this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2025

43 points (100.0% liked)

disabled

269 readers

10 users here now

Welcome to c/disabled, an anticapitalist community for disabled people/people with disability(s).

What is disability justice? Disability justice is a framework of activism which centers disabled people of multiple intersections. Before participating in in this community, please read the Ten Principles of Disability Justice.

Do I count as disabled/a person with disability(s)? "Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.

Follow the Rules:

This comm is open to everyone. However, the megathread is only open to people who self-identify as disabled/a person with disability(s). We center the experiences of disabled people here, and if you are abled we ask that you please respect that.
Follow the principles of disability justice, as outlined in the link above.
Zero tolerance for ableism. That includes lateral ableism. Ableism will result in a ban.
No COVID minimization.
Do not offer unsoliticed health advice. We do not want to hear about the wonders of exercise or meditation, thank you very much. Additionally, do not moralize health or "healthy choices".
If posting an image, please write an image description for our blind/low vision comrades. (If doing this is inaccessible to you, DM one of the mods and we will help.)
Please CW and spoiler tag discussions of ableism.
When it comes to identify-first vs person-first language, respect the language that people choose for themselves. If someone wants to be referred to as a disabled person, respect that. If someone wants to be referred to as a person with a disability, respect that.
Try to avoid using ableist language. It is always good to be mindful of the way language has been used to oppress and harm people.
Follow the Hexbear Code of Conduct.

Let's kick back and have fun!

As of December 2025, there is a Matrix Chat Room that adheres to the same rules as the community. If you want to join, it is an invite only server. Just knock to join. Should you have trouble with the link, you can contact the mods for help: https://matrix.to/#/#Hexbear_Disabled_and_ND:matrix.org

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

khizuo@hexbear.net

roux@hexbear.net

ReadFanon@hexbear.net

hexbee@hexbear.net

Edie@hexbear.net

un_mask_me@hexbear.net

gingerbrat@hexbear.net

Disabled Community Megathread from December 1st to December 14th (hexbear.net)

submitted 3 weeks ago by gingerbrat@hexbear.net to c/disabled@hexbear.net

119 comments fedilink hide all child comments

We're in for another two weeks of struggling, yet we are also never alone in these struggles. I hope that all of you find some respite despite the issues you're facing, and that you know you are appreciated, loved, and respected here.

Friendly reminder to please use

spoiler tags and content warnings [cw]

Hexbear CoC

for sensitive content that falls under Hexbear's Code of Conduct. You can find the spoiler tag here:

After clicking it, substitute the second "spoiler" with your content warning and the three underscores ( ___ ) with your sensitive content, and you're all done.

As always, we ask that in order to participate in the weekly megathread, one self-identifies as some form of disabled, which is broadly defined in the community sidebar:

"Disability" is an umbrella term which encompasses physical disabilities, emotional/psychiatric disabilities, neurodivergence, intellectual/developmental disabilities, sensory disabilities, invisible disabilities, and more. You do not have to have an official diagnosis to consider yourself disabled.

Mask up, love one another, and stay alive for one more week.

top 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 17 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

man i hate going to therapy. all this person does is tell me "wow that sucks" and like. okay. i know that, why am i coming here. i feel like it's the same as talking to a chatbot

and then people say "oh you just haven't found the right therapist for you!" but i don't have the money to shop around for random therapists, i've just got the one that's free with my aid. and i have a feeling that even if i did that, it wouldn't help, bc i 1. have internalized that telling other people everything about me will make them think i am insane and i will be severely punished for this and 2. most of the traditional talk therapy methods don't work for me because i am autistic and traumatized. i actually got declined from a (government run) cbt program that probably would have sucked for having too much trauma, but the alternative seems to just be nothing??? lmao

i wanna see if i can switch to animal assisted therapy because i'll get to pet something then at least

[–] Salah@hexbear.net 15 points 2 weeks ago

Therapy for autistic people is very lacking and it’s horribly ableist that experts aren’t doing enough research on developing better methods.

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I hate therapy too! I had five different therapies on the NHS and they were all so bad that they made me feel worse, because I was stressed out about having to go there every week. If it wasn't for disability claims and appeals needing as much medical evidence as possible, i wouldn't have bothered with therapy after realising how awful it is. I don't understand reddit's hard-on for therapy, whenever someone has a problem on reddit they're all "GEt tHeRApy nOw!"

