disabled

I'm such a gullible fool. I shouldn't trust myself to trust people.

Rolled my ankle at work last Monday and have been cooped up in my apartment basically ever since. I've gotten a bit of food help from friends and I'm grateful. I did make the mistake of ordering the bare minimum for a grocery delivery which cost me $20 just for $50 worth of food. I think next time I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and get a few weeks worth and hope for the best.

I'm off of my foot for 4-6 weeks for recovery but I gotta go back to work on Wednesday(light duty). I was hoping for an extra week but I can't go much longer without a pay check. It sucks.

I did put a post up on the mutual aid comm and also on a Lefty discord group for help with rent but nothing came from it. I think I'll be fine but it's gonna be close.

For now I'm just taking it one day at a time. Lately my foot has been hurting bad and really stiff in the morning so I'm starting to wonder if I have nerve damage. I first started noticing random shots of pain at the base of my foot but now I almost have to do this painful foot wake up routine in the morning. After, it's not as bad but it's still painful. I really hope it's not lasting damage if there is any.

They didn't give me any kind of pain meds so I'm been relying on weed, some kratom that some friends gave me, and probably too much beer. I need to try to cut back again.

My spirits have been overall decent during this shit at least. I'm actually surprised I haven't cried over it at all.

On a weirdly better note, I got kicked out of my metal project. They said they just wanted to focus on a 3-piece with just instruments for now but I suspect it was a decision mostly by the bassist. My vocals don't match what they wanna do and they aren't going the direction that I was hoping for so in the end, it's ok. But I was also starting to work on a punk project anyway and during all this, I found a bassist, guitarist, and I think I found a drummer that is interested. The guitarist is an anarchist-coded friend I met last year and we've talked a lot about starting something. Plus his garage is equipped for sound and recording so it's a plus. The bassist comes from a folk background but they've even said they have been practicing some punk stuff and it's easy. Guitarist is an Oi punk oldhead, and the drummer plays some ska stuff and other punk adjacent stuff. This might be a blessing in disguise because I wanted to contribute to our local punk scene but a bit later down the road.

Sorry for the wall of text. I haven't been as active on HB lately because I'm also organizing in my community again, in limited capacity though. But it's nice to get back to lefty education again.

Anyway love you all!

The bloody NHS yet again. I am so sick of it. Last year I was told they'd send me an appointment with the neurologist. Yesterday i received an accusatory letter telling me I'd missed my appointment and they wouldn't send me another one. But I never even received any letter telling me I had an appointment in the first place. I am so tired of this absolute shambles. Trying to keep on top of this nonsense is a full time job.

SPEAKING OF FOOD, a fellow student of mine has informed me that they subsist of ramen, but it's okay because every breakfast they put a can of tuna in it.

On top of cancer, this education is gonna give people scurvy

I have put tabbouleh and seitan on wheat bread. I am serving wheat on wheat on wheat to myself.

I love it when my brain randomly decides its going to forget what social skills are.

I had the period pain from hell today. it was like being a teenager all over again. This is the first time in years I've had a period pain, I thought I was over all that. It was so awful I had no choice but to take painkillers, even though I've developed an allergy to them. I took an anti histamine with them so it wasn't so bad. I had to spend most of the day in bed. I hope this isn't going to be a regular occurrence.

I've been making more music and i really have y'all to thank for regaining the confidence to get back at it. I also started HRT today so lots goin on over here lmao

I'm on a half dose of my anti-psychotic right now, and I gotta say it's not as bad as it usually is. To be fair, I recently got a dose increase so my half dose is higher than what it usually is. My sleep has been okay, just feeling a bit overwhelmed by life right now.

My knee is slowly getting better, it's still pretty hard to stand or walk for extended periods of time, but at least I'm not struggling to walk anymore.

tourette's discourse

Eating my lunch. I am eating homemade mochi with peanut butter and a vegan hazelnut cream because I'm a poor fat weeb who got rice flour from the food bank.

my outreach person said that my appeal form was really well written yippee

With the recent incident of Tourettes being in people’s circles of talking, while IDK if the guy who did say the N-word apologized, but let’s say he did and has no actual hate.

It’s kind of disgusting how everyone is spreading around what would be a very embarrassing moment for someone as a smug gotcha “he said the funny word. Suck it, moralists!” like he doesn’t want to hide behind Tourettes, a tic put him in an embarrassing situation.

You’re literally acting like a south park joke.

My foot infections are getting much worse. I picked off a scab that has been on my foot for a while (because I wanted to check what was going on underneath), expecting it to bleed but instead a load of yellow infection came out. I contacted the podiatrist to explain the situation and ask if i could just get the op anyway due to the severity (also it's getting painful to wear shoes) but I'm still waiting to hear back.

I appreciate you all and I'm glad you're here

I just saw my campus on the news....

For conditions being so bad in the labs they're being linked to cancer.

I wish I could show you, when you're lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being. You are loved, you matter, and we're grateful you're here with us.

Had to wait the weekend to get a refill on my anti-psychotic medication. I got stomach aches, almost vomited, and headaches. Luckily, I got the refill yesterday and felt better the morning after.

I've never posted here before, so I'm hoping I'm not breaking any rules or acting in poor etiquette. I'm epileptic and some months back I was hospitalized with severe seizures, ever since then my memory has been utterly shit. It's embarrassing, forgetting basic things at work and around the house. More importantly, I don't feel totally present in my life now. My sense of time, from months to days, is screwed up. Seriously, sitting here, I can't tell you just what month I was hospitalized. A couple months ago or more than half a year ago? I've never had such bad seizures. I feel like it is so taxing on my wife who already has so much to deal with.

I'm not really sure why I'm typing this except that I guess I could use the support or some perspective. I feel such guilt and helplessness lately. My wife, family, and friends deserve better than me being so screwy and needy. But I know if the roles were reversed I'd do anything for them. I just hate feeling so helpless and stupid.