I don’t need naked women to pop a boner, I only need you bro.

Conversation

Bro 1: Did you get a boner? 🤠

Bro 2: Fuck yeah, dude! I was so hard 💪, I was about to cum in my pants 👖👈.

Bro 1: That's awesome! 🤜🤛

Translation

Bro 1: I am interested in your level of sexual arousal at the bar. Will you please share that information with me?

Bro 2: I am excited to tell you that I was so aroused that my penis was fully erect, I almost felt the immense pleasure of orgasm and soiled my clothes with ejaculate.

Bro 1: Your enthusiastic sexual arousal report makes me happy. Let's touch hands.

Afterward we can give each other brojobs. Don’t worry it’s not gay if you’re thinking about the strippers

I love going to a fancy restaurant and just smelling the food.

Years ago I went out drinking with a friend of mine and some other people that I knew less well. Me and my friend and one other guy ended up at my apartment smoking a joint, and I went off to bed but told those two they could hang out in my living room and watch TV until they sobered up. I woke up about an hour later and went out to the living room to see how they were doing. They had put one of my porn videos in the player and were watching it in separate chairs and masturbating.

I don't get some people, but they obviously both thought there was nothing wrong with this. They both said "what's up" without taking their eyes off the screen and I just went back to bed.

The last time I went to a strip club was 18 years ago. I would usually go with a group of my coworkers which was a few girls and a few guys. There were two entry options too. The $20 option or the $5 option. The $20 option got you a soda and free refills. And if you paid the $5 option, the bouncers insisted you kept buying sodas or they would throw you out. You could also smoke in the strip clubs then. The strippers weren't allowed to walk around with cigarettes but they could sit down at your table and smoke and talk with you for a little bit. A city ordinance was passed a few years later that made smoking indoors in city limits illegal. I also passed another law where strippers were not allowed to take off certain types of clothing. I don't remember what specifically but they pulled it back quite a bit. Anyway, that's my non-interesting story about strip clubs. If you want to know some more stories, I did see a traveling stripper show. They were twins and they had a routine. I also went to amateur night where anyone that came to the strip club could get up on stage and try to earn some tips and there was one girl that got up there and her mother was there with her and she kept on saying "doesn't she look great she just had a baby" A couple of the girls I came with got up on stage too. Also got lap dances on two separate occasions. One from Lexus and one from Becky. Not their real names of course. There was also the safari room which was basically just the bed and you would pay a stripper too dry hump you on the bed. I never did that though.

“That’s fucked up, bro. You’re making it sound gay.”

huh, back when I was young, and people would still, occasionally, pester me into going to strip joints with them, we mostly just binge drank, did drugs, and occasionally got some dancers to facilitate more private services.

The people who seemed like they were actually, really, paying attention to the dancers were, well, even more creepy than your average strip club attendee.

Fire boners

I had a friend in HS that would just bring out his collection of VHS porn and pop one in when we visited his house. I didn't visit much.

Yeah bro, lets take her home with us! Bro, I'll get the front and you get the back! Hey bro, let's both get the back! I got your back bro!

That's why I always go alone...