An attractive girl talking to me for more than a few sentences is automatically sending mixed messages. Obviously they don't like me, why are they talking to me? I'm confused.
this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2026
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And even if they out rightly say they like me they are probably just being nice and I should laugh and carry on with my day.
I told a guy the other day at work that I liked his shirt and he totally lit up lol
You probably made his year
*His life
Never forget that old lady calling me handsome in the supermarket
I have recieved more compliments girlmoding in the last 4 months than I ever did boymoding in the almost 20 years between highschool and beginning transition.
To the random woman with dark red hair who said my hair looked good on me in 2008, I still remember the feeling.
I couldn't even tell you why the last person complimented me though. It doesn't feel the same since I get them more often.
Username doesn't check out
Lucky you getting all the compliments!
Me, 35 years ago, walking through a mall. Two girls cat-called me (whistle) from the second floor railing.
I still think about that sometimes.
I think this could be a better meme if it was "Getting into X pants" or something along those lines.
Girl at work that I have a crush on smiled at me today and said hi. That will sustain me for the rest of the year.
I've chosen to adopt random acts of male positivity. I make a point of stopping random male presenting strangers (I'm cis het male, randomly stopping women to complement them is not a realistic option) and just saying something like "hey dude, that hair is magnificent, keep being awesome man" and promptly leaving.
It's not completely altruistic, I must admit. Watching a stranger's face go from puzzled/suspicious through relieved, pleasantly surprised and ending in (usually) happy is an absolute joy.
I make a point of stopping random male presenting strangers (I'm cis het male, randomly stopping women to complement them is not a realistic option)
I'm settled down now, but not too long ago I had a lot of great results that started with approaching women on the street. There's definitely a specific way to do it, because I've seen a lot of wannabe pickup artists completely disrespecting women, and that's not it.
Women are people too. If you can talk to a random man, you can talk to a random woman. You literally start off exactly the same and only start escalating if they seem like they're enjoying the interaction.
This particular style is kinda confrontational, generally starting with a firm "Excuse me, sir" or "Hey Chief"
Also I'm an obese middle aged balding white guy. Once i get a little older and my beard gets whiter I'll have a little more leeway. I'm aware of the inherent power differential that exists with some people because of my appearance alone. I don't obsess over it, I'm just cognizant of it. My goal is to make people, especially people that may not always get a positive reaction from their outward appearance, feel a little better about themselves. But also just everyone, really. I want to be positive
That being said, I was in a Home Depot the other day and passed a woman that had a sweet piece of art worked into her undercut. She had her braids pulled to the opposite side of her head to show it off. As I approached her on my way somewhere else we made eye contact. I took the opportunity to smile big with my eyes and a little with my mouth, tap the side of my head, and say "That's freakin awesome. Love it!" The response was immediate, genuine, and super positive. In two seconds I was past her, moving on with my life. It was a good moment. A life made of these is a good life.
So yeah, if the situation is right, I'm an equal opportunity complementer. I'm also happily married, so it's not like it's a ploy. But I have a skin condition that prevents me from wearing a ring most of the time, and, again, I'm aware of the dynamics of my appearance. Anyway, you're right women are people too, just people that have a 1 in 4 chance of having been abused/assaulted in a way I never have been, by "people" the same gender as me. So I'm cautious of making them uncomfortable while just trying to live their lives
You couldn't know that from my comment tho, it's all good. Love you and hope you have a great day π
Yeah but if you stop to talk to a random woman there's a non zero chance that you end up in jail and accused of sexual assault
Please provide an example of an average guy trying to strike up a respectful conversation with a random girl and going to jail for it. Literally any example. Just one.
And this is kind of the point I was trying to make. The pendulum has swung so far the other direction that the messaging makes many men think they are not allowed to talk to women at all. This just adds to the divisions.
I certainly agree with you there. I think this is a big part of why young men are increasingly moving to right wing spaces. If you look at right wing messaging towards young men, a lot of it centers around their romantic lives. Why? Because that is their pain point. And the right gives them an achievable, believable path to get what they want: get jacked, get rich, be a leader, talk to a lot of women but ignore negative responses. Then add in some casual misogyny to stroke their bruised egos.
The left's advice for men's romantic woes, on the other hand, couldnt be less appealing. Don't do X. Don't do Y. This is easy, what's wrong with you? If you don't have a satisfying romantic life, you must be a misogynistic piece of shit. If women aren't interested in you, then just accept it.