[–] mendiCAN@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

pretending your question wasn't rhetorical, i figger cuz they've actually never had therapy and their understanding of what it is comes from the media they consume

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 9 points 1 week ago

Therapy is often presented as a method "to fix you if you're broken", completely ignoring that people's material conditions play a huge factor in their mental health. The general understanding of therapy seems to be "If your behavior isn't the norm, it needs to be made so, and that's what therapy's for." Apart from the fact that being ND, traumatized, etc doesn't mean you're broken, it makes it seem like therapy is supposed to "weed out the undesirables" and streamline them.

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago

From what I've read on reddit, it seems all of their problems were minor enough that therapy could solve them. Eg liking someone who doesn't like you back, normal family disagreements, that sort of thing. So they assume therapy is the magic fox for everything while those of us who have serious, unfixable problems know it doesn't work for everything.

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

there's also that meme of "men will literally do x before going to therapy" that pisses me off so much like therapy is a magic cure all and would instantly make a sexist man not sexist or whatever, when in my experience therapists barely push back against shitty beliefs

i guess the alternative is admitting mental health improvement would require material and systemic change and libs reaaally don't like those words

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 8 points 1 week ago

Mental health improvement at this point would require a complete change in our way of life. Everything about the way we live now destroys mental health.

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago

There's a reason Eliza was such a revelation.

I can't talk to the efficacy of therapy in general, but if isnt helping you it isnt helping you.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

CW: Doomerism. Probably trauma dumping.

spoiler

I've come to the conclusion that most people creep me out. It's like whenever they smell vulnerability or trauma they go rabid at the smell of what they think is a weakness they can exploit. Like a sharks eyes turning black when it smells blood. There's no humanity or compassion when people go like that. Just the instinctive eat or be eaten mentality our sick system has taught us.

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago

It's not doomerist, but sadly, a very accurate assessment of how things are. I'm gonna be a hopeful optimist and say "It can still be changed", because I truly believe it can.

Unfortunately, you're right, it really is this system who taught us, and oh my, it has taught us well. This exploitation you describe is all too real and I've seen it too.

I want you to know that there's more people like us out there who do not pounce on others like this; people who accommodate and care instead of hurt and exploit. Don't give up hope yet cuddle

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"You have to consider whether doing what is best for the patient is sustainable as a general practice"
First off, get your kant bullshit out of my face, secondly what the fuck.

[–] 0x2640@hexbear.net 11 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

maybe all doctors are bastards,,,,

they are kinda just cops for medical care in most cases

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The worst part about it is that it is a totally unforced conflict of interest. Doctors should have an ethical obligation to their patients and their common humanity solely. But by forcing doctors act as medical gatekeepers we are compromising this and making them untrustworthy to patients.

My doctor making a mistake is human, my doctor withholding medical care makes us opposed.

[–] mononoke 6 points 3 weeks ago

My doctor making a mistake is human, my doctor withholding medical care makes us opposed.

This is the fundamental issue that I think most people don't think of when I compare doctors' roles in society to that of the police. It's really not that unbelievable if we consider the overwhelming role they actually play, which is exactly that: the bureaucratic gatekeeper between receiving care or receiving no care. Don't say anything to piss off a doctor...sound familiar?

[–] mononoke 12 points 1 week ago

This is after the sudden death of Twitter user @MECFSComrade, Megan Pendleton, who was a beloved activist and friend to many suffering with ME/CFS. I am sick of seeing us die, killed by the negligent systems and people around us, many of them with the gall to call themselves "comrade." I am still mourning the deaths of Alice Wong and Leslie Lee III, and now here is another. How many more will it take? Too many. The abled have so much blood on their hands, and they better pray to whatever power they worship that they are never made to answer for it. COVID kills. Wear a mask. Support us while we are still here, or you are no better than the enemy.

[–] Nasalstrip@hexbear.net 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Took a Vyvanse and got 4 essays and all my other college assignments done, going to go pay this bill and turn in my rented textbooks and then it’ll finally be good riddance.

[–] Nasalstrip@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Paying a $250 bill when you just lent your mom 2k and your dad 1.2k is painful.

