traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Idk what's going on with lemmygrad but I couldn't see newly added hexbear comments ...
Sorry for another negative post (sigh ...)
cw:mental health discussion + suicide
About my mental illnesses (lol), I feel like I'm collecting them like pokemon (the actual reason is comorbidity, I know). I think I got some mild form of DID? My psychologist brought it up and asked me questions when I told him the voice in my head told me to kill myself.
I hadn't even told him about the part where during my suicide spiraling, I felt like there was an alternative version of me trying to kill me and stop me from seeking help and was controlling my body. That was pretty spooky. Like sleep paralysis, except the sleep demon is inside you (
) ...
It would also explain my incredibly severe mood swings and changes in thoughts. Or would it? I ain't got a clue and even if I learn how this shit works*, it's not like I can afford healthcare.
On the flip side, when I said to myself "do it for her" where "her" referred to some specific personality in me, I felt pretty good and motivated.
Hmm ... it might explain a little bit of my genderfluidity and feeling like "I'm loosing my god damn mind" and talking to myself.
But also .... I might just be loosing it and not have any DID at all.
(I hate thinking can't I just not exist anymore? So much easier than being alive)
*no need to make excuses, I should just try to learn