chapotraphouse

9/11 happened when I was in an electronics store, so it was like 50 9/11s on all the TVs at once

one time this cute girl asked me for my number because she thought my outfit was cute. she literally just thought my outfit was cute she was not a lesbian

forgot my debit card when i went to the grocery store very embarrassing

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

11:55am - I remove my first moderately-successful homemade lemon meringue pie from the oven, excited to give it to my husband for his birthday.

I send him a picture. "I did it!! Happy Birthday!!"

12:02pm - I knock the pie off its cooling perch right into the fucking sink because I am multitasking and clumsy.

I send him a picture. "I did it!! Happy Birthday!!"

It wasn't even the side with the disposal. I scraped the remnants out of the sink with my fingers.

I one time made pancakes for the family and my fucking brother poured like a quarter of the maple syrup bottle on his and I didn't get as much syrup as I normally like.

My own personal nine eleven was when i was eating a lunchable at school and it was short by one cheese and so the last snack stack ratio was completely off. It ruined my week and i haven’t been the same since.

One time I was carrying a case of soda across a road and the case broke and the cans of soda rolled away and there were cars waiting to turn as I scrambled to pick up leaking cans of soda and run them to the side of the road

5 years ago I got blue balls and had to walk a mile to pick up burritos when it was below freezing

Writhing in pain in the bathroom of some mexican restaurant is probably the lowest point of my life

When Metallica killed Napster.

When my cat pooped on my bedroom floor on the morning of 9/11

I got hit by a milkshake tonight, I wasn't even the target.

I stubbed my toe on the coffee table.

When Vibram's Five-Finger shoes stopped getting stocked in stores. I love trail running and those shoes are also comfy as fuck. Now I gotta order them online and hope they're the perfect fit.

I ate halva this morning and now my teeth hurt

Everytime I have diarrhea it's like fifty 9/11s in one day.

when the WOKE game devs reduced my favroite waifus breast size by a massive 0.01℅

Gentrification of everything. Now EVERYTHING is a "rich people thing" even shit they have no interest in. I thought that "white-working-class" shit like bowling would be immune to this, but nope. Now bowling is expensive as hell, and that's just ignoring the fact no one under the age of 35 regularly bowls as a hobby. Even getting a job has been a "rich people thing". No one's hiring and all the job advice assumes you have this thing called a 'network' which is something only rich people have. "Oh, can't get a job? Contact your network of billionaire friends and they'll pull some strings to get a job for you." Yeah thanks out of touch article....I'll get right on that. Me, who's not conventionally attractive and therefore never made friends and also lives in a rural red flyover state. I TOTALLY know some high-up people who would be happy to sacrifice their own wealth for me.

And people wonder why younger people are so unhappy? Because we have either been restricted from fully participating in society or barred from it altogether because we all forgot that poor people exist.

DnD taking away racial ability score adjustments

I just had another one.

I got in the shower and the shampoo bottle was empty. The shower was already going and I was already wet, so I couldn't get out and get another bottle.

I'll have to remember to put another one in before my next shower. In fact, I think I need to buy one first too

My wife and I both tested positive for COVID for the first (and so far only) time on September 11 of this last year, and have been referring to it as our personal 9/11.

One time I decided to get spaghetti and sauce while I was food shopping but I forgot that I had taken my motorcycle to the store and bought too much stuff to fit comfortably under the cargo net on the back. So I tried to just ride reeeeal slow and easy to get it all home, and I made it all the way to the turn onto my home street, and that was when it all slipped out of the net and smashed into the road.

I went back on foot to survey the damage. One can of beans survived the fall, and one bottle of soda didn't fall off at all. So that was my dinner that night.

The state I live in has had approximately 27 9/11’s worth of Covid casualties reported

Last year I stubbed my toe so bad I broke it and then it was swollen to twice the normal size for 6 months.