Abt switch
The Abt switch is a kind of railway switch used on funiculars (inclined cable railways) that doesn't have any moving parts. It allows two cars to pass each other going uphill/downhill while sharing the same tracks. While most train switches rely on physically moving a section of track so the train goes one way or the other, the abt switch doesn't move at all. Instead each carriage has a grooved wheel which makes it turn left or right at a junction by sticking to the track on one side.
spoiler Image sources https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Funicular_to_Horseshoe_Curve_viewing_area_(8999490400).jpg#mw-jump-to-license
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https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Funicular_layouts_(2_rails).svg#mw-jump-to-license
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https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Heidelberg_funicular_wheelset.jpg#mw-jump-to-license
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I've been housing stressed lately but I do actually have some gender shit to share.
internalized transphobia but in the sense that I realized I was operating under some and am deciding not to
I was going on one of my walks (best stress relief there is) and I realized that I'm pretty sure the part of me that feels agender/nonbinary or whatever is actually me feeling like I don't deserve to call myself fully a girl. Feeling like I'm not allowed to be a girl without an asterisk. So I've been calling my dysphoric half agender. I'm going to stop doing that.Gender is kind of bullshit and I'm kind of of the opinion that things would be better for everyone if it didn't exist at all and we just expressed ourselves however the hell we wanted, but while it exists, I'm just a girl. And I need to get better at letting myself say that without any other qualifiers. Because they aren't me.
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I love this bit so much. I remember very distinctly when I came to the conclusion that I'm a woman, and I didn't need to earn the title in some way beyond just being myself. And if I ended up deciding that I'm non-binary, that it would be because that's actually how I felt and not because I didn't feel I was woman enough.
I used to do that
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My trans journey started with thinking I was just agender for like 2 weeks before realizing I was transfem. I've kept the agender label since that as well though, but I've always worried that it was just a coping mechanism for the reasons you mention. Except I still don't think of myself as a girl, with or without an asterisk. And I also feel like I would have been much more likely to consider myself a girl if I had adopted that label by middle school and sorta feel like I've lost a part of myself in trying to suppress that side of me.