this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 120 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 32 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 19 points 10 months ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 7 points 10 months ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)
[–] DarkDarkHouse 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] LordTrychon@startrek.website 4 points 10 months ago
  • base10, provably
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[–] SidewaysHighways@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Verdun here

[–] Bertuccio@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 63 points 10 months ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 52 points 10 months ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] Donkter@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 31 points 10 months ago

The audience always wants more

[–] ToffeeIsForClosers@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 13 points 10 months ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] RarePossum@programming.dev 9 points 10 months ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

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[–] snekerpimp@lemmy.world 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 21 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] spaceguy5234@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] lugal@sopuli.xyz 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] HairyHarry@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] cpw@lemmy.ca 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

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[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 16 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 4 points 10 months ago
[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:

I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.

[–] Classy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's word play.

No pun intended.
"No pun in ten did [win the contest]"

[–] ahal@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 months ago

Yes I understand. It works spelled that way. But "no pun intended" doesn't work because there was no pun in the initial setup. In my version both meanings make sense

[–] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 10 months ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] 4am@lemm.ee 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] egerlach@lemmy.ca 43 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Egerlach, they once called this bard

Who'd school any with whom he did spar

Whether trochee or dactyl

word choice was impec'ble

master of prosody, unflappable.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] _lilith@lemmy.world 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
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[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 9 points 10 months ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] drphungky@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] Carbonizer@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 7 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] DarkDarkHouse 6 points 10 months ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] Iron_Lynx@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] Crumbgrabber@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] Kalkaline@leminal.space 8 points 10 months ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] thenextguy@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago
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