Sweet baby Jesus I can see this whole thing in my head every time I read it, these previews are so cookie cutter it's insane
this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2025
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I absolutely hate this, but can't deny that it's accurate
And jack will cheer on the Gaza genocide in a press briefing.
AI will create this movie 20 years from now, I hope you're happy.
I'm predicting 20 months
Psh there's probably some Jabroni already working on it as we speak
The fact that they show a Dark Souls poster and proceed to describe an Elden ring movie is very funny. Like the producers don't know the difference.
they'd be proud of the fact that they never played video games, let alone the source material.
look at interviews surrounding halo paramount, "we want to tell our own story in this setting" then proceeds to make garbage that actively disrespects the source.
“We didn’t look at the game. We didn’t talk about the game. We talked about the characters and the world. So I never felt limited by it being a game.”
The quote is amazing.
that's an even better quote than the one I remembered
Final shot is Jack Black clumsily wading through a poison swamp, “not again!”
The swamp itself farts with every green bubble that boils and pops on the surface.
That was unfortunately a Jack Black of a different era. This one abandons his lifelong friend to be as hollywood safe as possible for saying meanie-bobeanie things about trump (as a comedian on a stage that is known for political jokes)
Pretty good soundtrack too.
Yup. Most that you can fault it for, is the mechanics later in the game, which try to teach you how to play multiplayer, getting too repetetive.
Because of course the game had PvP battling with music stages as bases.
I think the main issue people had was it had lot of RTS sections further in.
They weren't actually that bad, but the demo gave no clue that the main chunk of gameplay was going to be running around issuing orders rather than the basic heavy metal themed hack-and-slash it pretended to be.
I hate that I can visualize this greentext so easily.
THIS SUMMER, ROB SCHNEIDER DOOP DE DERP DEE DOODLEY DERP
"What? Who cares? YOU'LL WATCH IT. Fuck you."
This summer, unfortunately, Rob Schneider is
going, FULL MAGA.
zoom in on Schnieder doing a goofy face while wearing a red baseball cap as a slide whistle plays and he says "Who's afraid of the big, bad gays?"
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"Praise the sun!" Start trashing the cinema and blasting take on me full volume
Based af
Movie is called Dark Souls, plot is Elden Ring. Hollywood on par for the course.
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"Ah sweet, a new Miyazaki film!"
They need to combine forces so Studio Ghibli makes a Dark Souls/Elden Ring movie, and Fromsoft makes a game about Princess Mononoke or something.
Would a dark souls movie actively keep anyone with a handicap from entering the theater?
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Wrong Miyazaki! Go back!
*gets bogged down in poison swamp*
Well, I know people would watch it.
I did not watch the Minecraft movie myself, no desire to experience a full theater of people throwing popcorn around screaming chicken jockey.
Movie industry is fucked.
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I wish “The Studio” was ballsy enough to do an episode about this exactly.
Yeah, that probably exactly what's gonna happen. Just make sure to end me before that please.
"they ruined it! There aren't even bonfires in elden ring! In lore theyre called this-games-thing!"
Fuck it, I'm down
Just a matter of time until this trailer gets made. I remember the Oppenheimer one and now that we've got the AI trailers, you don't even need an actual movie to use as source material this time.
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