Short version, I wanna change my names (first and middle two) sometime this year to something more audibly enby. I have a bunch of stuff I think sounds neat, but is that all it needs?

Like it feels fake at some level, or like an affectation. I don't know what names resonate with me or if they're even supposed to. I feel like this is a common experience so maybe I could get some advice?

I do want names that stand out, but also ones that don't make me sound full of myself, but...also need something that resonates with me and I'm so confused and lost

As someone who is AFAB and has naturally high testosterone, yeah it's bringing up some painful feelings.

Fuck these assholes.

cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/5183822

yeesh

Cry me a river, Elon

I have been identifying myself as non-binary because sometimes I feel like a dude, sometimes I feel like a women, and sometimes I feel like I'm sliding around the spectrum of both at the same time.

But a lot of the time I feel like I have no gender at all. Which as I understand it, is what people call agender.

Am I right in calling myself non-binary or should I be calling myself agender? Or both?

I feel like I should know these definitions better.

I know you can get estrogen from horse urine as a feedstock, but there are other methods used today, right? Do they use other animal products? Petroleum? I'm just looking for a basic overview and don't know where else to look.

Long story short I have PCOS apparently. That means high testosterone. Why am I sharing this? I just think it's fucking shitty that I as an AFAB person can get feminizing hormone therapy after as little as a blood test, but if I was a trans woman or man, or if I wanted hormone therapy to affirm my being non-binary, I would most likely have to jump through all sorts of hoops.

Anyway maybe I'm just pissy because going to the doctor always reminds me that most people see me as a just a butch woman. Feeling shitty and dysphoric.

I don't think I did so last time.

Here you go:

Left: Gage Skidmore. Donald Trump [photograph], Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0 DEED, Right: Mark Burns on the Stew Peters Show.

On Monday, former President Donald Trump announced his endorsement of Pastor Mark Burns for South Carolina's 3rd Congressional District. The pastor has previously exhibited extremist rhetoric towards LGBTQ+ and transgender individuals, calling for the arrest and execution of those he accuses of LGBTQ+ and transgender "indoctrination." Trump's endorsement threatens to swing a crowded Republican primary in Burns' direction. Given the heavily Republican lean of the district, Burns would emerge as the clear favorite to win the congressional seat should he win his primary.

Pastor Mark Burns made headlines in 2022 for calling for the return of the House Un-American Activities Committee to arrest and execute LGBTQ+ and transgender allies and individuals whom he accuses of "grooming." In a video released after his appearance on The Stew Peters Show, Burns stated, "The LGBT, transgender grooming of our children's minds is a national security threat because it is ultimately designed to destabilize the republic we call the United States of America. That's why, whenever I'm elected, I want to start holding people accountable for treason to the Constitution. I'm going to push to reenact HUAC... We need to hold people accountable for treason, start having some public hearings, and begin executing those who are found guilty of treasonous acts against the Constitution of the United States of America..."

You can watch clips of his statements from that 2022 interview here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39RHsfm-RH8

Burns has run for Congress twice before, in 2018 and 2022. Although he campaigned as a Trump-inspired candidate in those years, he failed to secure an endorsement from the former president. This year, however, it appears he has finally received that endorsement. Donald Trump posted, "There are many great conservatives exploring a run for that seat, but Mark Burns has been with me from the very beginning of our movement to Make America Great Again," adding, "Pastor Mark Burns is an America First fighter and has my complete and total endorsement." That endorsement is significant in a crowded field of nine Republican candidates. Furthermore, the previous election did not even feature a Democrat on the ballot—the winner of the Republican primary will be the prohibitive favorite to win the congressional seat.

You can see the endorsement here:

It does not appear that Burns has changed his views towards LGBTQ+ and transgender individuals. The day before receiving the endorsement, he took to Twitter to call Transgender Day of Visibility "blasphemous" and "an insult to the millions of Christians who celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ," reacting to Transgender Day of Visibility coinciding with Easter Sunday in 2024. Notably, Transgender Day of Visibility has always fallen on March 31, while Easter's date varies. Just after receiving the endorsement, Burns appeared on the far-right Freeman Report, where he claimed that Democrats are "attacking real women in America" with transgender-inclusive policies.

