I kiss my parrot because it is a cultural ritual we have built together. I make smoochy noises at him and he mimics them back to me because he wants to communicate. I kiss his little beak and he supposes this is a thing I must like doing so he starts doing it back. It makes me smile and make happy noises, which he recognizes. Now we have a fun thing we do that means we’re buddies. He trains me to offer up my nose for him to smooch if he makes a specific little whispery sound. His only reward is the opportunity to boop me on the nose with his beak but he evidently finds this incredibly amusing and will occasionally whisper at me relentlessly until I give in. He will let me smooch the back of his head at nighttime because it means he gets to stay up later. His feathers are soft and he smells nice so I like it too.
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I'm stealing that
grab as you please, it's from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=291ET6Py6H8
Hope I'm not ruining the vibe, but it's a little disconcerting watching him do this positive performance of a happy song while wearing Leon "The Professional" shades...
One reason is that I doubt whether animals really understand this
You would be objectively wrong on that. It's been shown that affection to animals fires off the same parts of the brain in them as it does in humans, and delivers the same chemicals.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6826447/
Just because animals can't communicate like you or me (though I firmly believe pets have a language that you can understand if you own one long enough), it doesn't mean they don't have the same feelings of bonding and closeness. Biologically we're all very similar, so the Oxytocin that we get from being loved is identical to the oxytocin that THEY get when being loved.
Thank you for the link. Does the paper reveal anything about kissing specifically? Haven't had the time to read it yet.
I know that humans and other animals can feel affection for each other and that physical contact, e.g., by stroking, induces a sensation of 'affective touch' facilitated by C-tactile fibers. So while kissing itself might induce similar effects by similar pressure force and temperature, I wonder whether it really makes a difference to 'poking' your pet with your finger in a similar way. In other words: if the physical sensation is similar, does another animal understand a kiss versus another form of affective touch?
Other than making some sort of vegan statement, what I find really weird is when people start talking to you in the grocery line.
Like, how are you happy to be there? I just want to get in, get my stuff, and get out. Socializing is super awkward at the best of times, so inviting it in that setting just feels weird to me. I have a buddy who always strikes up conversation with strangers, it's awkward shopping with him.
I find really weird is when people start talking to you
This. Why the fuck are you (random stranger in line/mall/gas pump/whatever) making small talk with me? What do you want? Oh I get it you're one of those people for whom constant meaningless chatter is soothing. It turns your brain off.
It is the opposite to me. Please. Shut up.
I understand that is not relaxing for you, but maybe to you understand a bit better: this kind of micro relationship is the basis for establishing the empathy needed for helping strangers in need.
Maybe no one needs anything anymore, but rewind to a less reliable world, and after a friendly chat on the road, then you see their wagon broken down on the road, you’re more likely to take a risk to help them out — you’ve established a base line of communication and empathy.
I don’t think they find it soothing, i think they’ve practiced it enough is not taxing, and they’re just keeping alive an old habit — even if true they’re not fully aware why.
By practice I got to the point small talk with strangers does not feel strange. And by doing this I noticed that I help strangers way more often.
Last time I noticed a man carrying his heavy kiting equipment. He was really struggling. I had some time so I helped hin carrying to the other end of the city.
Old me would never do that. I noticed I am also way better wigh kids. They like me and I am the best uncle.
Originally my personality is being a introverted geek whose enegry is drained by the people. But I wanted to change that. It worked wonderfully. It shows how much in a control of your life you can be.
Here's something that will probably mark me as weird: I find it strange, even creepy, when people talk, sing, hum, or make any noises to themselves. Some people tell me it helps their concentration, but I can't even envision making any kind of sound when I concentrate.
LOL. I do all of those things.
Me, too, and I find it offputting when someone else does it. 😄
So many things:
- Shoes inside, but especially on carpet
- On the other end of the spectrum, walking barefoot, but especially outside (I recognize I'm likely the weird one with separate indoor and outdoor slippers)
- Seemingly insult their closest friends and family in specific and personal ways
- Feel comfortable drinking more than a drink or two in public (and/or other intoxicating drugs like cannabis)
That's all that comes to mind at the moment, but I know I've felt that way about many other behaviors. I'll try to remember to add any others that come to mind in an edit below.
I have foot problems that make it painful to walk barefoot for more than about 5 minutes. Less on hard surfaces. More on soft ones. So I have flip flops I use inside and regular shoes for outside. So a different reason, but I do get what you're saying.
Oof I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your footwear at least helps alleviate your pain.
It does. Thank you for the sentiment. So much hate on the net. You're a credit to humanity for putting out some positive vibes.
I'm glad to hear that. You are very kind, and I feel like you and your positive vibes are also a credit to humanity. Thank you for these pleasant conversations!
