the traditional "birthday song".

That Mariah Carey Christmas song every single retail worker hates

Baby Shark. The entire time that ducking song was making it's rounds through society, I managed to avoid it. I knew it was repetitive and awful, and through good fortune and luck, it missed me completely.

Then I watched the new season of Umbrella Academy. Those motherfuckers.

The US national anthem. People will stand around before sporting events knowing that they used to do something but are mystified they can't remember what.

No one's gonna say that marraiah carrey christmas song? Ok i'll say it, tha marraiah carrey Christmas song.

The "oh no oh no" high pitched "song" from TikTok that plays from my mom's phone when I'm about to sleep

All I want for Christmas - Mariah Carrey

Because it's already starting again, "Last Christmas". Fuck that garbage piece of shit song that's ruining the lives of everyone that has to work in retail during Christmas.

Either the British or American national anthems, they're both pretentious as fuck and it'd be kinda interesting to see if something like that has knock on effects down the line.

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runs screaming off a cliff, smiling through tears

They did. You're welcome.

Last Christmas by Wham!

Entry of the Gladiators

If that song had never existed

Which military march would get turned into clown music?

The goddamn Macarena.

Happy Birthday

Oh, probably this song or one like it:

Yes, it was a real song, published in London in 1900.

Everyone's ragging on the Christmas retail ambience songs, but at least you can mitigate the risks of hearing those ones by staying the fuck out of shopping malls. My top three:

• Cotton Eye Joe
• Whatever that song is that's basically just "tonight's gonna be a good night" over and over
• Danza Kuduro

Bird is the word, fuck that song and on a similar note, fuck Peter Griffin.

"Last Christmas"

I’d improvise one on the spot. just to prevent the erasure of others’ art. Nah, fuck that; Baby Shark can die.

Rule Brittania would be a good one to rid history of.

At first, I was going to pass on destroying music, but then I remembered the anger I feel any time I have to see Peter Pan because, in part, the fucking racist shit that is What Makes the Red Man Red. Maybe I could work out a deal to erase the entire movie...

Before anyone attempts to defend it with, "it was a product of the times", know that the play Peter Pan is based on was considered shockingly racist at the time and Disney's solution to that was to double down on the racism so that nobody would take it seriously.

The Song That Doesn’t End—we’ll finally rescue all those people who started singing it not knowing what it was.

Happy Birthday, just because it'll be interesting to see what we all choose to do instead of singing that song.

The whole of The Ramones catalogue. Basically just one song split into parts.

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna get rolled again

Baby it’s cold outside.

Seems to be America’s favourite rape song played for the entire cold season.

The American national anthem, please.

It's such a terrible song, and it keeps getting sung in weird ways by bad singers. I swear, as a non-american I'm subjugated to it more often than all other national anthems combined, including my own.

The Chicken Dance.

Baaaaby SHARK! Do-da-dooo, baby SHark…..

Happy birthday song.

Now it's even more awkward as everyone must stare in silence in front of the cake 😈

4′33″. I hate that melody and would rather just listen to silence.

Mr. Brightside by the killers.... fuck that song, fuck that song so much. My hatred of that song extends to everything else the killers do without ever hearing them

Queen's Radio Ga-Ga so I won't have PTSD about it anymore. When I was 19, I worked on a cruise ship that was still in the final stages of construction and at one point they were testing the PA system by playing that song, on repeat, for seven whole fucking days.

Freebird. It's the audio equivalent of Hookworm.

Hotel California. I refuse to elaborate further.

Kars 4 Kids.

Jesse's Girl. My high school used it daily in an ad for some bullshit they wanted to sell, and my first 10 working years they had a radio on wherever I worked on one of three stations depending, all of which play that song at least (at least) once a day every day. (That's at least daily and sometimes twice a day exposure to that garbage song for 14 years straight for anyone counting.)

If I hear it come on I will leave the room, and I'll be back in 3:14. Idgaf where I am. If I have the aux (it won't be played, but if it somehow does) I'm changing it. If I hit the lotto I'm buying the rights so nobody can play it on the radio and taking it off streaming so I can lessen the likelihood of exposure. I'll put it for free on itunes or some shit and never strike pirates but for the love of god please don't play it near me!