JustSo

Not proud to admit this made me laugh out loud. I must not revert to post-ironic posadist posting.

Hahahaha.

Okay little guy.

That's a relief. Thank you.

I hope you find them. Or that someone does. Disgusting people.

Every day so far..

Its no small thing to build a life and a home and a community. Let alone doing it again. And again.

I cannot convince my trans friends living in danger to come live with me because they have roots, older fam, various types of kin etc. A life. that they feel they'd be abandoning. They'd rather stay and fight on their feet or at least stubbornly resist until its off to the camps at gunpoint.

And some of these people are witnessing their friends being rounded up by ICE, had family deported under the first Trump admin etc, they are not completely delusional to the reality that may face them.

I imagine this is a sentiment adjacent to that felt by many who you'd think might voluntarily emigrate to escape the American nightmare. There's a lot of romantic notions many peoples heads. Maybe it would feel like a betrayal to leave if your parents or grandparents risked their lives to get you a slice of that American pie.

The couple of documentaries I've seen about Tongan and Samoan deportees working a plot of land in what looks like paradise to me show people who are getting by but treated forever as foreign outsiders, shunned, suspected of being inherently criminal, raised without shared local language and customs etc. Perpetual outsiders.

Its still fucked even when they find relative prosperity. That's the impression I get.

That looks so good. Awesome.

I have communicated to my people that if I die before my dog, he must be allowed to see my corpse. They mourne and feel abandoned if you just disappear, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

I know this puppy is probably too young to have bonded to that extent, but I'm not trying to make a reddit-brained observation about this. What I'm thinking is, yeah, cute puppy, but you murdered and/or displaced its family and same for untold numbers of other dogs, many of which will be bonded to people.

If you have more empathy for dogs than humans, for whatever reason, then even this propaganda should look as fucking miserable as a shellshocked human child cowering under a blanket as the murderers "save" it from their own irreversible atrocities.

I remain, as always, bitterly disgusted and sad.

Fuck Israel. Fuck America. Fuck my country. Death to the empire.

Dead homies.

My career.

The people who left me without explaining why.

Afghan heroin.

Good raves.

My youth.

I dont fucking know, i dont trust the monkey's paw. So nothing I suppose.

It feels like I've seen missiles land with less velocity. The footage is intense. Feels bad, man.

Yeah sorry Ethan I'm not watching all'a that, but I'm happy for u or sorry about those brainworms.

I try not to as much these days, not really sure why. Might just be lifestyle changes mean I'm not in front of my triple monitor rig nor doing anything particularly interesting with my time lately.

But when I am/was working, and particularly before I developed a bunch of substance abuse habits, I would constantly second screen comfort movies and shows that I practically have the scripts for memorised. I found that "actively ignoring" a distraction would help me focus and stay in flow states. Again, likely ADHD/ADID gang shit.

But I'm trying to fully engage with the longform media I do consume now. Partially that's just because I noticed I'd often miss things or find myself completely forgetting that I'd seen something then only have partial recollection when I'd realise I was rewatching something by mistake.

Mainly though its an active attempt to keep training my brain to maintain focus and not let my inattentive traits get worse. Seems to be working, too. I'm even getting way better at fully appreciating anime, where I used to find myself having to sorta choose whether I was going to follow the dialog OR appreciate the animation. Its nice.

It is hard to resist the urge to multitask when I'm watching stuff on a multimonitor setup and I imagine I'll keep doing that in the case of active distraction focusing strats, but I definitely prefer putting my phone away to watch a movie or whatever for leisure these days. Feels better for my cognitive function overall and sorta "more respectful" to the people who made the media I'm consuming. (No intended moral judgment on second screeners here though, just a personal thing.)