Sorry, my mom says I can't have any more pixels this week
@gofsckyourself@lemmy.world who art in heaven, save us from this peril
this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2025
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And then there was light!
I don't care what your mom says, you're getting a few more pixels!
But only a few.
What is this withcraft?
Some folk call it "data hoarding."
Y’all coulda left a little for the rest of us come on
They mock us now, but they'll be at our doors, begging us to share our sweet, sweet memes after the internet falls.
What's your secret for recall though? I just have 30 years of garbage dumped and theoretically backed up
Searching through data hordes is an actually great use of “AI”, though in this case basic OCR would suffice.
Alternatively, crop the top part off and Google image search it.
Are you a Google or a Meta or something else?
You're not my real dad, and now I can't have dessert for a month
I was hungy
Don't forget the part where they label him and antisemite for trying to feed those in need
Executed?
No, no, they've learned from the Romans' mistakes. They love the salute for some weird reason, but they don't like martyrs or truth.
"Known cult leader arrested for terrorism dies in Roman custody."
"Witnesses claim Radical Leftist injured himself while being transported. 'Died of complications,' says Pilate. Suspect accused of violent assault and robbery at temple, distributing stolen food and wine in exchange for political gain, and tainting local water supply in cult ritual."
"Thousands of loaves of bread and fish of unknown origin seized by authorities. Eleven co-conspirators detained, suspected of cannibalism, extortion, and tax evasion"
"Burial site defiled by graverobber suspected of life insurance fraud, warrant out for arrest of known associate 'Lazarus'"
Finds his demise
grainier goddamn it!
Don't sweat the pixels .... there was bound to be some degradation after 2,000 years.
Only until Jesus posthumously becomes ultraconservative. Death has a way of convincing radicals of the wisdom of supporting the status quo (see also: how dying in a car crash convinced Princess Diana to shut up about land mines and AIDS and instead start telling the British people, through The Sun’s psychic, to vote for Brexit).
Aliens finally visit Earth. They come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously, all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the Pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?"
"You mean JC?", responds one alien. "Yeah, we know him! He's the greatest, isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the Pope follows up with: "He visits every year?! It's been over two millennia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The aliens see that the Pope has become irate at this fact and start trying to rationalize. "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The Pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
And the alien says "Yea, when he first visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates! Why? What did you guys do?"
Can't even have pixels because of communism. Fucking leftists
Except it wouldn't say executed, that would suggest someone was responsible. It would just say "dies"
Finally people realize that Jesus was brown and a communist 🙏
Well, theocrat with an emphasis on social welfare programs.
So basically Marx himself according to Fox.
In the Middle East though so I doubt Fox would bother covering it at all
Too many pixels and not enough jpeg artifacts