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You could call this a sequel to my last question, but I was genuinely curious. Question inspired by someone I know joking about being arrested for selling donuts to someone who died as a result because they didn't need junk food.

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[-] theywilleatthestars@lemmy.world 70 points 2 months ago

Giving birth is a capital crime, because you're bringing someone who will one day die into the world

[-] MedicPigBabySaver@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago

Outlaw schools. They provide an education like chemistry or physics which can help people try to get away with murder.

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

It's true! I've seen Breaking Bad!

[-] Boozilla@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago

Rubbing one out lowers aggression, ergo masturbation is now mandatory. You all know what to do here, people.

[-] dustyData@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

Counterpoint: masturbation is genocide and menstruation is murder as it is a failure to bring a life to the world. Therefore everyone beyond puberty is guilty of murder by default.

[-] Worx@lemmynsfw.com 7 points 2 months ago
[-] AndrewZabar@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Right? Especially the priests
Oh my god ohmygod I’m going to hell! After I raped those three boys, I masturbated!”

[-] Quexotic@infosec.pub 3 points 2 months ago

Oh who are you kidding? It's no more guilt than we already had drilled into us by doing 12 years on the inside.

[-] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago
[-] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place 21 points 2 months ago

Obviously, anyone selling guns would be slippery slope murder.

But, military contractors would be committing slippery slope war crimes, including genocide.

Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.

Car dealerships would be aiding & abetting. They'd also be involved with vehicular manslaughter, drug trafficking, sex trafficking, ...really any trafficking. Add all transportation forms to the list.

Bars for DUIs and related deaths. Also, child abuse, physical & sexual assault.

All comms technology, including phones & computers, would be involved in espionage & conspiracy. Internet device manufacturers and ISPs would be engaged in facilitating data piracy & fraud.

[-] fubo@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.

Hey, those paper roses make really cute gifts for your crackhead sweetie.

[-] m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 months ago

In BC, Canada bars and servers can be held liable up to millions of dollars for DUIs and drink driving accidents when they over-server someone.

The mandatory government licensing course for all who server alcohol, Serving It Right, makes it clear and even cites an example where a server sent someone home in cab. The person them left their home in their car, and the server was fined.

[-] lukstru@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Sugar increases the risk of health complications, therefore selling products containing added sugar is assault

[-] Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

Losing your job increases your likelihood to steal by like a bajillion percent.

Empty your desk and report to the prison by noon.

[-] Quexotic@infosec.pub 8 points 2 months ago

Or, Employment is now mandatory and considered a human right?

[-] XTL@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 months ago

Finding employment is just losing a job with extra steps. Straight to jail.

[-] Krono@lemmy.today 11 points 2 months ago

Charging your phone is murder because coal-fired power plants kill 43,000 people per year (in the US alone).

[-] Soup@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Oh you’re good at running? Running from what, hmmm…?

You walk or you die.

[-] fubo@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

I sure wouldn't want to be in the rope business.

[-] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago

Baking bread is the same as moonshining

[-] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago

Common cheap field drug tests commonly react to (yield substance-positive results) to other substances such as powdered sugar, human ashes, some foodstuffs and plastics.

Normally an additional sample is supposed to be sent to a lab for more specific results, but the courts in most states accept the field tests as definitive. A positive result is definitely probable cause, which allows officers to search your vehicle or home and take your money and solvent assets, as per asset forfeiture.

But yes, you can expect common substances to be grounds for a drug trafficking charge. Is an execution summary (id est, on sight)?

[-] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 months ago

Distracted driving is as dangerous as drunk driving.

The #1 cause of distracted driving is cellphones.

Cellphones are now illegal.

[-] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

Somewhat related to this:

Talking on your cellphone while driving: illegal
Using a hands-free device to talk on your cellphone while driving: legal
Resting your head against your hand while driving: legal

Legally resting your head against your hand while driving, and your hand comes in contact with your legal hands-free making it no longer "hands-free": straight to jail.

[-] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Education increases the likelihood of earning a higher income.

Money is used to buy drugs.

All education is now illegal.

this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2024
80 points (96.5% liked)

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