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I know the feeling. I spend every day alone, every night alone, and often can't sleep and just end up doing nothing at all feeling lame that I don't even have anyone to talk to. All my friends live far away in other cities and are far busier than me.
I have always struggled with loneliness and it has lead me into some unhealthy relationships just because I didn't want to be alone.
I don't know, these days it's worse with cancer and feeling like I've become worthless to the world.
I have a lot to say here! Permission to DM you in the morning? I posted when I should've been sleeping and now I'm about to lose consciousness lol.
You absolutely are not worthless btw and I'm really sorry you've been feeling that way. Just this message alone has an impact and made my night a little better. Thank you for engaging with my post :)
Yeah, go ahead and DM me in the morning, that would be nice.
Hi there! I'm home after 11 days in hospital following an accident and I'm actually enjoying a bit of solitude.
Hospital was full-on busy, day and night, new nurses and doctors every day, in different wards with a passing array of patients and their visitors, I can't tell you how many new people I met, it was crazy. Added to that were the constant queries from nurses about my bowel movements, being woken in the night to have my blood pressure checked, having my regular meds doled out like I was a child. I'm extremely grateful for the care, but I was champing at the bit to get away.
Here at home I have a big knee brace on 24/7 for at least another month, and have been assigned a carer to visit morning and evening to help me wash and dress. It's a great motivation to do as much as possible myself! A few friends have visited but I have long stretches of alone time, not able to leave the house. It's good at the moment, but I wonder how I'll feel in the next couple of weeks. I know the number of visitors will dwindle as I'm not able to join in activities and get sort of forgotten about.
Where do you work that you see fish?
an albino fish is pretty cool. i also find it cool that someone else found it cool enough to share their cool fish appreciation on the internet :)
i think i am going to try to start looking forward to more albino fish moments. i don't share a lot of stuff on the internet because I fear judgment too much. but Lemmy is exactly the place people want to see others' cool little things they found. so, i think I'll try to recognize and share such things more, or at least engage more with others' cool things they post.
Please do! I haven't been here long but I've noticed that the most popular stuff on lemmy tends to be political or inflammatory (which seems to be true for other social media platforms too). I'm sort of making it a mission to try and share positive and wholesome stuff, or just things I generally find to be "cool" or interesting 🙂
This week I traveled 10 hours to meet an internet friend lol. Was definitely overkill but I had some gifts that were gonna spoil if I didn't give them quickly. We ended up spending one night in a hotel, chatting, playing cards, and eating snacks. Good times. I was sick so I hope I didn't infect him.
Every bit of excitement, big or small, is valuable, cherish it.
It took me a year or two after moving way out of my hometown before I happened to make any new good friends, and I'm a fairly sociable person.
I'm heading on a vacation soon, really excited for that, and so I'll probably be on a Lemmy break for a few weeks.
That's lovely! Where are you going?
México, plus some time exploring the Andes by train.
I've been working on a new mechanic for my game, which hopefully lets me get back to creating content so I can release a vertical slice so I can start a Kickstarter before my money runs out.
Other than that, got my autism diagnosis and Amy trying to get my medical records that have gone missing so maybe I can get a medical cannabis prescription so I can sleep and do social things a bit easier.
My partner is displeased with me because my brain is so full I've not been a very good partner to her or father of late.
The diagnosis being off my plate and escalating my medical records issue to a higher power does make me feel like some of the weight is off, at least
Just trying to keep all the plates spinning, y'know?
I got too obsessed about the idea of maternal love I started googling a bunch of questions...
Childhood was so... nostalgic... I really wish I had a time machine so I could rewatch the moments I had happiness with my parents...
Or the rare moments when my older brother wasn't trying to best me to death... like we'd be playing board games...
jeez I can't think of those without recalling that one time I got so scared I had to run away...
so yeah, what I've been uo to was just reliving memories...
I'm in the process of writing my memoir about my immigration story from China.
It's like 1:20 am right now in Philly, I can't fucking sleep because depression is fucking up circadian rhythm...
I joke that I probably reverted to Beijing time lmao.
I'm alone most of the time, I've only had what I'd call "acquaintances" never "friends" like we never really hang out outside of school...
I'm distant from cousins because they didn't want to talk to me when I first came to the US and didn't speak English.
So yea.. the closest bond I ever had was with my abusive family members...
I know they say blood shouldn't matter, but it's having spent so much time together, there's a weird connection despite abuse.
Like I've been with my family of origin for over 20 years and counting (I think people say it's "normal" in Asian families to live together)...
I'm still struggling to be independent.
In holidays, people say they are just alone by themselves.
Well I'm not alone-alone, but it's still awkward... I don't feel so close to them anymore... too much trauma...
I remember when I was a kid, I used to cuddle with mom, A LOT
now I'm (1) too old and (2) emotional trauma makes it awkward...
So yea...
Feel free to talk about childhood stories...
Therapy helps a lot! I’ve been struggling for almost 30 years with depression, was having really stupid thoughts, but I’m feeling much better now, can feel joy & sometimes I’m even relaxed and don’t feel such a big weight. It’s a long journey with lots of ups and downs but I just want you to know that whoever you are, you matter and you deserve to live a happy and fulfilled life! I couldn’t possibly imagine, but my therapist has changed my life for the better, wishing the same for you
peehole spreading the wisdom xD
idk who to even trust...
What I really need is EMDR because so much trauma, and apparantly there none near Philly... 🤷♂️
Fuck
I tried different techniques and the weirdest was definitely behavioral therapy because it hasn’t really done much for me in terms of understanding the root of my problem, but I feel like it does the job as in help the brain to get out of the spiraling and at least make sure I can get out of bed.
I also have ADHD so weed (but in really small doses and only before sleeping) has done a lot for me, but for some it makes depressions and spiraling worse so idk. My therapist understandably isn’t a huge fan of me doing drugs.
Hope you can find something that helps at least a bit until you get the therapy you actually need!
I am just about to get up and go to work, this week has been weirdly full of accidents on the E18, on monday there were an incident with a lorry my buss had to pass by, yesterday my buss got half filled with acrid smoke and we had to evacuate, also yesterday there were three lorries stopped on the side of the road as I headed home.
That sounds like a pain, I'm sorry. A lorry is like a rickshaw?
Stay safe out there today!
A lorry is the British word for a truck, specifically those large ones that haul freight.
Message me if you wanna talk books!
lately i have been working on building a Raspberry Pi cluster, but i have been stuck trying to 3D print that doesn’t come out correctly, so i have Apr the last week working on calibration and printing a bunch of useless crap!
you have any hobbies?
I recently bought a new winter jacket that I'm so excited about! My old one has been getting pretty threadbare, and the pockets open up instead of sideways which has been bothering me a lot lately. It's so annoying when I put my hands in my pockets for long periods of time and circulation starts cutting off because of how my wrists are angled coming out of the pockets.
Feel free to talk to me about your fish, I can tell you about my dogs!