I've done a couple rounds in therapy, and in coming with that there's a lot of reading and learning about psychology.

One of the concepts that keeps coming up is that the patient will often resist the treatment - even when they're directing their treatment themselves.

Part of the reason for this is that the brain ultimately wants to keep you safe. However what's safe isn't necessarily what's good for you. The brain craves repetition on a subconscious level because repetition is familiar and familiar is safe.

So if you're in a bad mood, particularly if you're in a bad mood all the time, on some level subconsciously you want to be in a bad mood.

Another way to look at it might be that if you're already feeling bad, you have fewer mental resources to deal with. If your already in a position of scarcity, it can be difficult to come up with the motivation to change your attitude

For me, i just want to make myself cry and pour that feeling out instead of stuffing it in. After i enter my teen year i stopped crying for some reason, even when i'm in my depression year and super down. Then fast forward to my early 30s, a breakup makes me realise how therapeutic crying are. It's a human function that get denied because i'm a MAN. So now if i feel super down i will try visit those song or media that makes me feel relatable and felt like i'm not alone in this kind of situation, and then pour that feeling out, after that it's sunshine. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I hit a weird depression last year, where I was laid off and was very melancholy. I was missing the UK for some reason and feeling general wanderlust, probably because I was stuck at home and couldn't go anywhere or do anything. So I fell head first into... Jane Austen. As a man, it was honestly a lot of fun. I watched Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Becoming Jane (outlier I know), and honestly I loved a BBC only version of Northanger Abbey starring Felicity Jones and the Onion Knight from GoT.

Looking back, as a male, I don't think I was dealing with my emotions well, and this was funnily enough a great outlet for me, where I could be extremely overly emotional while working through my anger and depression. It was... fun, in a way, wallowing in that, my SO and I watched movies like that every night for a week. Sometimes you just feel... sad. And you keep feeling sad until you're not

Similarly, I wanna know what's the deal with liking sad movies or sad songs! Also I like the horror genre too -obviously being scared is a negative emotion, but it's like chasing the next high. I just have this appreciation when various art forms are able to arouse these big types of emotions. It's much better than blandness, which is boring.

I think people just crave feeling alive, and maybe that's what feeling sad does for some of us?

Btw you might like this Weezer song. It's a little juvenile in that Weezer way, but the lyrics talk about exactly this! It's called "All My Favorite Songs" (are slow and sad lol): https://youtu.be/AGPdXYG1msg

I often look at the music in my collection and think I must be addicted to depression because 90% of my music is depressing shit about how life sucks, how suicide would be a great option, or how love is a lie.

I don't seek out music that is angry or sad; I just click more with anything where the artist's emotions are clearly present in the music, and there just doesn't seem to be a helluva lot of happy music that actually has passion behind it and isn't some corporate pop shit.

I searched for life advice in 30s on youtube and all the videos recommended to me after I watched two videos were about "life changing experience" to "Things to do before turning 30" Videos and still recommended to me.

I think it is because people search for the current issue and suddenly you get tons and tons of relevant videos recommended and they don't go away.

It works the other way to though, if you suddenly start watching fitness videos suddenly all you do is watch fitness videos and believe me from there it ain't far to the protein, carb etc. videos and then it starts mixing up your previous searches "depression" with "fitness" and you landed by the wonderful Tate.

Which is why my video feed is screwed up in an interesting way and my brain doesn't know if it is fine or not. I have Starcraft Videos popping up next to Asmongold, ThatWasEpic, MarkManson and mixed in with random nonames how they got no friends and struggle in life and the next video is someone who tells me to go to the gym at 5 in the morning because thats what machines do.

I think these feeds can make people feel certain ways and if you are feeling bad you are most likely gonna watch something that is about feeling depressed.

I'm surprised this isn't a !megathreads@lemm.ee thing. But yeah, what you describe sounds like a case of wanting better closure to a certain issue. I can't imagine this being an addiction, that would be sadism.

The best way to feel better isn't by trying to cheer myself up but just exist in the current emotion and go on it's way.

I'll usually turn in for the night early, listen to some music by myself and rest until I want to actually sleep.

When Im like that, I know i need a real good cry, so ibout on one of the shows or movies I know make me bawl like a little baby and just cry away my feelings, Ricky Gervais's Derek is one that works well for me.

I used to have that. I found a cure though. The cure for me was meditation and exercising my brain's ability to have thoughts and not let them reel on anymore. I was depressed and had suicidal thoughts even though my life is going really well. I know it's not for everyone, but Buddhism and meditation changed my life.

I'm not saying you're not welcome to post here, but maybe you'll find more like-minded individuals over at https://hexbear.net/c/neurodiverse? I only just joined the community so I can't speak to what it's like though.

I'm not a professional in any sense, but it sounds like you're having trouble actually processing your emotions and getting the closure you need. Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about what you go through?