Trump’s endorsement is the latest sign that the candidate is embracing extremist anti-LGBTQ+ and anti-transgender stances for the 2024 election. On March 30th, Trump decried a proclamation by Biden recognizing Transgender Day of Visibility, calling it “blasphemous” and demanding that he “issue an apology to the millions of Catholics and Christians across America who believe tomorrow is for one celebration only—the resurrection of Jesus Christ.” Trump has previously advocated for targeting gender transition support “at any age” and investigating hospitals and manufacturers of hormone therapy and puberty blockers. He has also previously called for national bans on trans youth care as well as a national trans sports ban.

When asked about the endorsement on the Freeman Report, Burns stated that Trump had called him and declared him "the congressman," indicating that both Trump and Burns feel confident about the impact of the endorsement. The Republican primary election for the seat is scheduled for June 11, 2024. Should he win over 50% of the vote, Burns will represent the Republican Party in the race for a seat that has been held by a Republican since 1995.

You can access the link here.

^ PDF version from MEGA.

horrible

Setting aside that you don't even need these levels unless something is clearly not going as desired, saliva and urine tests do exist but no doctors seem to even be aware of this. Unlimited genocide on gatekeeper endocrinologists. They can never find a vein on me so I just have to stew for an hour as they poke and prod me unsuccessfully until either I or the lab tech gives up and they tell me they're not going to refill my prescription without a blood test.

JUST FUCKING REFILL IT, IT'S NOT EVEN MY FAULT, WHY ARE YOU PUNISHING ME FOR THIS!

I transitioned to ftm over ten years ago and I thought I was done with the gender stuff. I transitioned really well, I look like a cis-bear, and I have a beard that other guys get envious over. Socially and emotionally tho? Something was wrong.

I thought I was done but the more I tried fitting into that role, the worse I felt. I was taking the doctors suggested amount of testosterone, I looked passing, but I just wasn't fitting in. I felt more like myself, and at the same time I feel like I lost something. Like my ability to read a room and to have creative flexibility. I started feeling clogged. Like parts of me were shut behind a barrier.

Then, thanks to "cool healthcare" I lost access to my testosterone temporarily. It was obnoxious at first, but after a few days I started feeling great. More relaxed, more creative, more open to other people. More like- myself???? Uh oh.

Then it hit me- I've been stuck in dysphoria for ages. I just didn't notice because the dysphoria prior to T was so much worse. I still see myself as a man, but I want to be a funny little guy and not a beef boy.

Anyone else have an experience like this?

The last few months have been absolute hell because of this, me and my partner are somehow the only non cishet people at this whole thing despite it having like 300 guests. This is also right after I started estrogen and it's been nonstop "this is the groom's brother" bs. To be fair I've not told anyone but it still feels shitty. We've basically been forced back into the closet for the last like 6 months.

On top of this, they've been giving almost no info about plans to our family, everything is by the seat of our pants which is doubly bad because it's a Sikh wedding and our side is almost entirely made up of wasps so people really don't know what they're doing.

It's the last event today and I feel like I'm gonna tear off my skin.

edit: wanted to add, I love my new sister-in-law, she's lovely, but if I have to hear them talk about fucking harry potter again and try to get me to see the cursed child I'm gonna scream lol.

Dear ---,

Congratulations girlll!!! I am so proud of you for taking this big step towards joy & self-love. Give my best to Dr. ---. You have made one of the hardest, scariest, steps of your life.

I am sorry.

You are going to make these same steps, have these doubts, feel these pains at least two more times girl. I am ashamed—and/but working on it okay?!—to admit you/I do not stay the course this time. Or the next time. Today is not 48 months, only 10 days into New Game++.

I am sorry.

I can't help but feel I've betrayed you. Dashed you against the rocks your so-thought-overcome internalized transphobia, your self-hatred, your 6' 1"—though after round 1, reported 5' 11" to fuck with that self-conscious chauvinist—your masseter—only dentists should know that one babe—your shoulders. your anger, your fear, that bouncer, transphobia, and transphobia, and transphobia, and transphobia (thrown to the wolves and hiding).

I am sorry.

The joy of resolve/acceptance/etc. will wane faster. You will pass 200 pounds. You will find and lose purpose in communism. You will drink too much. You will develop a flight response at family gatherings. You will love & be loved again (fucking accept it!). You will probably kill yourself id you don't learn to love yourself as a woman...

