748
Maybe an upgrade? (startrek.website)
submitted 11 months ago by The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website to c/funny@sh.itjust.works
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[-] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 28 points 11 months ago

Years ago I was friends with a bunch of Red Bull girls. Their job was to pick up a bunch of cases of Red Bull in their Red Bull-themed mini cooper every morning and drive around all day handing it out for free at events and public parks etc. while being incredibly good-looking. They did this for about a week and then instead they would just dump the cases in the river and go home and get high all day. Then Red Bull started giving them a GPS-enabled PDA to track them and they came to me (programmer type) to see if I could fake the GPS data, which turned out to be really easy to do (the Red Bull app just wrote coordinates into a plain text file every 10 minutes). The ethics of doing this were questionable, but I do feel like I saved a bunch of people from ever trying that godawful death concoction - and as I mentioned, they were all incredibly good-looking.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 9 points 11 months ago

Yeah, it's just sugary garbage. But man, imagine that being your whole job!

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

Sorry if this is the most interesting part of the story for me, but why the river?

I’m guessing based on their work ethic, they were not opening individual cans and pouring them in.

Though they could have recycled the cans and made an extra couple of bucks.

Or just sold them to begin with.

But why not just dump them all in a dumpster?

[-] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

why the river

All I can say is that this was Louisiana, where people generally find it easier and preferable to dump trash in the wild.

[-] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 27 points 11 months ago

Always remember: caffeine is not an energy boost, but an energy loan that you pay back with interest 😉

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 21 points 11 months ago

So what you're saying is to pay off that loan with another loan.

[-] GrammatonCleric@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

That only works with amphetamines lol

[-] guy@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Yeah, but I'm happy with that. Let's me take back control of when I'm tired. I tried quitting caffeine for months and I don't like it; I was tired when I wanted to be awake and wide awake when I needed to sleep. The predictable crash at the end of the day is pretty useful when timed right.

[-] ryannathans@aussie.zone 4 points 11 months ago

I like to say borrowing from tomorrow

[-] Generic_Handel@kbin.social 16 points 11 months ago

I used to think Red Bull was beyond amazing but then I realized I just had a B12 deficiency.

[-] Naz@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 months ago

Same case here with Monster Ultra Whites. I just take a liquid B12 complex suppliment now (sublingual dropper).

[-] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I always hated it until I accidentally left a can of it in my car in 100°F weather and had nothing else to drink one day. It's actually not bad as a hot drink.

[-] Tigbitties@kbin.social 11 points 11 months ago

This is why I don't get people that drink coffee when they're hungover. I'd rather just sleep it off or feel like shit and sucking it up. Feeling like shit AND being wired is way worse than that.

[-] django@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 11 months ago

My experience exactly. Caffeine turns "I am tired and can't concentrate" into "I am awake and can't concentrate" for me.

[-] RIP_Cheems@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

WHY DO I FEEL WORSE? WHY DO I SUDDENLY HAVE THE URGE TO VUOLENTLY SHAKE? AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH

[-] simple@lemm.ee 10 points 11 months ago

I swear the only effect energy drinks have on me is making me want to piss. Not sure why people (outside of pro athletes) love this stuff.

[-] schmidtster@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago

People with neurological disorders typically have the opposite effect from stimulants.

[-] sanpedropeddler@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

This is a normal effect for caffeine. It is a diuretic. Also, my understanding of the different effects you're talking about is that it is only true for people with adhd. Its because people with adhd lack the proper amount of stimulation normally, so providing the right amount of stimulation through a drug will treat the problem without inducing effects associated with overstimulation. They can still experience the same effects that neurotypical people experience when taking stimulants, but they would probably need to take more.

Again, this is just my understanding of it based off of my personal experience as someone with adhd as well as what my therapist has told me. I don't know if its completely accurate or not.

[-] Katzastrophe@feddit.de 7 points 11 months ago

Haven't drunk anything with a lot of caffeine in years, so last time i tried an energy drink my heartrate jumped into the heavens and i couldn't stop sweating

[-] ManosTheHandsOfFate@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

I can't imagine pro athletes wanting to trash their money making bodies with this crap.

[-] DaCookeyMonsta@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

What pro athlete is drinking red bull?

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 11 months ago

so yeah you might want to check out if you have other adhd symptoms because stimulants doing jackshit is a pretty good sign you have it

[-] CookieJarObserver@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago

I mean it tastes nice

[-] Anamana@feddit.de 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

When I drink one I just get super apathic and anxious

[-] someguy7734206@sh.itjust.works 3 points 11 months ago

I rarely drink coffee, and when I do, I hate the feeling I get. It makes me feel jittery and nervous and unable to concentrate on anything.

[-] awwwyissss@lemm.ee 1 points 11 months ago

Now a red bull ad, nice. How much do they pay you?

[-] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

No one else has mentioned that brands seem to be dripping into lemmy. Honestly, never seeing stealth ads, except for kagi which I’ve resigned to, is my biggest draw for Lemmy.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 9 points 11 months ago

For what it's worth, I'm 100% just sharing memes like I do everyday, and this paranoid dude you're replying to should be ignored. Before this, he has accused me of working for the Oreo company, McDonald's, and a couple of others that I can't remember. It's nuts.

[-] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

You don’t strike me as being an influencer, but seeing brand jokes in a mostly brand-free space is a bit striking. Given your post rate, it would surprising for some not to have a brand. I wasn’t specifically pointing this at you.

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Thanks, and yeah that's exactly it. I post a ton, and occasionally someone makes a meme that involves a product or something, but this one didn't strike me as an ad. I figured you could sub in any energy drink, because the joke is that you still feel terrible and they're not worth it. Energy drinks are trash.

I also post about Star Trek a lot, which is an IP I love, and I'm not on their payroll either. Lol

[-] PsychedSy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

Have you decided which reddit power user you want us to call you the "x of lemmy" yet?

[-] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 3 points 11 months ago

Lol, I don't remember any reddit power users, so take your pick!

I was very much a lurker on reddit and only started posting so much here to try to support Lemmy's growth. I'd love to see it be a real competitor to corporate-owned social media.

[-] PsychedSy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

No. I wouldn't do that to anyone. None of them are 'clean' so.

[-] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works -3 points 11 months ago

Ads are the exact opposite of funny..

[-] Rampsquatch@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 months ago

This doesn't exactly paint Red Bull in a positive light, are you sure it's an ad?

[-] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 1 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Even if it's not that strong on the positive message, as long as people will show this to others I'm sure some will interpret the message as "This drink won't make your feelings go away but it'll add feeling fast."

I just don't like seeing brands. I guess one could always bend any piece of media containing a product or brand to be an ad. It just didn't sit right with me that there is an increase in memes containing brands on Lemmy as these communities are still developing and I feel like they are somewhat vulnerable to ad riddled memes.

this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2023
748 points (97.3% liked)

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