"Can you believe these stock gurus are so woke? They are trying to make the markets identify as a bear. By Executive Order, I hereby designate that the US stock market is an eagle, forever soaring! Anyone who says the market is down will be shipped to El Salvador"
this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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Too realistic
I know, I should have misspelled some words or something
Go into an unhinged tangent on how windmills are causing the jet stream to slow down
Needed more accordion hands. And it should have been one sentence with about ten different tangents.
Also orange.
That would have made it even more realistic.
I've seen a few talking heads today desperately trotting out the "investing is a long term strategy" line and telling people not to sell or pull their money from their portfolios.
The statement is somewhat correct, but all they are after here is for a shmuck to hold the bag for them while the big players pull their tricks.
Yeah, last time this happened the market and economy stayed weak, with only massive government spending on public works and job programs saving the economy from complete collapse.
And we all know that ain't happening, given the current trajectory.
Welcome to orange Monday, a new day of worsts early in the trumpcession
Doesn’t even make the top 5 worst stock days unfortunately.
They are doing their best with the framing, but I do get the feeling - considering how futures had been trading before - this is going to be a dead cat bounce.
It turned positive on some rumor of a pause in tariffs. Whitehouse denied it on CNBC and markets tanked again.
Interesting to note the same thing happened with CA/Mex tariff 1month pause, and after denying the rumor Trump did the pause anyway. IMHO that’s why today’s bounce had legs, algos uncertain if near history will repeat itself. It just might, careful how many puts you load up on out there traders!
We’re an hour into the trading session.
Right now we’re all just pushing the stock price planchette — the bears and shorts all entered this morning with their trades queued up from the weekend.
Where we stop nobody knows, usually there are a few reversals through the day.
the bears and shorts all entered this morning with their trades queued up from the weekend.
Yupp, that's why it would be very fitting as a proper dead cat bounce from just the massive amount of shorting that had already been happening.
But you are also right - no one has a crystal ball here. Who knows where the volatile ride will stop.
There was a brief $200 spike that lasted 15 minutes and then went back down to where it was. Looks like someone with a lot of money made a bid to "buy the dip". Absolutely nothing to justify this headline.
Yupp, seems that they quickly changed it back, too, lol.
It looked good today, until it didnt....
Trump right now "Trust me, I know what I'm doing! Things will get better soon it will be worth it! I promise!".
Says the compulsive liar who bankrupted 4 casinos, repeatedly stiffs his business partners and only began making real money in corruption schemes.
by better, he means bankrupt.
When circuit breakers ?
My head cannon says 10%, but I just looked it up for not knowing and it turns out there are 3 circuit breaker levels on intraday: 7%, 13%, and 20%. TIL
Republican tariff market collapse.
It's a shame we don't have a competent left in the US. This is an opportunity.
As Republican voters have been turned into easily deluded suckers unable to think critically or act in their own interests, now would be the perfect time to capitalize on that and turn them against the core rot of our society: unrestrained capitalism. That's why we have Trump to begin with.
"Look, the capital markets are anti MAGA! The capital markets must be destroyed, if you disagree you have Trump derangement syndrome! Capitalism is revealed as a woke leftist plot to discredit GodEmperorDaddyTrump!"
The capitalists defunded education for decades to cut their own taxes despite profiting from a literate workforce pool, and pushed profit friendly lies through for profit media and captured government pulpits. The capitalists made this drooling army of rage zombies that is the Republican base. They don't know which way is up. They might not be doing it for the right reasons, but this is a magic moment where the monsters could be given a nudge to turn on their oligarch creators.
The left in this country has been violently suppressed for decades and still is
Not just in the US
Left over scars from the red scare movement, which really sucks.
Surely it’s a better strategy to simply do nothing but more insider trading over the next 3 years. That’s the key, we will win!
And Trump is doubling down on the tariffs. Looks like it's gonna be a fun year.
This year's season of America is shaping up to have all sorts of plot twists. I wonder when writers will write an episode or two for the NATO plotline?
Today is shaking up to be volatile as fuck. Now it’s up 200.
Edit: looks like the story has also been updated to say things are positive.
Edit 2: and now down a shitload again. Yup, volatile as fuck.
It just went back down $200. This spike lasted 15 minutes.
Pump and dump baby!
No it's down again.
Yeah, that was my point. It’s volatile AF. Erratic swings up and down by thousands is not a healthy sign.
Day ain't over.
I was about to say the dow looks like a falling knife, but checking in on it after opening, it looks like it's having a seizure.
funny gmod impact noises
Any day that's not a free fall, is a good day
Got it. Today is bad.
