Hand 1, or if you're feeling particularly spicy, Hand 2.
this post was submitted on 01 Jun 2026
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Spit or dry? These are the deliberations of our lives.
Level up, keep a bottle of lube on hand.
I just use pork lard. Finger licking good.
tenga has a number of good ones, proper vibrating ones will run yoy 150-200$+, fairly cheap "spinners" (<100$) which work well enough though
don't beat the real thing but much better than manual
I went to the local sex shop (the employee was surprised, but totally willing to help after she was sure I wasn't gonna be creepy) and only found one that would fit, since it was open-ended. The others were like 4 inches max, which doesn't allow for the satisfying thrust at the end. All the ones with any fancy features were in the hundreds of dollars, but were still limited in size. I ended up going with a $25 one that was basically a tube of textured silicone, open at the end for easier cleanup.
In short, go to a sex shop and look around :)
Maybe that's what I'll have to do in the end. Luckily we have a nice one where I visited with the wife before.
(woman talking)
I dated a guy who had an adjustable flashlight and he really liked it (and it was fun to use on him as a nice side effect).
Guy here - I'm not a fan. Lube dries out in them REALLY fast, IMO, and you can't use silicone lube safely. If they made one that constantly added small amounts of lube, they'd be great.
Sounds interesting. What do you mean by adjustable?
What does she mean by flashlight?
There was a dial on the end that let you control how hard it gripped, there was a particular setting and pace he definitely preferred.
adjustable flashlight
hmmm...autocorrect strikes again.
You should try a shampoo bottle.
the big ones with handles from Costco.
At a medium pace.
Uj/ get an open ended one otherwise youre gonna nut and clean one out once and realize it's not worth the hassle
Look up Tenga, specifically the "flip" series. They have other toys that are full sized and on the cheaper side, but they likely won't last as long.
Full sized fleshlight with texture. It doesn't have electronics bit the full size are deep and easy to clean.
But can you take bong rips from it?
Anything from https://www.funfactory.com/
They don't seem to have anything where you can actually put your whole dick inside?
Just get the thang that electrocutes your wang.
Car battery it is then
Best orgasm of my life.
That's actually a good question. I'm curious about the responses. Didn't know these things existed and just searching for them popped up an immense null
My issue would be the cleaning. Not sure if there's fucktoy with a solution.
It's funny how talk about vibrators gets both humor and acceptance as normal for women, but discussing a male counterpart is both embarrassing and made fun of, even though it is a critical health issue as men get older, and especially if there is less to no sex going on.
Top rack of the dish washer, obviously
Spread the cum on all the dishes. Genius.
It's the opposite of a non-stick coating
There are some that can be opened along the long side of the tube, so they are really easy to clean.
I've heard that those things can cause people to become dependent on them to climax. Not everyone, I'm sure, but I wouldn't risk it. I've been a hands-on man all my life (except for a couple experiments with assistive devices when I was a teenager).
Btw, congrats! You probably won't have energy enough to masturbate for a while.
This style masturbator is by far the best I have used. Easy to hold even when slippery, easy to clean, and very inexpensive. There is a nicer, four-finger version that I own, but this one from Amazon is probably similar.
Seconded for tenga, you can get them for like $20 on Amazon.
As already recommended, your top requirement should be that it is long and open ended. I also suggest that you pick something with a good amount of internal texture and uses extra soft medical grade silicone.
For best results I recommend x-lube. Dunk your masturbator and bottle of lube in hot water for a few minutes before you start.
If money is no option, Bad Dragon sells top quality open ended masturbators with all sorts of different internal textures.
My brother in Christ, you have described a shop-vac.
That's a girthy shop vac. He might need a 2 meter hose extension.