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submitted 4 months ago by t0fr@lemmy.ca to c/196@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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[-] malle_yeno@pawb.social 65 points 4 months ago

I feel embarrassed to say this, but I straight up have to use reminders to go "hey, talk to X person" and set them up in advance. Because otherwise our chats will just be me going "happy birthday" or "happy new year" and that's it for the year.

It's not that my friends aren't important to me, its just that it never occurs to me naturally to be the one reaching out. Can't tell if I'm a bad friend or if I just have zero object permanence for people lmao

[-] ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.ml 16 points 4 months ago

You'd fit in great with everyone in Seattle. It's expected here that you never talk to people you know ever, except maybe a happy birthday during a Monday lunch break you're trying to justify extending a few minutes

[-] t0fr@lemmy.ca 16 points 4 months ago

Damn, maybe I need reminders to do that.

[-] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 months ago

I am equally, if not more embarrassed to say this is an excellent idea and I need to steal it.

[-] rozwud@beehaw.org 4 points 4 months ago

I'm the same way! I think it's because I'm friends with enough full on extroverts that my social battery fills up without me trying before I ever reach the point of thinking, "Hey, I'd like to chat / hang out with someone. I should reach out."

[-] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 35 points 4 months ago

Play games?

No talk! Just play!

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 4 months ago

this is like half the reason why deep rock galactic is so beloved, i don't know of many other games where you can just randomly join some server and wordlessly (aside from the dwarves speaking for you) communicate almost completely efficiently

[-] antonim@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 4 months ago

Does the picture imply that the two desires are contradictory?

Personally, I talk with my best friend like once a month...

[-] Mesophar@lemm.ee 7 points 4 months ago

It is difficult to make new friends when prioritizing the second desire, or at least takes a lot more trial and error, or luck, to find other people comfortable with that.

[-] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 14 points 4 months ago

Took a few decades, but i eventually realized I want the second one more than the first. So my friendships are dependent on how comfortable they are with not talking for at least a month at a time.

[-] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago

I am in this picture and I don't like it

[-] Phenomephrene@thebrainbin.org 5 points 4 months ago

This is mostly me as well. The only difference is that I've pretty much stopped drinking soda. Everything else is accurate though.

[-] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

If I don't see someone on a regular basis, I straight up forget they exist.

[-] Daxtron2@startrek.website 8 points 4 months ago

Do you also feel like no time has passed when you do see them again? That's how I am

[-] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 9 points 4 months ago

Ya, pretty much. Like I have a friend from highschool I haven't seen in person in fuck like 15 years but when we text and call it's like we saw eachother yesterday.

I also forget my mother exists as stupid as that sounds. I work overnight, and I live 1200 miles away, so I never get a chance to see or talk to her.

[-] Hathaway@lemmy.zip 4 points 4 months ago

Call your mom. (If your relationship is good) it’s been a long time since I’ve been able to, you don’t forget once they’re gone and it’s too late.

Sorry for the dramatics, I lost my mom when I was 21

[-] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago

Planned on calling her today. It's her birthday.

[-] t0fr@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 months ago

Yeahhhhhh I can relate to that

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

A bit of a rant: I have this friend online who is lonely and heavily depressed but she also refuses to talk to people and put herself out there or talking to a therapist all because "she is afraid of people". I have no idea how to help her.

[-] enemyofsun@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 months ago

I was kinda like your friend. There's probably some obstacle that prevents her from working on herself. It's easy with depression/anxiety to just blame yourself while ignoring obvious external reason.

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 4 months ago

how can I help her, what made you get out of that situation

[-] enemyofsun@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 4 months ago

what made you get out of that situation

A lot of help and support from people around me. Without them I would never be able to finish my college. And then overcoming my social awkwardness with a patient and caring person. Also gaining economic independence was huge for me.

[-] t0fr@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 months ago

Do you guys talk?

[-] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 4 months ago

yea almoat daily

[-] t0fr@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 months ago

Well at least they're not scared of you and you give each other some company

[-] Asafum@feddit.nl 5 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I literally grabbed my phone to text my friend something last night and deleted it half way because I didn't want to have a drawn out conversation lol

I'm the worst...

[-] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

It tends to be easier to have friends when you're all living close together and socialization is very easy. I run into my neighbors outside all the time and we regularly chat with one another. Then every month or two someone throws a party and invites everyone else over. That's how we all stay connected.

I've got another group of friends who host a game night at their house every other Sunday. Its a routine, same time and same place, and the house is right in the center of town so its easy for everyone to get there.

I almost never see my coworkers outside of the office, though. They're all out in random distant corners of the various suburbs. Any kind of meeting would be a huge hassle for at least some of them. We grab lunch on occasion, but we don't have any opportunity to see one another outside of work, so friendships never develop past basic business associations.