Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://rentry.co/tracha (Includes rules and invite link)
๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ Transmasculine Pride Ring ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
Hai everybody! :3
We haven't been around much lately, but we've missed you all <3
As much as we enjoy talking about electromagnetism and the like, we're really feeling trans joy as the theme for this mega post. And we'd love to hear some of the things that have brought you all some joy lately (without doxxing yourselves of course).
Something that is bringing us a lot of joy right now is seeing the local trans community finding each other and making joy for ourselves. They're planning events, going out, finding love and friendship, and refusing to allow our circumstances prevent us from enjoying life and having fun as much as possible. And we're part of it! We've been doing the same! And it doesn't just make this life tolerable in the face of all the bad stuff happening, it's making this life beautiful and filled with love and happiness.
In order to try to get back in the habit of participating here, we're going to try to at least post one bit of trans joy every day here this week.
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST
if you have a preferred week please tell me
Wmill* (3/9 - 3/15)
Disaster_of_Passion* (3/16 - 3/22)
meler* (3/23 - 3/29)
Shaleesh* (3/30 - 4/5)
Carcharodonna* (4/6 - 4/12)
GayTuckerCarlson* (4/13 - 4/19)
Busgirl (4/20 - 4/26)
โ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters
Hi. I am new here but my moment of joy recently was a few times this week I got compliments on my figure then asked for workout/diet advice by a few other women randomly. I have been weight lifting/contouring and eating healthy (%80 of the time) for nearly two years. A few months before I had been living in a women's only house and for some reason a few suddenly were getting a bit touchy around me. I was getting concerned when the house mom told it was because they were competing with me. I already told my hubby I had started as an outsider then I became accepted. One day I became truly included. I was totally blind sided that a few successful women in my life suddenly saw me as competing with them. As a woman. I never dreamed of that level of affirmation. This week I had a small touch of that moment again.
My fucking boss pressured me into far more then I wanted to do this weekend, only agreed to part of it because I was told I wouldn't have to work Sunday (I now do) and to boot I got gently talked to about how I did on something (which I admit could have been better, would have been better if I wasn't distracted with other shit she wanted me to do). 12 fucking hours, I wanted to do half of this. And have to come in on Sunday. Which I was told I wouldn't have to. No, no one else can do that job either. Fuck I need to learn how to say no. I got fucking jumped with so much shit this weekend.
Oh the thing I got talked to about, she said I had a complaint I didn't do a good job, I fucking shadowed that thing ONE time and because they need me to do it I got thrown into doing it. And I'm supposed to do it again next month. I literally told her to take me off it and have me shadow again after she told me the complaint and she said no because she needs me. So like what the fuck do you want me to do.
I am so glad I've only got like 6 months here at most. Hopefully less if I get this other job I want (which will also suck ass, worse then this prolly, but at least hopefully pay better).
tbh I need to message a coworker about how dogshit this all is, maybe tomorrow. FUCK I hate everything. Lowkirkenuinely cried for like 20 minutes at work.
Chat I introduced her all my plushies and she liked them, they liked her too 
Terrible ideas + mental health
I'm having a lot of trouble dealing with being in the closet. It's doing a lot of harm to me. I'm having bad ideas, not the self-harm type, but things like wanting to destroy my guy clothes, wanting to shave my head to draw attention. Wanting to pretend I'm having a memory lapse and that I think I've always been a girl and don't know why my body isn't 100% female. All of these are bad ideas that would accomplish nothing, but get me out of the closet in some way or the other. I think I need to come out and I do not know how, or what would be the best way to have less friction.
Maybe just starting to buy feminine clothing and acting confident enough so that no one questions me isn't a terrible idea, at least not as much as pretending I have some sort of gender amnesia.
I recommend throwing out all your old underwear and just going to women's underwear full time it definitely helped me combat dysphoria back when I was still boymoding.
ngl I tried women's to see if that would make me feel better and its so uncomfortable and reminds me of everything way too much to help me.
