this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] alexquiniou@lemmy.zip 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

... And that's ok, because i'm focused on my diarea and not trying to impress a random girl.

Know your priorities.

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Priorities...

Giving yourself a pep talk in the car before even heading into the store, taking a few deep breaths, and clenching with everything you have while trying to look like you're walking casually.

Been there...

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

Bruh…it’s ok to ask your friend for a favor sometimes…

[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 102 points 2 days ago (2 children)

She's impressed by your maximum-strength bowels.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 41 points 2 days ago

As she should be.

[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I remember seeing a stunningly beautiful woman at the grocery store, and I looked in my cart and saw lactose-free milk, lactose-free probiotic yogurt, and ultra-soothing toilet paper. I’m sure she was impressed.

[–] FrChazzz@lemmus.org 21 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Once went to a pharmacy because apparently one of my kids had pinworms. Which means we all had to take the medicine. Anyway, my wife and I figure that we should all take it the next day (can't remember the precise reasons, but it had to do with the fact that you have to take a second dose like two weeks later). This determination is made at night, so I have to drive up to the store to pick it up. I have four kids, so we needed to get two boxes of the stuff.

I don't think much about it until I approach the register area and I swear that management decided to schedule the best looking people to work that particular night shift. Everyone was hot. And here I am, like 10 o'clock at night, holding two boxes of butt worm medicine, suggesting that there's so pressing a need for this product that I had to get it right away...

[–] Tja@programming.dev 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's a shame. If you were there to buy aspirin probably all of them would have had sex with you.

[–] mattyroses@lemmy.today 3 points 1 day ago

Bottle of Bayer, box of condoms, bottle of Old Harpers, and . . . your number.

[–] jnod4@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 day ago

💀💀💀💀

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 65 points 2 days ago (1 children)

“The faster you shit the more you can eat”

Then wink.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I mean... that's just science. Spittin fax!

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

That’s not all you’re spittin

Diarrhea runs in the family.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 1 day ago

She's also there to get diarrhea.

[–] DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works 42 points 2 days ago

It's not like I had a chance anyway.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

“…and some prescription XS condomns please”

[–] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 day ago

Melania is that you?

[–] Lexam@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

She's just there to do her job.

[–] Obnomus@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 day ago
[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

As if it never happens to her?

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Well that's why you also buy a pack of monster condoms for your magnum dong.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

Just like good ol' Mantis Tobaggan, MD.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

if you think you can get maxx strength diarrhea medication OTC you are sorely mistaken

[–] NauticalNoodle@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I learned from my doctor about 2mos back that Loperamide(immodium) is fairly strong stuff. I had to get a Rx for something similar that could be taken multiple times a day where as immodium can only be taken like twice a week unless things are severe.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

i'm sorry, it's a 2mg pill. with respect, i know people who were on approximately the equivalent of at least 100x that dose. daily. i find it difficult to think of it as "the strong stuff".

[–] perspectiveshifting@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

damn, your friends are big poopin

[–] mattyroses@lemmy.today 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I love it when you call me big poopa

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

Throw your hands in the air, if you're a true shitter!

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] moonshadow@slrpnk.net 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Pouring one out for the incontinent homies

thanky. they're gone but not forgotten.

[–] irelephant@kbin.earth 14 points 2 days ago

community name checks out

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (3 children)

I went to the dermatologist to have my grundle checked out once and of course they had some hot young college student in there shadowing. Wtf lol

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

I went in to get checked for hemorrhoids when I was like 22 (spoiler alert, I did not have them). There were two college students shadowing the doctor. I was asked if I was ok with them being there. My answer was a firm "No, doctor, I would prefer that these two women my age do not see my butthole today, thank you very much"

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

You're doing a good thing by saying yes whenever they ask if you are okay having a student or fellow observe. Especially for those awkward visits, like a rash on your genitals or a colonoscopy. Those are our future doctors!

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 day ago

I had a nasty infection on my foot when I was younger, like full on pus-volcano type thing, it looked and smelled terrible. The city I lived in back then was one of the biggest teaching hospitals in the country, when they asked if students could come watch I said sure, of course! Next thing I know there was like a dozen of them in my room, taking turn prodding the pus-volcano with a stick, cleaning it out (extreme pain), and just overall commenting on it and leaning over it super close. I'm glad I helped their education but damn was it awkward especially since I was about the same age as them at the time if not a bit younger if I recall.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My friend had that at the proctologist

[–] mattyroses@lemmy.today 1 points 1 day ago

Sounds like a shitty situation

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 11 points 2 days ago

Just tell her it's for your boyfriend.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 8 points 2 days ago

Put out the vibe anyway. Baller as fuck.

Now this is a shit post

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Inevitably? So you're there for that reason really often?

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

3x per day for the past 17 years. (I have chronic IBS)

[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I have had Crohn's for 22 years. I am now on medication that has it controlled, it's wild. But I feel like I don't have the bowel strength for formed poops anymore! It's pretty exhausting going once a day. It's a whole event. Like a sloth.

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[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

She’s into scat so you’re in luck.

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Damn, Satan!

"Scat-ba-da-ba-bap diddly-bop-bah-bah!"

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