this post was submitted on 25 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 102 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

In another life, I think this kid would be in a disused storage room holding a $30 microphone, staring into his Galaxy A56's camera, and reading a low-quality, half-generated YouTube video essay script about why Call of Duty peaked with Black Ops.

[–] Nuerion@lemmy.world 19 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Cards on the table: he looked like a low-rent Replay Mode – who makes fine-enough, seemingly hand-scripted video essays with mildly clickbaity/superlative titles about CoD multiplayer. They're junk food for your brain, but they're harmless.

[–] Ariselas@piefed.ca 11 points 5 days ago

Another life? so like last week

[–] 58008@lemmy.world 51 points 5 days ago

At least he has the balls to show his face. Not that I think he has anything to be proud of in taking that job, but most of his colleagues are a bunch of weak frightened little cunts who cosplay as a Star Wars villain every day.

He looks like Mr. Mackey from South Park when he joined ICE, if his head were normal size.

[–] answersplease77@lemmy.world 68 points 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

he is taking all his middleschool bullying out on society

[–] DontRedditMyLemmy@lemmy.world 40 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Ironically, his bully also became an ICE agent

A reboot of the 21 jump street reboot? A re-reboot?

[–] rustyfish@piefed.world 7 points 5 days ago

Should have been bullied harder if you ask me…

[–] SirMaple__@lemmy.ca 24 points 5 days ago
[–] Earthman_Jim@lemmy.zip 21 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They reaaaaally don't look so tough without their masks on.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 2 points 4 days ago

I think these lot of part of a separate intake. They are struggling to meet their quotas so they have to take anyone that turns up. They have basically lowered the entry requirements at this point to "can, with guidance, handle simultaneous walking and spitting".

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 24 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"He tried to kill me!"

"Every locker has air vents, you were fine."

[–] IratePirate@feddit.org 13 points 5 days ago

"But you blocked them all!"

"Of course! Don't want your skinny little ass to escape through those."

[–] Azrael@reddthat.com 19 points 5 days ago

If he was bullied in school, that's probably why he joined ICE. Makes him feel powerful.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 31 points 6 days ago
[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago

The “Master” race everyone

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 26 points 6 days ago

He looks like he would accidentally shoot himself in the ass first.

[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 22 points 6 days ago (1 children)

First job out of high school?

[–] TransNeko@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

wait... He graduated from Highschool? he looks like a middle schooler who just hit puberty.

[–] UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 11 points 5 days ago

This is probably why he became an ICE goon, to fuck with people.

[–] h4x0r@lemmy.dbzer0.com 20 points 6 days ago

shitler utes

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The other ICE agents make this one do their paper work.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 5 days ago

It's in everyone's interest really. They were absolutely eating through the crayon budget

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 15 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The free unlimited frisks are 100% why he signed up.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 11 points 5 days ago

And I'm sure the selection process will be entirely random and will absolutely not be exclusively limited to 20-year-old women.

[–] homes@piefed.world 16 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Opening scene of an extremely filthy gay porn

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 days ago

Kid should be studying for his grade 10 exams.

[–] Gammelfisch@lemmy.world 6 points 5 days ago

That's what the KKK looks like.

[–] unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 12 points 6 days ago

Don't discount the fucker, he's equipped with shit he doesn't know what about and could create a bigger mess. How many of these idiots do they deploy just to spread the oleo?

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 7 points 5 days ago
[–] Digit@lemmy.wtf 5 points 5 days ago

The chemical lobotomy is apparent.

Solution space is upstream.

[–] dzsimbo@sopuli.xyz 5 points 5 days ago

Great, now I have Weezer playing my head :/

I could pick him up by one leg and swing him around like a ragdoll.

[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 3 points 6 days ago

He has a cute dog at least

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 1 points 5 days ago
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