I had this problem recently so I bought pink underwear made for gay boys
I can't do that without leaving the closet 
I live with my parents
Ooohhhh that sucks! Would your parents freak if you painted your nails?
No, I do paint my nails frequently. I also have some not so masc clothing, like crop tops. But they would definitely freak out if I had panties and bras. That's why I've been thinking about getting fem clothes, except underwear and just act confidently about it, they might be completely unable to confront me
Understandable, good luck!
suicide
Ngl I feel incredibly pissed knowing knowing that if I died today everyone would refer to me as a male even at my funeral. I could write a whole ass note about how transphobia killed me and how all I wanted to do was live as a girl and they'd still do me dirty like that. My dead body will have glorious jiggly boobs which I purposely grew out and they'd go "male + L + ratio" at my grave.
Even worse is I've had instances where my parents legit told me "young people these days like to use suicide to threaten their parents and I feel like you're going to do it too" 
Genuinely the people in my life ruin the concept of even dying.
spoiler
"young people these days like to use suicide to threaten their parents and I feel like you're going to do it too"
Uhm, WTF?? I'm sorry you have to go through that. I hope you can cut them off of your life soon.
spoiler
wtf thats a fucked up things your parents said!!! Obviously thats terrible.
So I guess youll have to prove them all wrong by living as a woman~ โก๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
spoiler
Thank you a lot. I'll try my best to live as a woman and prove everyone wrong.
Had a horny dream tonight, felt nice. Woke up at 4 AM. Went back to sleep. Had a nightmare about cursed videogames, creepypasta style, it totally ruined the vibe.
Tag yourselves (according to this chart I'm furry I guess)
3! Don't currently have a fursona but I think furries are the most interesting internet subculture especially the stuff that was pre-interent.
But when I do get a fursona commissioned definitely going with a bird
I would be a spider ๐ท
2 at max. Even two is a bit much ngl.
Girl....
It's OK, you can have whatever preferences you want 
I'll never judge anyone for being a furry, though
Not sure if we could ever pick just one. Our system ranges from 1 to 5 as far as I can tell.
Love reading the mega thread with my morning coffee 
Idk what's going on with lemmygrad but I couldn't see newly added hexbear comments ...
Sorry for another negative post (sigh ...)
cw:mental health discussion + suicide
About my mental illnesses (lol), I feel like I'm collecting them like pokemon (the actual reason is comorbidity, I know). I think I got some mild form of DID? My psychologist brought it up and asked me questions when I told him the voice in my head told me to kill myself.
I hadn't even told him about the part where during my suicide spiraling, I felt like there was an alternative version of me trying to kill me and stop me from seeking help and was controlling my body. That was pretty spooky. Like sleep paralysis, except the sleep demon is inside you (
) ...
It would also explain my incredibly severe mood swings and changes in thoughts. Or would it? I ain't got a clue and even if I learn how this shit works*, it's not like I can afford healthcare.
On the flip side, when I said to myself "do it for her" where "her" referred to some specific personality in me, I felt pretty good and motivated.
Hmm ... it might explain a little bit of my genderfluidity and feeling like "I'm loosing my god damn mind" and talking to myself.
But also .... I might just be loosing it and not have any DID at all.
(I hate thinking can't I just not exist anymore? So much easier than being alive)
*no need to make excuses, I should just try to learn
I'm asexual but seeing all of the hornyposting on this site makes me wish I could feel the stuff a lot of ya'll feel
My reading quota gotta fill it out and then when I do I can advance to the next quota to make the next advancement for the next quota even easier 
Had a dream I was half kangaroo half man like a faun or mermaid where the split is top/bottom.
I had four really cool lesbian girlfriends in a polycule who weren't sure why they were dating a random kangaroo man.
Then I came out as a trans kangaroo woman and I wanted to have surgery to get a pouch...
