this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2026
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[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 112 points 4 days ago (4 children)

I'm the one who did the dishes, cleaning, groceries, kids, after I cleaned she would make a mess then yell at me for being a slob and not keeping the house clean, also I worked full-time. When the dishwasher broke she blamed me because I'm the only one who loaded/unloaded it. when I fixed it with proof it wasn't my fault, it was still my fault.

abusive relationships really mess with your senses of reality.

That's painful to read. Hope you are able to untangle yourself from that mess.

[–] toast@retrolemmy.com 10 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 11 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Did you manage to get out?

[–] toast@retrolemmy.com 7 points 3 days ago

I did - almost 10 years ago. Still think about it all the time

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 8 points 3 days ago

Not the person you replied to, but I did. She's been trying to get me back ever since, despite living with her new boyfriend. He's as abusive as she is but she needs him for his car so I keep telling her she's met her perfect match and I'm not coming between them lol

[–] Tangent5280@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Yo are you still in aforementioned relationship hell?

no, she still is a nightmare because kids and custody battles, but I'm not in a much healthy poly thing.

[–] Stegget@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Dude are you me? Similar situation, my ex was/is a raging narcissist who would absolutely trash the house. Kitchen was a disaster because she was an aspiring cake decorator who never bothered to clean up after herself and would fill entire 8 foot folding tables with her crap for weeks on end. Never lifted a finger with the rest of the house, actively trashed everything and her strategy was to wait for me to reach a breaking point where I had to rage clean for my own sanity, then she'd do it all over again. She was and is a shit parent and a deadbeat. There's sooo much more and it all ended poorly... For her, at least. I'm out of that situation now, but it took me a long time to admit I was in an abusive relationship.

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

However little resources are for women escaping abusive relationship, there are even less for men. there should be more resources. When I called the police when I was being hit, all they told me is that if I were to touch her they would take me away. but me getting mauled is OK for them.

[–] Stegget@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My saving grace was that the last time she hit me, it was on camera. Video evidence goes a long way toward forcing the hand of the police.

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[–] FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org 23 points 3 days ago (3 children)
[–] ohshit604@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Be @FuyuhikoDate@feddit.org.

Finds a comic strip that i don’t like.

This must be before my time, I must make my opinion known to all.

Proceeds to publicly talk down on the comic for being ”old and out of touch”.

Realizes Arc Raiders released in 2025.

Shit.

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 9 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Alternatively, is too young to be married.

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[–] AndyMFK@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 3 days ago (3 children)

My trick is to do the chores first, then with any leftover time I can do whatever I want guilt free.

[–] Aqarius@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago (2 children)

leftover time

Get a load of the optimist over here

[–] usernamefactory@lemmy.ca 5 points 3 days ago

I know, when are chores ever done? If I didn’t allot free time for myself I’d never have any.

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[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 days ago

Yeah, I got a similar trick. I just never get tired, bored, or distracted. You should try that!

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[–] underscores@lemmy.zip 28 points 4 days ago (6 children)

I think one of the issues couples have with cleaning is that everyone has different schedules and approaches

I never clean during weekdays, sorry but work fucks me up and when I come home I want all relaxation

When the weekend starts after my Saturday morning I'll go on a quick cleaning binge, and then Sunday night I do another clean binge and repeat

[–] telllos@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I think, there are some things that can't "wait", dishes, always after meal. I never want to arrive in my kitchen and it's full of dirty dishes.

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[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 4 days ago

The issue is people assume their way is the only right way and when someone does it differently they interpret it as lazy or malicious, rather than responding with humility and trying to find out how their partner thinks.

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[–] siskourso@odin.lanofthedead.xyz 22 points 4 days ago (2 children)

But you still have to somewhat wash them before they go in the dishwasher.

[–] Zwiebel@feddit.org 18 points 4 days ago (2 children)
[–] YetAnotherNerd@sopuli.xyz 18 points 4 days ago (2 children)

The easy fix TL;DW (though you should, Alex is great) is to, right before starting the dishwasher, run the hot water until the tap is as hot as it gets. Drastically improved outcomes.

[–] mushroommunk@lemmy.today 15 points 4 days ago

I took away from his video it's to put detergent in both spots because there's two rinses. The running to get hot is just cherry on top to help more

[–] LurkingLuddite@piefed.social 6 points 4 days ago

Also clean the filter in the bottom. Do not forget proper maintenance or you'll just be cursing him for not listening to advice he does give.

[–] siskourso@odin.lanofthedead.xyz 8 points 4 days ago (9 children)

I switched off of pods a few years ago to just dishwashing liquid soap and it has been better.

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[–] PlantJam@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Only sometimes. Just put everything in as is and hand wash what doesn't come out clean. This applies more to newer washers rather than the old ones that just redistribute the filth.

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[–] ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 5 points 3 days ago (1 children)

We both work from home. We have neither excuses nor anyone to blame.

We're just the third panel twice in a standoff with the dishes.

[–] DigitalAudio@sopuli.xyz 3 points 2 days ago

We just have the rule that whoever cooks doesn't wash. I hate cooking because I hate getting my hands sticky, my wife hates washing the dishes because she always forgets the corners and we end up rewashing anyway.

It's perfect harmony. Whenever she doesn't want to cook, I cook, and she then procrastinates washing as long as she wants because it is her responsibility and we both know it.

We basically never fight, but cooking and washing has never been a point of tension in this household lol.

[–] WanderingThoughts@europe.pub 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

My wife goes into complete reading trance when she gets her hands on a new novel. Nothing will get done until that book is finished. Any response will be delayed until the next chapter.

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[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 4 points 3 days ago

Being a stay at home dad was fucking awesome!

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago

Ack no, not in my house. I cook, husband does the dishes usually. I clean the dishwasher filter, maintain the machine and tell him not to clean the dishes before they go in. He doesn't usually wash my cast iron because he was messing it up (which is not easy to do but he managed it) but all the regular dishes and most of the pots & pans are his world because he wants me to cook.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 12 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] emb@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago (3 children)

There's an old Mitch Hedberg joke that goes something like "This shirt is dry clean only, which means... it's dirty"

I think the same applies exactly for dishes that aren't dishwasher safe. I have a dishwasher but my sink still has a pile of dishes waiting.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 13 points 4 days ago

" I like to buy things to make my life easier. I also like to buy other things that don't work with the first things to make my life harder again."

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[–] Harvey656@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago

Uh, I do the dishes and the gaming and the laundry and vacuum and...

But she's hot and makes more money, so its all good.

[–] venusaur@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

I’m gonna assume that the oopsies person has a job and is just on their day or hours off.

[–] Retail4068@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago (15 children)

I do 75% of the house work. Fuck this dated noise. 

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