I have tried the "no shoes inside" thing and can't stand the constant feeling of dirt particles on my bare feet even while I'm walking on the floor behind a swiffer, broom, or mop. I'd rather keep my shoes on and just assume the floor is not 100% clean even when someone has just cleaned it.
But I have a logistics question: I know you have a place for shoes by the front door, but what do you do about the back door? Or in my case the three sliding-glass doors onto balconies that I use daily? Is one supposed to keep going to the front door to get shoes and carrying them through the house? My balconies overhang the street and get a lot of road grime, plus my plants drop leaves etc., so shoes are very necessary out there. And many people have back yards. I'm curious about what you do.
I 100% agree about the feeling of bare feet, which is why I have dedicated indoor slippers that I immediately put on when I take off my shoes.
As for the back door and outside in general, I also have a separate pair of outdoor slippers at every entryway. They are the Crocs on the clock work slip-on specifically.
Huh. 8 can't wear crocs, they mess up my plantar fascia. The shoes I wear 98%of the time are a version of these sparkly Skechers, with great arch support: https://theflipflopzone.com/products/119631-vinyasa-happy-spring
Oof I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm also glad to hear that you've found something that is both fashionable and comfortable for you. Do you think it would be possible to have an additional pair of those sparkly Sketchers for each entry of your domicile so that you could live the "no shoes inside" life?
I've tried it but I could't keep track of which was which, especially when I go out one door, across the big balcony (10 meters) and in the other door, to a different room, which would have another "outdoor" pair but no "indoor" pair sitting there. I would have to put down the watering can, go back around the other way, and back around through the apartment.
I also noticed no difference in floor dirt when I was trying to be strict about it. So it seemed like a lot of attention paid for no payoff, and I stopped.
Oh yeah that does sound annoying. I always reenter from the same place I left and haven't run into that issue, but I've also never had a 10 meter balcony with multiple entry points.
The first thing that comes to mind in that situation would be to get oversized outdoor slippers that could fit the indoor slippers inside. That way you always have the indoor slippers, but you would still need to manage moving the outdoor slippers back to the other door.
I mentioned this in another comment but I'll somewhat repeat it here. For me personally, it's not really about cleanliness, but instead it's about the feeling. Something about wearing shoes inside feels wrong to me, especially on carpet. Even the thought makes me cringe.
I understand the gut-level aspect, even though for me it's the yucky feeling of bare feet on wood or tile floors. No carpet or rugs in our place, it's easier for the wheelchair. Which by the way can't change its wheels when coming in. I tried outdoor shoes but they were disgusting in a week. I'm trying out a habit of stepping barefoot into the room, (from the balcony) picking up my shoes and clapping them outside before putting them back on, rubbing each already-dusty-feeling foot on my leg as I do. We shall see. I'm terrible at consistency.
Seemingly insult their closest friends and family in specific and personal ways
I'll be honest - this is a terrible habit that i'm unlearning myself, and i wouldn't have ever done it if not for friends and family who normalised it to me.
I totally agree with all the things you listed.
If I insult you in a friendly manner, you are a good friend of mine. I would never insult someone like that that I didn't like.
Example: I play disc golf. Par is usually three. I was playing with my friends and a new guy. I wasn't having a very good day and told the new guy, "In case you haven't noticed, four is my favorite number." And my buddy said, "And six is his second favorite number." I thought that was hilarious because he is a friend. If he didn't like me, it could have come across as passive aggressive. It is this context to which I'm referring.
That said, I do have another friend who almost only insults and it does get old.
I think what I struggle with the most is determining what counts as an insult in a friendly manner compared to a non-friendly insult. I personally find it easier for everyone if I avoid any potential insult (except for the very rare scenario where I intend to insult someone I suppose).
My knowledge of disc golf is very limited, so I apologize for not understanding why your favorite number ranking is relevant to the game or how it could be considered funny or insulting based on your relationship with the person you're speaking with.
Oh, I guess I could have been clearer. Just like normal golf, you try to put the disc in the basket in par or less throws, so three. I was throwing four times a lot that day, so not so good. I insulted myself by acting like I simply liked the number four because that's how bad I was throwing. My friend was suggesting that if I wasn't throwing four times to get it in, I was busy throwing six times.
The best jokes are the ones you have to explain.
No worries, I appreciate the clarification very much!
I didn't realize that par in disc golf was consistently three. I've only played normal golf where par can vary drastically from hole to hole. Thanks to your clarification, I now understand your self deprecating joke. I'm still not entirely clear why your friend's comment was friendly and not legitimately insulting, but that's almost certainly on me and my autistic brain.
FYI, it's definitely not always 3, but it is generally 3. The most I've personally seen is par 5.
Ah, I see. That makes sense. Thank you again for the additional clarification!