused? Please let me know if you are and I can address any part of this that might not be crystal clear.
I kinda legit want to check the conditions of my current life insurance policies regarding suicide. Not because I want to off myself today, but because I do want to off myself if I get the stage four diagnosis or some such thing.
Usually, after 2 years suicide is covered.
It's called "Gettin' the job done!"
Can't die from suicide if you die from homicide first
Can't go to hell from suicide if someone kills you
True but unfortunately his pants were 2% elastane so he will, in fact, still be going to hell
That's why I never wear pants at all! See?
Unless he explains to every turtle that died in the world
Kirkland signature stretchy jeans are the GOAT. If I'm going to hell, at least I'll be wearing comfy pants
Oh sht. The cops were the good guys all along. They're angels sent by God to take us all to heaven 🙏🙏🙏
/s (I'm going to vomit from having to type that)
Truly a big brain move by god
I guarantee his death is listed as "suicide" in the official report.
I mean, without context it's hard to tell, but suicide by cops is a thing, some people take advantage of the trigger happiness of cops and make them kill them.
"make" them
cop drops two mags into a non-threat
HE MADE ME DO IT!
reloads for a third mag
gotta be sure
"It's coming right for us!"
Thank you for not saying "clip"
This comment is elsewhere in this post with exclusively upvotes but you getting down voted for some reason lol
saved himself a quarter by not usin one of them fancy suicide booths
That is why you put the quarter on a string
He reportedly yelled "killsteal"
I’m going to hell for laughing so hard at this.
I mean…technically the suicide was prevented.
That could have been the poor man's plan all along. Suicide by cop. Local PD is just providing a free service. If only there was another way.
Trained, qualified police doing quality police work keeping dangerous people with guns off the street, got it.
To anyone who's feeling down around this time of year, call 911 or 988. Nothing is better than having you around.
Edit:
I really feel strongly about this and I misworded my message. Get help if you need it.
You matter to me. I mean that with all of my heart.
Nothing is better than having you around.
I get what you're saying here, but it strikes me as funny that this sentence could also be read to mean that having nothing around is better than having you there.
Oh, wow. That's a different take that I hadn't considered. I'll be anyone's something. Even for a single comment... and that's way better than nothing.
Uhhhhhhhhh, very funny to recommend calling the police in the comments on a post about a man getting killed by the police because he called for help.
Given the context of the post, might not be the best idea
Please don't suggest that people call 911. Not in the replies to this article.
911 doesn't just activate police. It activates Fire and Emergency Medical Srvices aka ambulances if your life is in danger for any reason.
cops murder suicidal man
if youre suicidal, get thr cops involved!
I love your energy, friend. Thank you for caring about strangers. In this world, that means a lot. However, I think this advice is very region-specific. In most of America, for instance, this isn't good advice. This is closer to calling the Army than a crisis counsellor. In other places, where police have the resources to help someone in this position, this may be excellent advice.
There are probably better places to direct people for resources like this. Don't stop fighting; fight more effectively. If you can't find anything better to link people, @ me and I'll try to help
<3
Curb Your Suicide
Never call cops to solve a problem for you because then you have TWO problems.
My make your dreams just dreams
You ok, bud?
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