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I have to get some blood work done. When I was told to get the blood work done, I was told to go to Quest Diagnostics. I told the person I was working with that I do not want to go to Quest, I have access to a great walk in lab in my primary care office. The person I was talking to said they sometimes do not get the information from that lab back reliably because its "outside our system". I said, that I'd just rather not do that. They pressed the issue somewhat. Ok, I said, I'll just give Quest a shot. That was, my first mistake.

Yesterday I go to Quest, first time I've been to a Quest lab, no idea what to expect. The KIOSK scans my ID, and my Insurance card, no human in sight except for the wall of people waiting in the tiny lobby. The Kiosk asks me why I'm there... which I figured it should know, they sent the order to Quest after all. I pick whatever option looks correct, because none of them look correct. Then it tells me "Sorry, we have no more availability today"... Cool, that could have been the first message, but no. I have to fast to get this blood work done. They kiosk tells me I can schedule a time, you can come back at 2:00PM tomorrow it says. I'm not fasting all day tomorrow until 2:00PM, no thanks.

I leave. I get on the phone with the provider's office I'm working with. It's one of these, public 🤝 private partnerships my state insurance has. Person answers. I tell them I want to have my orders sent to the lab I like, that I was just at Quest, it was not a good experience (you have to say things like this I've learned), and that I have great experiences at the lab I like. The person was nice, she changed my preferred location, she emailed me a copy of the order, she said she sent the order over, that it was all set. She said I didn't have to go to Quest, in a tone that implied "who told you that?". I told her, my provider effectively pressured me into going to Quest. She said, well, you don't have to. Just remember to send us a message once you see your results in your local providers health app so we can check if we've received it. Cool, I said, and moved on with my morning.

I went to the lab I like this morning. I sign in, it's a clip board. They open at 7:30, no one else is waiting, that's usually the case. I get pulled in right away. I sit down, they ask for my details, then after looking me up to inform me that I don't have any orders on file. Ok... They probably faxed them I said. She checks her stack of faxes, she then tells me, it's not there. OK... cool... Well I have the order right here! It's on my phone actually, do you need to look at it? You can just, have my phone. Nope. I need a piece of paper, she replies. OK... good... well, I see you have a printer there, can I just... email you the PDF I have? Then you can print it, then we can get this done? No, I don't give my email out like that, sorry. Ok... great... hey, does that Printer have a USB port on it? Do you care if I plug my phone into that printer? Yeah, knock yourself out. So I do. Nothing. Just a lot of wishful thinking.

Ok then, I'll be back, and if not I'll be back another day. I walk out the door, to the front desk. They ask if I have an appointment. I tell them my situation. They get my info. They look me up. Sorry, you don't have any orders on file. Yes, I am aware of that. I was just in the lab (which is about 50ft across the room), they said they didn't receive a fax. Is there possibly some other fax machine that might have received this order? Well, I just checked all the faxes, I didn't see any orders. Ok... I said. They replied, Your provider isn't in this building, you know that right? Yes... I said. One second, let me call them. So they call. Minutes pass. Yeah they didn't get anything, they say eventually. Ok, well I have the order right here on my phone. I hold up my phone. I see you have some printers here, at least three of them, is there a way I could send this to your email and you could print it for me? No. I'm not allowed to do that, she replies. Right, I see. Ok well, the order, which I have here on my phone, says the fax number it sent it to is XXX-XXX-XXXX, is that this buildings fax number? One second she says then turns to the room. Hey, is this our buildings fax number? Where does this fax go? Huh, oh... I think that one goes to MY desk, someone else answers. Two workers leave, to go check the fax. Minutes pass. Yeah sorry, we don't have anything, I'm eventually told. Got it. Cool. So, there is no way that we can find a way to use those printers, to print the order, which I have here? No... I don't think so. Right... let me call them.

So I call them. I guess, however, It's too early. I get the "over night" line. It's about 8:00AM at this point. Someone picks up. I tell them who I am, what my situation is, that I would like my orders faxed over to my location. Ok, they said, just one moment. Hi, what's your name?
Oh, its Red Wizard,
Ok... Red Wizard, I'm with you, I'm communicating with you (this is real btw) can you spell that for me?
Uh sure, it's R E D W I Z A R D.
Great, thank you, one second... I'm with you... OK What is your phone number?
Yup its XXX-XXX-XXXX,
thank you... I'm communicating with you, I'm with you, ok, so What is your Email address?
Oh, it's redwizard@hexbear.net,
thank y.. did you say... sorry redwizardhexbearnet?
No, redwizard @ hexbear DOT net,
right of course, redwizard@hexbearnet,
No, DOT net.
Oh, redwizard@hexbear.net ok, I'm with you, one second, I'm communicating with you............... ok what is the name of your provider?
Right... its HEALTH PLACE,
right, can you.. spell that for me?
Sorry, what, you need.. Ok.. uh, its H E A L T
yes please spell it for me.
OK. IT's H E A L T H P L A C E, it's at ADDRESS in STATE.
Thank you... I'm with you, I'm communicating OK so, thank you for calling the overnight service for PROVIDER if this is a medical emergency please hang up and dial 911, my name is REDACTED what exactly are you calling about today?
Uh.. yeah, like I said, I have orders that I need faxed to my current location. I'm here at the lab, someone was supposed to fax those yesterday, that obviously didn't happen, and I just need them faxed again, so I can get this done.
Oh so this is about... about labs ok. What kind of labs?
They're just annual blood work labs.
Ok... right ok. Well, I've sent a message off, and they should see it soon.
Sorry?
I sent a message off, and someone should see it soon is there anything else I can help you with?
So you can't just, fax the labs over?
No sorry, I do not have access to that information. I've sent a message. Is there anything else?
Nope.

The orders, are on my phone. I'm standing in the middle of an office, where, from which I stand I can literally see at least 4 printers and 1 multifunction copier. I walk out of the building. I get into my car. I shut the door. I scream as loud as I possibly can. I drive home.

You know. I had this passing thought yesterday that I should have just printed the orders out, but I never did. I have access to a printer here in my office. I called the provider again after I got to work, a nice person on the line told me they would fax them over, again. I'm going to call the place soon and see if they got the orders. My guess is they probably haven't.