this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
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Autism

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Is this you? (piefed.cdn.blahaj.zone)
submitted 5 days ago by LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone to c/autism@lemmy.world
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[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

People talk about the eye contact thing, but name usage is way harder for me. I can just look at someone’s eyebrows, but I can’t pull off pet names for people I don’t know very well.

I feel like I’m either in trouble or the person talking to me wants to sell me something or seduce me when someone calls me by my name, so I don’t want other people to feel like that. It also always feels forced if I just say their name when they say mine, like I didn’t think of it on my own.

It’s getting tough because I just started teaching and I can tell that everything would be easier if I indicated students by name instead of by eye contact, but I can’t manage to get names out fast enough for them to be helpful.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 2 points 5 days ago (3 children)

I rarely use people's names.

[–] Doug@piefed.social 1 points 14 hours ago

If there’s less than a 100% chance that I’m certain what their name is in the second there was an opportunity to use it, I don’t use it; then I immediately beat myself up internally for not using it.

[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I actively avoid it XD

[–] toynbee@piefed.social 1 points 8 hours ago

I've been married for almost a decade and still sometimes have to put thought into it before I address my wife by name.

I once referred to my oldest friend - whom I've known since I was eight - as "what's-his-name." The woman who is now the aforementioned wife responded "you mean your oldest and dearest friend?"

Pretty much the only person whose name I can remember without trying is my kid, whose name I had a part in choosing.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 0 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I use them all the time on purpose. People like to hear their own names. It quickly recognizes them as an associate of yours and makes them feel special.

[–] saimen@feddit.org 1 points 4 days ago

That's why I don't like it. I feel being manipulated if someone says my name all the time.

[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 1 points 4 days ago

I find it's best to just avoid people wherever possible

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Kinda why I thought I might be a sociopath. I don't ask things like that because I genuinely do not care.

[–] Swaus01@piefed.social 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I care, but i'm only going to ask someone how they are if they're visivly upset, or visibky happy/excited, or otherwise they will share with me first.

[–] toynbee@piefed.social 1 points 9 hours ago

Your treatment of the word "visibly" amuses me.

[–] shaoiken@feddit.org -1 points 5 days ago

In my experience most neurotypicals don't as well and it's just some kind of ritual. Most of the time I just try to copy what the other person is doing to not be awkward and get on with it.

[–] SnapdragonBeehive@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

I sometimes forget and then randomly ask how a person is doing to not seem like an asshole. I usually don't care for small talk, but want to make sure people know that I care.

[–] JATtho@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

I'm quite sociable but also very quiet. I'm thinking being polite of not disturbing or interrupting people. However, at some point I start to wonder why nobody is talking to me. Well, duh, I should ask or talk to people, but this never crosses my mind or just flys past me.

[–] pomegranatefern@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The solid three minutes after someone asks me how I'm doing before I remember to ask it back, just about every time 😬

[–] subverted_per@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That's me. I do genuinely care, and want to have a conversation, but somewhere i missed that bit of programming and have to go back after the fact.

[–] pomegranatefern@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 days ago

Exact same for me.

[–] ZMoney@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

These social customs are derived from genuine interactions with friends. I'm curious how you deal with talking to people you care about? When I ask my friends how they are doing I'm actually curious about their lives, and I expect them to also be curious about mine. This type of reciprocation is necessary for a friendship in my opinion.

[–] schmorpel@slrpnk.net 1 points 5 days ago

These days I'm old and wise. I'll remember asking about the other person right after the conversation ended, not a week after.

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 days ago (2 children)

People aren't waiting for the answer so I doubt they even notice that you didn't ask

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

When I ask someone I do generally listen to the reply because I care about the person and want to know how they feel. Most people I ask do ask me back so I try to have an answer ready and it is noticeable when it doesn't happen, but I don't mind.

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Unless you're in Europe

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"Salut, ça va?"

[–] Hubi@feddit.org 1 points 4 days ago

Fair enough

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

TIL I am autism

[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 days ago

Can confirm, was skeptical and clicked there bio. They talked about amazing digital circus.

[–] texture@lemmy.world -1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

not autistic, but yeah thats me

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de -1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I'm starting to think these quirky relatable characteristics don't in fact constitute autism 🤔

[–] texture@lemmy.world -1 points 4 days ago

LOLL ... well said.

[–] BorgDrone@feddit.nl 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Same. It’s hard to remember because I assume people ask me because they care about the answer instead of it just being a social ritual. For the same reason I don’t ask it back because I genuinely don’t care.

[–] howrar@lemmy.ca 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Somehow it's the exact opposite for me. I assume people are just asking for the social ritual while I actually care about the answer, but it somehow feels selfish in my mind to expect them to give a genuine answer when I hate doing that myself. So I don't ask. Because obviously, that's how you get people to not dislike you, right? By not making them do things they don't want to do.

[–] ByteJunk@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

You don't have to reply back with the person's name, unless it's unclear who you're addressing, which should be abundantly clear in an interaction like:

"Hey Devin!" "Hey, what's up."

Adding the "what's up" is important though, or something to the same effect ("how are you", ...), because it helps support the conversation and keep it flowing.

Just mirroring the "Hey" can feel terse and unwelcoming, like you're not interested in talking because you're not providing the other person a "conversational path" they can follow up on.

As the conversation continues, usually both parts will be providing "paths" that the other can choose to take, according to their interests.

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 1 points 5 days ago

Adding the “what’s up” is important though, or something to the same effect (“how are you”, …), because it helps support the conversation and keep it flowing.

Just mirroring the “Hey” can feel terse and unwelcoming, like you’re not interested in talking because you’re not providing the other person a “conversational path” they can follow up on.

That sounds like a pretty interesting cultural difference. Around here it would be pretty normal to just reply with a "hey" back, as it's clear the other person has something to say because they've sought contact with you in the first place, so it's on them to keep the conversation flowing. We also often don't say names when we interact with each other, so instead it could go something like:
"Hey!"
"Oh hey"
"So, what's up?"