80
Giving birth is a capital crime, because you're bringing someone who will one day die into the world
Outlaw schools. They provide an education like chemistry or physics which can help people try to get away with murder.
It's true! I've seen Breaking Bad!
Rubbing one out lowers aggression, ergo masturbation is now mandatory. You all know what to do here, people.
Counterpoint: masturbation is genocide and menstruation is murder as it is a failure to bring a life to the world. Therefore everyone beyond puberty is guilty of murder by default.
Catholics start sweating
Right? Especially the priests
“Oh my god ohmygod I’m going to hell! After I raped those three boys, I masturbated!”
Oh who are you kidding? It's no more guilt than we already had drilled into us by doing 12 years on the inside.
Start?
Obviously, anyone selling guns would be slippery slope murder.
But, military contractors would be committing slippery slope war crimes, including genocide.
Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.
Car dealerships would be aiding & abetting. They'd also be involved with vehicular manslaughter, drug trafficking, sex trafficking, ...really any trafficking. Add all transportation forms to the list.
Bars for DUIs and related deaths. Also, child abuse, physical & sexual assault.
All comms technology, including phones & computers, would be involved in espionage & conspiracy. Internet device manufacturers and ISPs would be engaged in facilitating data piracy & fraud.
Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.
Hey, those paper roses make really cute gifts for your crackhead sweetie.
In BC, Canada bars and servers can be held liable up to millions of dollars for DUIs and drink driving accidents when they over-server someone.
The mandatory government licensing course for all who server alcohol, Serving It Right, makes it clear and even cites an example where a server sent someone home in cab. The person them left their home in their car, and the server was fined.
Sugar increases the risk of health complications, therefore selling products containing added sugar is assault
Losing your job increases your likelihood to steal by like a bajillion percent.
Empty your desk and report to the prison by noon.
Or, Employment is now mandatory and considered a human right?
Finding employment is just losing a job with extra steps. Straight to jail.
Charging your phone is murder because coal-fired power plants kill 43,000 people per year (in the US alone).
Oh you’re good at running? Running from what, hmmm…?
You walk or you die.
I sure wouldn't want to be in the rope business.
Baking bread is the same as moonshining
Common cheap field drug tests commonly react to (yield substance-positive results) to other substances such as powdered sugar, human ashes, some foodstuffs and plastics.
Normally an additional sample is supposed to be sent to a lab for more specific results, but the courts in most states accept the field tests as definitive. A positive result is definitely probable cause, which allows officers to search your vehicle or home and take your money and solvent assets, as per asset forfeiture.
But yes, you can expect common substances to be grounds for a drug trafficking charge. Is an execution summary (id est, on sight)?
Distracted driving is as dangerous as drunk driving.
The #1 cause of distracted driving is cellphones.
Cellphones are now illegal.
Somewhat related to this:
Talking on your cellphone while driving: illegal
Using a hands-free device to talk on your cellphone while driving: legal
Resting your head against your hand while driving: legal
Legally resting your head against your hand while driving, and your hand comes in contact with your legal hands-free making it no longer "hands-free": straight to jail.
Education increases the likelihood of earning a higher income.
Money is used to buy drugs.
All education is now illegal.
this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2024
80 points (96.5% liked)
Ask Lemmy
27225 readers
1810 users here now
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS