this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] baggins@lemmy.ca 109 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

What is the charge?! Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 5 months ago (2 children)

What is the charge?! ~~Eating~~ Boofing a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?

[–] buycurious@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Get your hands off my ~~penis~~ anus!

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[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

Sir, sir! mastication before masterbation.

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[–] Void@lemmings.world 46 points 5 months ago (4 children)

First they came for the spring rolls...

[–] ieatpwns@lemmy.world 24 points 5 months ago

Then I came for the spring rolls

[–] Una@europe.pub 16 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3

[–] dditty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Una@europe.pub 6 points 5 months ago

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[–] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 months ago

You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?

Way ahead of you.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 8 points 5 months ago

And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 months ago

And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

[–] First_Thunder@lemmy.zip 46 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] anotherspinelessdem@lemmy.ml 6 points 5 months ago

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 31 points 5 months ago (3 children)

Why? Why shouldn't I put a spring roll up me bum?

[–] gibmiser@lemmy.world 48 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

the ring isn't flared at the base that's why

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Funniest meme of the day.

[–] Typhoon@lemmy.ca 9 points 5 months ago

Because it offends everyone else at the Chinese buffet.

[–] simplejack@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Because it means you have to poop out your mouth.

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[–] Gork@sopuli.xyz 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

[–] Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 5 months ago

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

[–] don@lemmy.ca 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

My spring rolls, my choice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...

[–] don@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

💢**MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!**💢

(Much amgery stomping noises ~fading off into the distance~)

[DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

[the audience gets served fresh spring rolls]

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[–] Derpenheim@lemmy.zip 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

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[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] MudMan@fedia.io 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Other people in the restaurant?

Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?

One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 12 points 5 months ago

Lest I checked, this was a free country

[–] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 5 months ago
[–] Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 11 points 5 months ago

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

[–] Bucky@okaythen.lol 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

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[–] 0ops@piefed.zip 10 points 5 months ago

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

[–] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

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[–] Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] workerONE@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] FosterMolasses@leminal.space 7 points 5 months ago

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

[–] TriangleSpecialist@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

Health and safety gone mad

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 5 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Where else am I supposed to store them?

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[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 5 months ago

I can do whatever I want >:(

[–] Una@europe.pub 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

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[–] Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip 4 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 months ago

AI or Stupid humans?

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