this post was submitted on 02 Jan 2025
385 points (91.8% liked)

Greentext

5387 readers
1122 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 170 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (6 children)

pissing standing up

I sit on my throne like a king.

[–] Glide@lemmy.ca 71 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I sit down every time I go to piss because it's one if the few places where I can be sure I'll be left alone. It's not about the piss. It's about the break.

[–] masterbaexunn@lemmy.world 49 points 2 months ago (2 children)

It's also about not spraying piss all over my floor

[–] tacosplease@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

Or having both hands for the phone, or not needing to blind yourself with a light in the middle of the night. So many reasons.

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

Mark your territory, boy.

[–] deathbird@mander.xyz 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Someone doesn't just get followed into the bathroom I see.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 63 points 2 months ago

Only in a greentext will OP talk about their family members getting horny over little things

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 46 points 2 months ago

The solution clearly is to piss on her to establish dominance

[–] jbk@discuss.tchncs.de 41 points 2 months ago (2 children)

why sinks are more practical

[–] ODuffer@lemmy.world 24 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah, but take the dishes out.

[–] three@lemm.ee 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Leave them in, saves water.

[–] activ8r@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Someone told me urine was sterile once... Probably true.

[–] Lyrl@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's quite low in bacteria when fresh, so in situations clean water is unavailable fresh urine can substitute in a pinch. But it's not fully sterile, and given even a couple of hours outside the body it grows significant colonies.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

They're in the toilet, so it's fine

[–] KreekyBonez@lemmy.world 15 points 2 months ago

it's better to piss in the sink, than to sink in the piss

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 40 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Try hearing all of your neighbors pissing...

I swear to Christ, I think I've stumbled onto the one apartment building with paper-thin walls that's also filled to the brim with neighbors who aim straight for the water...

[–] Ibuthyr@lemmy.wtf 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You guys with your weird water-to-the-brim toilets. My first encounter with an American toilet made me think it was clogged. So I pissed outside to satiate my feral needs.

[–] unknown1234_5@kbin.earth 17 points 2 months ago (7 children)

the hell kind of toilet were you using? they usually have water in like the bottom third and the water level only goes up for a moment when you flush.

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 2 months ago

That's just because they don't have water in European toilets, they flush by spitting into the toilet until the poo goes down.

[–] Tiefkuehlkost@feddit.org 10 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I use a nice "watch-your-shit" toilet

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] ramenshaman@lemmy.world 31 points 2 months ago (2 children)

/r/sinkpissers

Not sure if we have a lemmy community for this yet

[–] dogsnest@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago

Is there a queue for moderators?

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I should preemptively block this. And you as well you filthy animal

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 30 points 2 months ago

Short units make high pressure. Smart girls hear the Reynolds number and know

[–] Codandchips@lemmy.world 30 points 2 months ago
[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 25 points 2 months ago (3 children)

ok, sidepoint, but the other day I realized that urinals are just dedicated walls for people to pee on and I think that's really sweet

[–] killingspark@feddit.org 7 points 2 months ago (6 children)

I've got news for you, on festivals there are sometimes literal metal walls to piss on with a drain beneath.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] crowbar@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

How is that sweet im curious

[–] wetsoggybread@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

Well its probably sweet if you're diabetic

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 months ago (5 children)

Okay hear me out, the water splashes less. It makes sound but if you piss on the ceramic the piss moisture comes back at you which is disgusting.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 56 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You gotta improve your angle so the piss whirlpools around the bowl

[–] codexarcanum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Trick-pissing champ here, the real homies bank their shots off the shower walls first before swirling it around the bowl for the finale. If I've been drinking heavily the night before, I'll piss fakey or throw in some yoga poses to up the challenge. The only way to be great is to push yourself a little farther each time you step up to the bowl.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Behind the knee and then over the shoulder has always been a crowd pleaser for me. I've had friends recently get into the long distance bracket, they often practice with their backs against the wall and piss hitting the urinal in a public washroom. They often score for distance and duration.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Contramuffin@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (3 children)

The main reason to aim for the water is as contingency for split streams. Aim for center so that split streams have less chance of breaching the toilet bowl perimeter

[–] Psaldorn@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)

It's the 3am total darkness pisses. You use the sound to locate your stream and angle. Then you can hit the water/bowl interface and then fire for effect.

As the stream lessens you micro adjust to stay in the sweet zone.

Nobody wants to hit the edge, spray all over your shins then bend over to wipe it up and slip in your own piss spray slippery floor and knock yourself out on the pissy rim only to wake up to all your family looking at you in distain as you lay on the pissy floor.

[–] spidermanchild@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

Oddly specific but also very relatable. Well done.

[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 7 points 2 months ago

Nobody wants to hit the edge, spray all over your shins then bend over to wipe it up and slip in your own piss

This is why guys get married, to escape this hazaed... Night piss everywhere and ignore it, have the wife clean it up and complain endlessly.

This is also the leading cause of divorce apparently, according to the Wikipedia article on the matter.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

No, the main reason is establish dominance with your loud, heavy flow piss stream. The splashes on the seat you intentionally kept down are there to mark your territory against any pissers that wish to challenge you.

Yeah, I start the stream slow in the center, then move to the ceramic as I increase the pressure. As the stream weakens, I move to the center-back so I don't drip on the seat.

My wife wants me to sit down, but I sometimes sneak in a standing pee and she never notices w/ this strategy.

[–] BowtiesAreCool@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

I’ve found the opposite. Due to the angles of the sides of the bowl, a majority of rebound splash inside the toilet still, whereas directly in the water you get the pee waters vouching back chaotically and making their way more on the rim and out of the toilet.

[–] Eheran@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

I hope this was a joke.

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

I dont like to hold it so i pee many small amounts a day. Its hard to code with a full bladder

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 months ago

I piss many large amounts a day. Drink a glass extra, good for your brain and health

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›