The effect is that the left tends to only attract the most depressed, self hating, and socially anxious men, while the remainder either check out politically or move to the right.
Edit: Oops, I thought you were replying to my comment π€¦ββοΈ
Still, go touch grass, women aren't aliens out to get you.
If you're a troll, well played
No.
It's not 2014, the world is now the Handmaiden tale.
if someone says "hi" to me i will not be impressed.
meanwhile, it someone grabs a skateboard, does a kickflip then does a backflip and lands on the skateboard, then i'll be impressed.
the top part has big milady-fedora energy
The top is just a relationship. I expect my wife to do all that for me too. And my kids. And my parents. And my friends.
Except for "honor". My understanding of honor is that it's not something you do to a person. It's how you act yourself. But I was raised by Klingons.
Absolutely. There is a nonzero overlap between FOSS/decentralized software nerds and white knights/nice guys.
Thankfully it's not too much here, as Lemmy has done a good job at not tolerating intolerance, so the incel white knights leave, but some of the more innocent ones stick around.
Agree weird ahh post most man have way high standerts too
I am still confused on "honor her."
Damn, hard to think that just over a decade ago, we had groups of incels who were at least convinced politeness was a viable coercion tactic. Now they think giving women any chance to feel good about themselves is losing ground.
The bar is usually a little lower:
- Show respect
- Be polite
- Don't assault her
- Be good looking
Don't even need the good looking tbh
Me fuck ugly:
Yup. Personally > looks most of the time.
Also, and this is the cheat code to all relationships, regardless of gender:, be interested in them. Ask them questions about themselves and their interests instead of just trying to impress them with how great you are. Even, maybe especially, if you think you know something about what theyβre taking about, play slightly dumb and ask questions.
This lines up with what the ever-quotable Talleyrand once said:
"If you wish to be popular in society consent to be taught many things you already know."
It didn't prevent him to be called "shit in a silk stocking" by NapolΓ©on on one occasion, though.
I tend to do that with people I like as friends.
Who I really don't want to rizz up π
The line between friends and partners is basically nothing, donβt overthink it
I'd love if some single friends were more open to using me though.
I would not say no.
for some of us the bar is a little higher than that
-
be a woman
-
be chill
The gay lobby strikes again with its propaganda. Don't fall for it, kings.
How to impress a girl: do something impressive.
How to get compliments as a guy: do something that is compliment-worthy.
How to get called hot as a guy: be hot
It's not complicated. It's a shit ton of work, but it's not complicated.
Climbing a mountain is hard but not complicated.
Do something impressive is vague, subjective, and shifting goal.
Anyway, looking for validation is the wrong approach.
Other humans aren't exactly fit to judge...
Focus on being who you'd like to date instead!
That's why I got a dump truck back there /j
As someone who actually climbs mountains, I can tell you that it can actually be quite complicated depending on the mountain, lol.
But anyway - climbing a mountain is impressive, if I do say so myself!
On the whole, I agree and disagree. I think that in general you should focus on doing things that would impress you. Like, I like climbing mountains, and so I set climbing goals for myself that I find impressive. And then girls with similar values to myself - adventurous, athletic, pragmatic, open minded women - are attracted to me because I am doing things they also find impressive. On the other hand, women who, say, really like going to the club and working corporate office jobs and starting families in white picket fence homes tend to be less impressed. But this works out for me because I will enjoy my time with the former far more than the latter, while someone with different values from me may enjoy the latter more than the former.
So I'm a big fan of being the best version of you that you can be.
But on the other hand, I think we should be quite frank about the fact that there are some things that guys can do that are generally attractive. Trying to improve these things, especially in a place like Lemmy, is often construed as misguided or shallow or fake - but I think this is mostly because Lemmy is a crab bucket for lonely men, and even if you improve at these things solely for the purpose of getting more bjs, your life will be better for it in the long run
Maybe sometimes, you are your best company.
Humans are...unreliable. They fail you when you need them most.
But you are also human, which means you might also fail yourself. Best to be on the safe side and build a resiliant social support system as well as a resiliant self
How to impress a nonbinary?
Give them a sword (trust me)
Say "Hello World"
Teach them binary (coding). Just kidding. Ummm... Just be nice?
Have you tried playing the guitar badly?