Allistic people will speak in code, never say what they mean, and say something like "the sun isn't bright enough" to mean they want you to clean the window instead of just asking you to clean the window, try to decode the hidden meaning of what someone said when they directly said what they meant, and then they claim WE'RE the ones with communication issues
this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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Yep, I was recently over at a family member's place and they made something to eat and asked how it was, I told them that it was good but I would have made it slightly differently, and they were like "oh so you don't like it? we have other things" and I was just like sigh. I know they're just trying to be nice and all, but it gets really annoying when this type of thing happens with almost everything I say and I have to tell people, no, I mean exactly what I said, you don't need to try to decipher some hidden meaning! Another common one is someone will tell you they're going somewhere, but I've recently learned that it usually means they're going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them. Like, ugh. If you're inviting me, say something like "I'm going to the market, want to come with me?" It's not that hard! 
stuff like
Another common one is someone will tell you they're going somewhere, but I've recently learned that it usually means they're going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them
Is protecting feelings. Many people find rejection painful, an implied offer that isn't taken up doesn't hurt because there can be protective fictions but "would you like to come" -> "no I would not like to come" strips the situation of those fictions. Often people try to soften rejection by lying e.g. "Oh I'd love to but I'm actually already...".
Many people do not enjoy lying and by being direct you can be rude by putting someone in a situation where they feel they need to lie or hurt someone's feelings.
I understand that this is confusing sometimes, but it would not be zero cost for people to do otherwise. They would find themselves hurt many times by your rejections (and probably then protect themselves by not asking). Unfortunately there often aren't easy answers, and some sort of compromise that protects feelings but balances your need for clarity has to be hashed out on a case by case basis.
Another common one is someone will tell you they're going somewhere, but I've recently learned that it usually means they're going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them.
And then the one time you think "You know what? When people say that, it means they're inviting the person", it turns out that, no, they weren't inviting you, and at best, things get awkward, at worse, they admonish you for inviting yourself and being presumptuous.
Another common one is someone will tell you they're going somewhere, but I've recently learned that it usually means they're going somewhere, but are also inviting you to go with them.
Is this why when the last time I said I wanted to hike somewhere, my friend invited herself and said "I can come!"? Huh.
Elastic people
Motherfuckers be stretching all over the place it pisses me off 😤
Alright alright, I'll stop flexing then 😭
People are weird. It's.
I have thought "it's interesting how everyone I get to know that opens up to me is weird, neurotypical, queer, or some other sort of 'non-normie'." I tend to be friends with those that fit these categories but I do feel like even most 'normies' are much less of the normal archetype on the inside, they are just better at fitting in and putting up with everything.
That's partly what I was joking about, there are just so many weird social songs and dances that I'm expected to follow even though they've always seemed pointless to me. We could all just be saying what we mean without the fluff.
I get some of the fluff. I like protocols that can safely establish expectations. I just don't like pleasantries that enforce affective compliance and ultimately stifles protocols or just throws off procedure. Or when my movements and expressions are being surveiled and over analyzed - not enough smiling, holding my body wrong, not enough certainty in how I feel, not enough expression, too "stubborn" to communicate. Everything about neuronormativity feels like a distraction to me, and vice versa my concerns seem irrelevant or unrecognizable to them.
It's never been clear to me that neuronormaltive folk are always the perpetrators. I think NDs are also have very triggering behaviors that are difficult to reconcile, even if on a deeper level there is a kind of kinship that can be recognized.
I also find ND culture to be upsetting at times. Too many infantile "cute" "quirk" tropes. I'm not quirky, if anything I am serious as a heart attack most of the time. If I'm supposed to be quirky and I'm mostly just really serious then it doesn't end super well.
So I am not diagnosed but everyone around me says I am textbook 'tismed (tbh I think I'm just weird and angry) but something that helped me feel like this stuff was less frustrating was
a) reading anthropology papers to understand why all this stuff happens (it's about belonging, recognising other's as fully human, and a replacement of the physical grooming other apes do)
b) conceptualising interacting with humans as interacting with any other animal. For some reason I felt a lot more comfortable performing non hostility for non human animals in their weird mannerisms and habits, but we're also just animals and if I can like avoid prolonged eye contact with a stressed out non human, I can make some for stressed out humans etc.
not directly relevant but one of my favourite wild animal interactions was a time when I was kayaking and came upon a mom and pup seal sunning themselves on the rocks. I could tell mom was nervous so I didn't want to get close and scare them, but the two of them were very cute so I didn't want to leave. First I paddled past and gave them space, panning across them without staring, to make it clear that I saw them but wasn't reacting like a predator. Then a loud speed boat came along and I could tell that agitated mom, so I positioned myself between the boat and the seals and faced away from them, demonstrating that I was also concerned about the boat. That really landed and they relaxed, so after that, I let the current push me back along the shore closer to the seals.
this was them. ultimately I got about 25' away and we just vibed for 20 minutes while I drifted around.
That's... actually really helpful. I find I read animal body language really well, so putting it in those terms really makes sense to me. Cheers.
All cool people are weird and I will die on this hill. Normal is boring
Amen brothuh
I learned the other day that when allistic people say food “looks good” they don’t mean that it’s aesthetically pleasing. They mean it looks like it will taste good 😭
This isn't even an issue of hidden meaning, this is just English being a broken language lol. "Looks [like it's] good" gets shortened and accidentally acquires a different meaning.
Isn't the shortening of commonly used phrase just a natural language thing in general? Curse these language processing structures
Why would there be a consistent single meaning for such a simple statement
I’ve interpreted it in a single way every single time anyone’s ever said it for decades. Then I figured out people often meant it a different less literal way. This happens to me all the time with a bunch of different experiences. I didn’t sit down and decide that it logically should conform to certain expectations. I just had some unexamined expectations in the first place. And there’s a pattern to the way that that plays out when the expectation is corrected.
Thanks for telling me. Usually my hiccup is that meaning is so palpable that it evaporates as soon as it's needed. To me "thats/its good" would have no meaning at all because it could be used to say any of several different things or nothing. Especially if it was the answer to a question. It's a non-answer without some way to ground what "good" means. I would simply pretend I understand.
I definitely relate to just pretending to understand. To your point, even if people tended to say the full phrase of “it looks like it will be good to eat,” that could be out of politeness or out of excitement or just as a default statement because they’re bored. So many possible meanings that could come out of that.
Stupid sexy flan
Okay so hear me out
can confirm, am a total freak
(i'm ADHD w/ mild-to-moderate social anxiety though, so feel like a limbic traveler between two worlds, not quite at home in either... 
)
Damn are you me? 
Can't relate. I'm too busy being autistic, severely depressed, and anxious.
"Good morning! How are you?"
*Sound of a multi-car pile-up while looking at the ground
"Well let's get to work then!"
People are weird.
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