[–] la_tasalana_intissari_mata@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I mask too well, people end up thinking I have no problems or that I can help them out, sometimes they come for help to me sometimes they think I have it good, none would sit down and try to have a conversation with me about it.

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 5 points 3 weeks ago

I know that feeling all too well cuddle

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

"If you think about it, using a stethoscope is sort of like using AI" - My actual lecturer.

[–] mononoke 8 points 3 weeks ago

It's really fun and cool to witness the degradation of knowledge in real-time.

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

I sometimes wonder how these sentences come about in context, like ???

Also, weird analogy 😂

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] iArtemis@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I got a bike for the first time in 5 years catgirl-happy

I rode a bike for the first time in 5 years catgirl-flop (took half an hour to go somewhere 8 minutes away)

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Moss@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

What if I just didn't work another day in my life?

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I am interested in this philosophy and wish for you to tell me more.

[–] Moss@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I have not thought any more about this. I guess step one is to have rich parents

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago

Same here

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I think about this and the amount of time my savings would last me under various living conditions a lot

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] roux@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

Haven't checked in lately because I'm been working a lot, and relying way too much on drugs and alcohol lately. I won't get into the drugs part so probably don't need spoiler tags. I do need to cut back on alcohol though.

I get unsupervised visitation rights for my kids. But I suspect that is so my ex can go do whatever she now does in her free time. She's been lying to me about almost everything this whole divorce process and I'm probably gonna email her lawyer and add to the list of my "demands" that she stops lying. I'd rather hear a shitty truth than deal with her extremely bad attempts at lying, especially when it involves my kids.

The band project is stuck in schedule hell right now but once we figure that out, we have a guitarist, drummer and now possible other bassist. If this bassist joins on, I'm considering switching to main vocals full time and helping with writing music while I continue to relearn bass. Turns out it's actually kind of like riding a bike. I'm working on alternate picking since it's something I never really got down when I played last. For the band's sound, I wanted to go with older hardcore punk but now I'm thinking about doing closer to early 2000's hardcore(Hopesfall, Poison the Well, On Broken Wings, The Number Twelve Looks Like You, etc. But I still want the politically charged themes. I'm working on lyrics for a few songs that focus on my own mental health, communist revolution, trans rights, and landback. I'm also working on my fry screams and I think I got them fairly nailed down at this point. I even have my own twist on them for a bit of flair lol.

I think that's about it. I'm watching The Sopranos for the first time since I told my friend I'd give it a go. Also first time watching Boondocks. I'm enjoying both so far.

load more comments (9 replies)

[–] BountifulEggnog@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Guessing everyone remembers but autistic, for context

A full time management position is opening up at work and I am both qualified and my manager's top pick. I really want this promotion, both for my resume and obv better pay. Not that good but an improvement either way.

However I am very worried about the interview itself, it sounds like it might be done by some of upper management/hr and not my direct report which has me more nervous, I've made good impressions with them I believe but obviously I have to sell myself a lot more then my manager who already likes me enough to be her pick. I also haven't had such a position before so I'm nervous about what questions they might ask and how to respond. Also just being a manager, as someone who is ND. idk if anyone has any advice for me or anything like that I'd appreciate it, maybe I am just overthinking it. After figuring out that I am ND I just think about how that effects me and dynamics with NTs a lot.

[–] un_mask_me@hexbear.net 5 points 3 weeks ago

Hey, first off congrats on being up for the promotion that's awesome! If you trust the manager who likes you and you're comfortable with it I'd say ask them for some interview advice. You can frame it as not having had to interview on that level before, or just being out of practice, and ask them why they like you for the position so you can hit those same talking points during the higher-ups interview. If you have access to the actual job posting you can prepare talking points about yourself that refer back to exactly what they're looking for. I was always told to keep answers short and concise, and include real-world or recent examples of times you handled certain challenges, but only when asked. It never hurts to look up common interview questions for [position].

You got this! It's okay and natural to be nervous about this kind of thing. We believe in you, and good luck <3

[–] Nasalstrip@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Anyone have advice on how to deal with shame regarding not driving?