I think I understand the reality of the "autistic infodump when socializing" stereotype now that I'm being more social. I have someone coming over today and I dunno what I'm really gonna do at first besides telling them about my music server and learning about audio formats???
Ooh ooh what's your music server? I used to have a roon server when I was living with my parents.
Is navidrome bit perfect?
I think that depends on the client app, but as far as I can tell yes?
Interesting! I was considering running foobar2000 in wine for my next server but that looks tempting
There are two men in my realtively small apartment complex that frequently yell angrily. One of them can be heard multiple times an hour at nearly all hours, with gaps when hes (i assume) sleeping or out. I have some sympathy for that guy because he must be going through a lot and not handling any of it well... but also men yelling is actually very triggering to me and so I kinda sorta havent felt fully safe in my home for like... months and months.
This sucks.
I have goofus and goofuser that moved in to the building next door, who smoke every couple hours, and while smoking yell and scream and scream-talk to each other. I live on the 6th floor and theyre in a basement and I can hear em. I am not exaggerating when I say sometimes they just yell and scream because they will just shout "woo hoo" loud af????? Its been 2 months of this.
No ones yelling at each other with any hostility at least, I know thats hard.
I must drag myself to blood tests and an endo booking to ask for progesterone prescription in 2 hours.
spoiler
i will fail
sex
Tbh probably the thing that's helped my dysphoria the most is having lots of feral, loving, freaky, t4t sex. My bf and my gf love my body, and I love theirs. We make each other feel good :))
I took some videos this time, and omg I look so sexy fucking my bf :3
Also, did hrt make anyone else insatiable?? I can exhaust a couple of bottoms and still want more
sex
Prog absolutely did for me lol. Estrogen on its own horny was a thing but very different from before hrt.
I guess I fucked the longest I ever did after HRT? 2 days? That was a fun weekend lol. Wake up, fuck, nap, cuddle proceed to fuck, sleep, repeat.
My mega is coming up and it's probably gonna be another electrical component. I got one in mind and it won't take to long to write but looking forward to some research this weekend to make it gooder than it would be on the top of my head
I can't wait to see which one! I wanna nerd out about it with you
I won't give too much away but I'm surprised it hasn't been done yet on this comm 
Oh fuck yeah I'm amazed it hasn't happened yet either. I wonder we can find our old university notes from our [redacted] electronics course.
horny
I have been on a slow but steady progression from "hmm I think I might be poly,,, a throuple sounds nice,,," to now being at "preferably I'd like to be in like a seven or eight person polycule where sometimes they'll all just blindfold me and leash me to the bed and all use me"
self hate ig
My true self is so toxic to be around. Like once I feel safe whining about my shit I do it too much and everyone must hate me for it. So annoying. Little wonder I'm not close to anyone anymore. If I feel okay talking about my feelings and problems you just hear the most negative, doomer shit and I never get better. So why would anyone want to listen or stick around. So I've been trying not to message people it.
spoiler
Ive heard similar from like foster kids but usually its kind of a way to deal with feelings of abandonment and depression for them? That's just the place I wouldve heard it from the most, but youre not alone to feel that way as an adult obviously.
You can vent. Your "true self" whatever that might be is shown by things like actions, not the ruminations and passing thoughts you may have. Look at your actions over the last couple years - you are quick to console others and show a lot of tenderness and care, youre very considerate (for example with appropriate spoilers etc), you act optimistically and competently and take forward strides even when youre unsure and anxious (like with DIY HRT), you came out to trusted people, theres a lot of actions that show your "true self" is actually a caring and resilient and tender young woman who is taking her own destiny into her hands. Now, the cognitive distortion for why you don't necessarily feel that you are is obviously getting in the way. Maybe its the pace, maybe its just not connecting to your subconscious maybe whatever.
It does sound like you dont particularly like having these doomer spirals and doomer ruminations. And I hope you find a way to break out of those. But if you want to vent and get things off your chest, its not a burden on others. I definitely would say you do not have a "toxic" true self though.