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sounds like a right winger would say. is your mom working, if shes a sahm , she literally just the thing she described.
She is working, and she has lots of assets. Think like middle class type of stuff.
That's why I kinda have no rebuttal...
I'm kinda starting to feel guilty
objectively, she did materially support me a lot
but its just emotionally neglectful and abusive
constantly bouncing between "I love you my child" to 5 minutes later "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HORRIBLE CHILD"
I feel like I'm slowly being brainwashed... I feel like she has this "mind control" thing she's trying to use on me...
Sometimes I suspect (maybe this is my paranoia) she has some CIA mind control weapon that she's trying to use on me... yea I sound totally unhinged I know... logically I know that's crazy, but emotionally I feel like she planted a chip in my brain that made me so submissive
I feel like she's making me go crazy
Sometime I worry she knows what I'm thinking.
Sometimes I suspect she might not be real mother maybe... mabe I hear too many kidnapping stories...
idk, my throughts are a mess...
if I say this shit to a therapist, I'd be locked up lol
You're not dangerous, so no you'd not be locked up. What you need is decent boundaries, not a response.
You're entirely separate from your mom. It's unlikely that there's a chip, so the question is how you can enforce that separation in a sustainable (for you) way. A simple "I don't agree" would probably help you feel less submissive without giving her grounds for more debate.
Guilt is a part of depression, it's built right into how you stay passive and sad. But you're not guilty, you're just struggling and that is - ask anyone except maybe your mom - really just part of the human condition. 90% of western adults have a depressive episode at least once in their life (stats by a therapist I used to go to), so you're in good company.
In addition ask yourself this: If you had kids, would you think they owed you in return for your support? As a parent it's something I feel you opt into when you decide to make babies. You don't just pop them out and then make demands for the years you had to change diapers or drive them to school.
What your mom thinks or not ultimately hasn't more or less value than your own thoughts and opinions. Let it go and focus on you and how you can limit your exposure to her opinions.
People don't need any advanced CIA techniques to control the way you think and feel; Plenty of 'normal' abuse tactics can achieve this over time - arguably, control is the entire point of abuse.
The way you're questioning yourself alarms me. You're likely being abused, and you need support. Please do whatever you can to get help. At the very least, read up on types of emotional abuse and their effects on victims. You're not the only one.