I have horrible adhd and pretty significant damage from covid (thanks for being super unsafe and giving it to me 3 times, dad), and the combination makes me extremely inattentive, insane brain fog, can’t pay attention to all the signs, multiple mirrors, other drivers, lights, etc. that come with driving and I’ve just decided I shouldn’t drive because I don’t want other people to be harmed or have to pay money I don’t have for any damages that may happen.

However at the same time I feel like there’s so much pressure and I won’t be fully free or adult without knowing how to drive. I’m 21 and super embarrassed even though I know it’s the logical and most wise course to take. I drive to and from work but I still have to get driven everywhere else by my mom or dad (usually my mom) and it’s kind of embarrassing, especially because people react so weird when I say I don’t drive as if driving isn’t a big deal and terrifying.

I have very solid plans to move to one of the biggest cities in the US (2 hours from me) and I know I will never have to drive again but I’m still feeling a bit inferior.

Sorry to ramble, I just tried to drive in semi busy conditions again and freaked out and had 2 rude drivers behind me throw me totally off. I just can’t keep up at all. My dad had to take over lol.

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

People can be really weird and judgmental to non-drivers. I remember one person on reddit calling me a loser because i don't drive. When I told them I literally can't drive because I'm partially sighted, they doubled down and insisted anyone who doesn't drive is a loser. Glad to know being disabled makes me a loser.

[–] un_mask_me@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

That person can go sit in syrup.

load more comments (6 replies)

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Obviously this is a “no duh” for many autistic people here, but one of the many things holding autistic people back is their first mentors are sometimes their first naysayers.

Many school faculty may have this belief even the best autistic student is still a waste to educate and their best case scenario is being tossed into a group home and maybe having a custodian volunteership for the rest of their lives. As a result, many autistic people literally have gaps in their skills they otherwise could have learned.

I was going on with this with my therapist yesterday. I am still plenty capable of a person, but still unemployed. One of the reason is this lack of skills I developed because of these early mentors passively assuming I’ll just be a minimum wage worker on benefits for the rest of my life.

And thus you see a lot of autistic people struggling when their suffering could have been avoided.

[–] un_mask_me@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago

Well said. It's something that isn't acknowledged by many as a whole that causes so many problems, and not just for people with ASD. The inherent ableism of our established systems causes some sort of mental or physical anguish to disabled comrades in every facet of our lives, from employment to healthcare and beyond.

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Hello fellow members of c/disabled. As mentioned in last weeks mega, the mods created a short "Information Post" about Ableist Language on the site and the consequences of using said language. Thank you to everyone who already offered up feedback and input in the last mega, we appreciate you taking the time to help make it better! We're looking forward to more input, should you have any, and will try to incorporate the feedback to the best of our ability. You can find the current state of the document under this link here. Make sure to delete the space between the two parts of the link before hitting enter: https://cryptpad.fr/doc/#/2/doc/edit/ XBOFfyoPSb0-l4vFySADdh+g/

load more comments (3 replies)

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

"If you investigate a patients aymptoms you may kill them!" "If you tell them a genetic test for a thing with an 0.000003% chance of happening is probably unnecessary without family history you could be killing their child"

You got to pick one. This feels distinctly like youre training me to do eugenics rather than treat patients

[–] Keld@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

One of the people who live close by has been playing the same music thing for a long time.

Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.
Dun dun dun da duuun.

Like it's not a whole song. It's not even a verse. It's two seconds looped over and over again.

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] mendiCAN@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

i love y'all, just sayin doggirl-kiss

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Everything has gone to shit, even more than usual. My achilles is effed up again, my landlady is taking all her frustrations out on me and making the house awkward and uncomfortable and the absolute icing on the cake - I got a letter from the DWP saying that due to a backlog they are more delayed with getting through claimants appeals and assessments and it looks like my finances won't be fixed soon and I'll be relying on help from mutual aid for longer. Which is pretty terrifying considering how not only I but many others who use mutual aid are finding responses dwindling and more difficult to come by. What is the point of living like this? I wish it was all over. I don't know just how bad my achilles actually is yet, it's inflamed, hot and painful but when it gets like this it tends to worsen for a while, so I don't yet know how debilitating it's going to be. I can't bear the thought of being trapped indoors for months again, it's absolutely devastating to mental health to be a prisoner unable to get out. Walking outside is one of the few things that makes life bearable. The only other thing I've got is music, I've always been a big fan of rock and metal and have taken refuge in it during problems, but when I fell into financial ruin I ended up having to sell most of my CDs (and got an absolute pittance for them, much less than they were worth). So now it's quietly listening with poor sound quality on youtube instead of putting headphones in and blasting it up. And god, the endless stress of finances. Why can't I just have a fatal heart attack or something?

