this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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People are weird. It's.
I have thought "it's interesting how everyone I get to know that opens up to me is weird, neurotypical, queer, or some other sort of 'non-normie'." I tend to be friends with those that fit these categories but I do feel like even most 'normies' are much less of the normal archetype on the inside, they are just better at fitting in and putting up with everything.
That's partly what I was joking about, there are just so many weird social songs and dances that I'm expected to follow even though they've always seemed pointless to me. We could all just be saying what we mean without the fluff.
I get some of the fluff. I like protocols that can safely establish expectations. I just don't like pleasantries that enforce affective compliance and ultimately stifles protocols or just throws off procedure. Or when my movements and expressions are being surveiled and over analyzed - not enough smiling, holding my body wrong, not enough certainty in how I feel, not enough expression, too "stubborn" to communicate. Everything about neuronormativity feels like a distraction to me, and vice versa my concerns seem irrelevant or unrecognizable to them.
It's never been clear to me that neuronormaltive folk are always the perpetrators. I think NDs are also have very triggering behaviors that are difficult to reconcile, even if on a deeper level there is a kind of kinship that can be recognized.
I also find ND culture to be upsetting at times. Too many infantile "cute" "quirk" tropes. I'm not quirky, if anything I am serious as a heart attack most of the time. If I'm supposed to be quirky and I'm mostly just really serious then it doesn't end super well.
So I am not diagnosed but everyone around me says I am textbook 'tismed (tbh I think I'm just weird and angry) but something that helped me feel like this stuff was less frustrating was
a) reading anthropology papers to understand why all this stuff happens (it's about belonging, recognising other's as fully human, and a replacement of the physical grooming other apes do)
b) conceptualising interacting with humans as interacting with any other animal. For some reason I felt a lot more comfortable performing non hostility for non human animals in their weird mannerisms and habits, but we're also just animals and if I can like avoid prolonged eye contact with a stressed out non human, I can make some for stressed out humans etc.
not directly relevant but one of my favourite wild animal interactions was a time when I was kayaking and came upon a mom and pup seal sunning themselves on the rocks. I could tell mom was nervous so I didn't want to get close and scare them, but the two of them were very cute so I didn't want to leave. First I paddled past and gave them space, panning across them without staring, to make it clear that I saw them but wasn't reacting like a predator. Then a loud speed boat came along and I could tell that agitated mom, so I positioned myself between the boat and the seals and faced away from them, demonstrating that I was also concerned about the boat. That really landed and they relaxed, so after that, I let the current push me back along the shore closer to the seals.
this was them. ultimately I got about 25' away and we just vibed for 20 minutes while I drifted around.
That's... actually really helpful. I find I read animal body language really well, so putting it in those terms really makes sense to me. Cheers.