...i am sorry...

...because I still can't, four years later.

But I'm trying. I have the support you only briefly had with ---. I ahve the certainty of more years of pain and (less naive) denial. I have the certainty that I cannot survive any other way. I want to survive. I have myself to do it for. My friends to do it for, you to do it for now that I am no longer you; that us feels tenuous.

I am sorry I am not the woman you wanted us to be.

But I am trying.

Love,

I don't know if it's possible because of the importance of opsec but would there be interest in a periodic outfit of the day thread? I've seen a few posts popping up and around that people don't know how to dress anymore and it might be a way to help.

I am posting this here because my experience accepting myself as polyamorous mirrors the process of acceptance and coming-out that was required by my other queer identities.

Just as our culture coerces heteronormativity, so too does it coerce mononormativity- the idea that love should be monoamous. We are taught that love can only exist between two people, that to love more than one person is wrong.

Why? Why should we feel jealous if our lover loves another? To love is the greatest joy in a human life; I would never deprive one I love of such joy. Nor could I be with anyone who would so deprive me. How vile a thought, to look upon two people and say, "Your love is wrong; I will not allow it."

For years I thought I was going to hell because I fell in love again after getting married. Today, I am with both of them, and I am in heaven.

I think we need to create more trans specific meme communities on hexbear to drag more people over from reddit. I'd like to see a punch for punch recreation of /r/traa and /r/tgcj so we can say we are a definitive place to replace reddit for trans users. Currently, blahaj has far too many issues from 196 chasers and we need to up our footing. If I have to, and I hate modding, I'll mod the traa community. I'd also like to discuss strategies for how to go about posting to lgbt spaces on reddit to get people to leave that shithole. Taking over certain communities and redirecting in some way seems like a good idea, maybe poking top posters from traa to come here

I had like an interaction where I had some decent clues that a person only introduces their pronouns after they clocked me, e.g. other people didn't do pronoun intro before, the way the "ally in question" did it felt pretty artificial (I am willing to write that off on being paranoid).

The message is "I know you are trans, you are not passing, but I am graciously allowing you to exist in this group setting". Same goes for only doing pronoun checks in a group setting when you clock a trans person. I find it worse than assuming wrong pronouns and switching after being gently corrected. Maybe because I have higher standards of would-be allies than the average person. After all, allies are supposed to have my back, not just not having a moment when I pass by. On the other hand, I have it easy for being okay with being a semi-binary trans woman, so obv enby struggles are another thing, but clocking still stings like a bitch.

Pronoun checks should be normalized to a point cis people do it intuitively, but idk if we will ever get there. If you wanna chime in, when and how did you call that behaviour out or point it out, if you saw it? Did your response work?

edit: btw idk what the fuck an hrtcat is or if they're even relevant i just wanted to post some ragebait. anyway if u need hrt go diyhrtwiki or diyhrtcafe

Please help me. I'm a white woman. Ruin my life 👍 Thank you ❤️

I LOVE MY TRANS COMRADES

Since federating, we can see MORE TRANS COMRADES. And THAT'S GREAT

I LOVE MY NEW TRANS COMRADES

I LOVE MY OLD TRANS COMRADES

WE ALL LOVE ALL OUR TRANS COMRADES

KEEP ON ROCKIN'

Hahaha your gender go poof get owned nerd

AFAB people not being hyper-feminine isn't internalized misogyny.

It should be pretty obvious that not being the patriarchal standard of 'feminine' is going to get AFAB people the most shit from the patriarchy. If we wanted to 'avoid misogyny' we sure as shit wouldn't be doing this.

An AFAB person dressing the way patriarchal men want them to in order to avoid social ostracization would be internalized misogyny, not the other way around.

I don't know why idiots think that make-up and dresses are genetic. Bro, men used to make up, powdered wigs, and heels. And don't get me started on togas and robes, that shit is just a dress. It's not inherently feminine. We made that shit up.

I'm not 'rejecting womanhood' and I don't have internalised misogyny just because I'm AFAB NB. This is literally just me being who I am inside. I won't be gaslit into performing gender in a way I don't want to.