load more comments (5 replies)

[–] gingerbrat@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

CW: heavy body dysphoria and associated rage/anger/hatred

The endometriosis diagnosis has been keeping me in a constant state of near-panic for the last two weeks. It brought so many painful and taxing memories back, made me realize a lot of things that I hate about myself might just be caused by the endo. It's... it's a lot to deal with, and I don't feel like educating myself is making me feel better in any way. I don't even feel like learning about this chronic disease makes handling it easier. On the contrary, somehow, because all drug-related treatment options I already got for other problems before the diagnosis and these drugs made me feel so much worse. I remember being not even a teenager when I got my first incredibly painful period and all I could think was "I hope I can remove this shitty organ as soon as possible". And now they tell me that removing the organ doesn't make anything better. I also really hated growing into my boobs, as they made me feel like I was losing myself and becoming someone I didn't like or wanted to be (they still do to this day whenever they start hurting during the cycle). I'm afab, and for usually half of my cycle, I actually enjoy being a woman, dressing up, makeup, acting foolishly girly, all the regular stuff, you know. The other half, I'd rather be anything but a woman, and it involves a lot of self-degradation. For a long time I thought I might just be an egg, but now I realize that it might just be a disease making me hate this part of myself. Maybe being a woman doesn't have to be that bad. However, with the shitty treatment options I have available, I really don't see how I could ever get in touch with a body that again feels like it has betrayed me. Chronic condition number three kind of makes me doubt this hunk that breathes and eats for me is really supporting me.

Anyway, this is a long and hateful rant, so please, if you're not feeling well yourselves, don't read it right now. I just wanted to vent. Love you all cuddle

load more comments (9 replies)

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 6 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Well my cold finally died down a bit and I just managed to get to see a dentist. After all the insane effort I went to to see one, firstly they didn't even bother checking the entitlement form that I'd gone to so much time and bother to get, and then they said there was nothing wrong with my teeth now anyway. I suppose that's good though. My migraines and bladder are flaring up though, maybe because I started taking my folate supplements again as the tingling in my legs is so bad.

I also seem to be getting taken for a ride on lemmy again. Someone on there contacted me to say he was going to send me a food gift card. Then, as has happened multiple times from other people before, I got a message every day for the next few days with some excuse about why he hadn't been able to do it. Why do people do this? I should know by now that if someone contacts me saying they're going to help, they won't come through. If someone is actually going to help they just do it. The people who send messages saying they intend to help at some future time, never do. I know this and yet I still let myself feel relieved and excited about the promised help, I still rush online every day to check if it's come through, only to be disappointed that there is nothing on my inbox but an excuse or just silence. I still don't understand why people do this, what do they gain from it? It's even worse when they leave a post in your mutual aid request thread implying that they have helped you, so other people who might have helped don't bother, and then they don't come through and you get nothing. It is such an endless phenomenon. Thanks god one person responded to my post for real this month, I reckon I can stretch it out for a couple more weeks, otherwise i don't know what I would do right now.

Oh and my landlady bullied me into helping her lift her xmas tree, despite the fact that my disabilities cause me to get severely injured when lifting things, we've argued about this before and I've just finished a course of shockwave therapy due to my last injuries. Anyway now my back and achilles tendon are hurt.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] TheSpectreOfGay@hexbear.net 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

i'm just going to give up and be a night owl from now on. it's so much easier to function at night because it's not as loud, and i seem to have a hyper-vigilance thing going on during the day where i can't relax at all

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] Dort_Owl@hexbear.net 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

God me please just stop overthinking, please stop having constant headaches and panic attacks. Please.

load more comments (2 replies)

[–] DisabledAceSocialist@hexbear.net 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

My weak achilles tendon is painful and inflamed again after being pressured into lifting that blasted xmas tree. I am so stressed about this I could cry. I can't stand the thought of going back to potentially being housebound for months. Why does everything have to be so shit all the time?

load more comments (2 replies)

load more comments