this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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TenForward: Where Every Vulcan Knows Your Name
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this reminds me of a mental pebble in my shoe, sometimes it feels like there is an age category problem, "woman" still feels too old/mature no matter how old I get and "girls" sounds too young at this point, "chicks" is my go to because feels vague enough but maybe I just need work on my vocabulary
I've been recently trying to phase my usage of "girls" out when referring to women, because it's unintentionally belittling. I've settled on just saying "woman" when referring to an adult woman in general.
Of course, if you're referring to a woman in person, you need to refer to her as "milady" and tip your hat. That's just basic etiquette.
Lady? Gal? Feminoid? I think context and tone matter a lot too.
I try to stick to pal and comrade these days but it's hard to beat decades of habit.
But foids are known to spike cortisol levels
Girl is a child. Woman is an adult. Young woman if it's vaguely in between.
Female if you're doing medicine or science.
The girl lost her doll. The woman paid her taxes. The young women got dropped off at the movies. The female puffin lays one egg per season and shares the burden of caring for the puffling equally with their mate.
Are they acually called pufflings? (pretty great if they are)
They are! And it's one of the nice things to know in times like this.
There's a town in eastern Canada where sometimes pufflings get lost on their inaugural flight. The entire town goes out during the season to round them up, take them to a rehab facility to make sure they aren't hurt.
In the morning, the families take the healthy pufflings to a cliff and hurl them into the sea.
This sounds awful until you recall that puffins are aquatic birds who live on cliffs, so it's really just the first step towards breakfast for them.
"Ladies"
"Ladies" can come across as sleazy, imo. And sometimes you're in a situation where the class/status suggested by "lady" ends up sounding sarcastic.
"Gals" implies a level of friendship, and "dames" is too old timey.
It's a tight rope walk of sounding too familiar/formal, implying old/young, or being insulting/demeaning... I conclude that we need a new word.
I think we often forget about “young man” and “young woman.”
When someone is too young to safely call a woman, “young woman” is quite a compliment and gives her the respect of an adult anyway. If someone is just barely too old to be called a girl, they will probably find it neutral enough. And if someone is much too old to be called a girl they will appreciate it as flattery.
Hm. Calling someone young woman or young man - to my middle aged ass - means they are in trouble.
Young man/young woman, haven't your parents taught you proper manners? We eat salad with salad fork, not dessert one!
(You get the gist)
Yeah some people will have that association. But only rarely will the grammar of the situation even match that at all.
For example, let’s say you are the store manager and a customer has requested a refund. You call down to billing to see if they can hook it up, and you say “Hi, yeah this is Dave. I have a young woman here who received the wrong size shoe in her pickup order…”
There’s no way for her to interpret that as “she’s in trouble.”
In fact, to match the association you’re talking about, it pretty much has to be used in directly addressing the person. And how often do you begin a normal sentence by saying “Woman, sit tight - I’m going to get you a refund for this.”
I mean call me weird, but in both of those situations one would use "a customer" instead.
Dear customer, sit tight.
Dave, I have a customer here...
It’s an example for illustrative purposes. It illustrates the point about grammar I was making. Now you’re on another point about whether it’s even necessary to use a gendered term at all. I don’t really feel like running around in circles on this further.
I don't know how ladies slipped my mind but I have to agree with you
I guess I can see some ways that “lady” or “ladies” could sound sleazy but I’m surprised if this is someone’s first or only association. “Lady” is literally a landed title, the equivalent of “Lord,” and the highly dignified counterpart to “gentleman.”
No no, definitely not what I meant! In some circumstances, it can be sleazy (like "hey ladies").
I mean sure - when the Beastie Boys say it, they are not exactly addressing the collective women of the gentry in their area.
Especially when one of thier singles is also the song "Girls" about doing the dishes.
? That is the appropriate greeting.
Just say 'women'
To quote the earlier comment:
Yes, I read that. I also read your comment und you concluded (somewhat jokingly, I know), that 'we' need a new word for 'women'.
My, now more elaborate, response to that is, that 'we' don’t need a new word, you should learn to use the perfectly cromulent available ones.
Young women?
Speaking generously, I can see what you mean. But I think people only have this problem when they are used to calling people “girls” far too long. If you shake that bad habit, you won’t find yourself coming into conflict with these terms so often.
May I suggest the term “young women” as a highly respectful way to refer to younger folks. And if you are truly in doubt or referring to a mixed group, “ladies” is an alternative too.
I don’t recommend “chicks.” Some people are okay with it but many are not. A chick is a newly hatched bird, so this is quite infantilizing.
Being in my thirties "young women" feels like I'm trying to play some sort of epstien judo
“Dudette”
Nobody really knows what to make of it because they seem to think they’re encountered a time-traveling surfer.