I guess for this post I'm just coming here to talk a little bit about my health problems and maybe do a little ego preservation by shifting some blame off of me and my poor decisions.
Anyway, I'm 24 and for the past 6 months or so I've been visiting a few different doctors trying to figure out these cardiovascular issues that I've been having.
I remember last November being suddenly woke up by a sudden intense squeezing my chest, like someone was gripping my heart and manually beating it. It scared the hell out of me and I went to the ER at 3am. I get there, I'm fine, I tell them that I stopped feeling that sensation but I was so scared by it I wanted a doctor to tell me I wasn't dying. I wasn't... Good. They give me some meds to calm down my heart if it does it again, and then some beta blockers to help me sleep.
Fast forward a few months and I've gotten a test from the cardiologist and it looks like I'm all good. My heart is fine I just need to sleep more and worry less. The issue is that my symptoms haven't really improved all that much and in terms of affects on my extremeties I'm seeing greater and greater amounts of vascular visibility, discoloration of my finger nails and I'm still having infrequent chest discomfort.
I mention this multiple times to them. Yet still they tell me that I'm young and the test didn't reveal anything so I'm just worrying too much. I visit again a few weeks later and it's the same shit.
Anyway, I'm not a doctor although maybe I should have tried to visit a different specialist sooner. It wasn't until about two weeks ago when I see a massive varicose vein pop out of my calf and I realize oh I should probably talk to a vein specialist.
I go, my leg veins are dilated, it's still early stages so it's not that bad. I've lost a lot of weight over the past year or so (about 20kg), quit cigarettes, and overall my lifestyle trends towards much healthier. More of the same and managing the condition should be relatively doable.
Yet now I'm here lying in bed frustrated. Not only at the doctors but the messaging we have around health as though it's a foregone conclusion that you'll have it when you're young and then managing it is something of concern for your later years.
I know this foolishness and error of my thinking, and I know the immense privilege of mine to have come to take on that viewpoint, but man does it piss me off everytime I think back about any health issues, covid, or other things when people just shrug about the potential impacts because oh your young and your body is strong.
It makes me so regretful and spiteful because now I have a health condition which I shouldn't have developed had I made better health decisions in the past. I wish people would encourage better stewardship to your own body before it becomes a problem.
Anyway, if you have any encouragement to offer me I'd really appreciate it. I'm having trouble sleeping and this post was a way for me to vent some of those emotions. I'm far from home which I'm grateful for because at least I'm not paying for this in the US, but that also means I'm far from a lot of my support.
Thanks and I know this account is new but I've really appreciated this forum over the years.
"We are tempted to feel sorry for the poor history-less millionaire who, to recreate Europe in the desolate savannahs, destroys the genuine and turns it into an unreal lagoon."
Umberto Eco, Travels in Hyperreality
I honestly do to some extent. They worship money so much that they chase it even into places they have no love for or desire to live in. What an empty life.