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[-] MrPoopyButthole@lemm.ee 131 points 1 year ago

In a long dumb story I once went to jail over a speeding ticket that was a day late.

The two cops couldn't believe they had to arrest me for it and the jail was so backed up I was there for four days.

I was still a teenager and terrified, but I put on a face and told every joke I'd ever heard to get by. My last morning there My bunkmate found me so entertaining he offered me a free prostitute, which I had to very politely decline.

[-] 1847953620@lemmy.world 29 points 1 year ago

i mean, did you at least look at the photo?

[-] doppelgangmember@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I remember when I got admitted at 20. Two Latino dudes and white, teenage me in the cell.

One dude had my mat for my bed. He saw that I walked in, looked at me, then got up without a word and put the mat on the bunk for me. I thanked him, introduced ourselves, and talked. Nicest person the whole time there. The jail staff were assholes on a powertrip. This dude ended giving me his "mom's" number bc I do programming and stuff, which I ended misplacing. He said he was in for them finding a large amount of $ in a... foreign.. car. I still wonder to this day how life would be different had I called that number.

Hope he is doing well.

[-] Decoy321@lemmy.world 117 points 1 year ago

... Just say thank you? You don't need to follow through with their offer to acknowledge their appreciation.

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 118 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Nah, it's just that she had so many names pop into her head and wasn't expecting such a rare and selfless offer. It's crazy what happens when you treat nurses with respect and kindness like anyone else.

[-] FrigidAphelion@lemm.ee 29 points 1 year ago
[-] KnowledgeableNip@leminal.space 15 points 1 year ago

"Actually I'm gonna just write down people to not kill, everyone else is fair game."

[-] rynzcycle@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This occasional offering should be better publicized, then maybe people would be nicer.

Otherwise:
"You know what, there's this Karen down in ward 7..."

[-] Maeve@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

My dude! 🤣

[-] Maeve@kbin.social 0 points 1 year ago
[-] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 67 points 1 year ago

For some reason I imagined MS13 having a super courteous hotline with corporate help desk people for their hitmen.

[-] kautau@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Lol just ICA style Diana Burnwood answers the phone. You’re like “my upstairs neighbor is pretty loud I guess, idk, never done this before.” That night, he disappears off the face of the planet.

“Contract complete 47, good work”

Meanwhile the police are casually questioning you about if you’ve seen him recently.

[-] otter@lemmy.ca 49 points 1 year ago

you need someone taken care of

*Dude starts nursing school

[-] bartlebee@infosec.pub 9 points 1 year ago

It would really help me out if you could take care of the elderly. All of them. I know you can do this because you're a soldier.

[-] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 year ago

like unironically though, i feel like at least some gangsters could be set on an at least slightly better path if the nurse that saved their life asked that they make fewer people die rather than more

[-] mateomaui@reddthat.com 37 points 1 year ago

Got it, don’t fuck with doctors and medics. Understood.

[-] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 year ago

The only group of people that you don't fuck with even more is dentists

[-] mateomaui@reddthat.com 10 points 1 year ago

True, they don’t need hitman services.

[-] Patches@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

The only group of people that you don't fuck with even more is the 9 out of 10 dentists group

FTFY

We don't talk about that 1 in 10 anymore. Anyone know why?

[-] jmcs@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 year ago

I don't know what's more terrifying: a dentist's bottom drawer or a surgeon's bottom drawer.

[-] Tankiedesantski@hexbear.net 36 points 1 year ago

u need someone taken care of, you call me, no charge.

Tfw MS13 shows up at your hated enemy's house with a big pot of soup, aspirin, tissues, blankets, and feel good DVDs.

[-] BaldManGoomba@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago

You tell them that you need them to take care of themselves. You can handle the emotional baggage that their thug life is going to get them so hurt you won't be able to save them one day.

[-] favrion@lemmy.ml 32 points 1 year ago

"Well, now that you mention it..."

[-] Chev@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

Helped a guy once on the bus who went through a terrible time. Turned out he was a gang member and offerd me something similar. I said thank you and asked him to return the favor in a similar way I did with him to an other stranger.

[-] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

This is a big plot mechanic in a great French movie called Ne Le Dis A Personne

[-] Hupf@feddit.de 9 points 1 year ago
[-] Frogmanfromlake@hexbear.net 0 points 1 year ago

He should have added an asterisk mentioning that it only applies to unarmed men, women, and old people.

[-] Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works -1 points 1 year ago

Just goes to show they're not human anymore.

[-] spankinspinach@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

I dunno if I agree. It shows that their normal is absurdly skewed, but his offering also shows that he understands gratitude and reciprocity - even if it's a wildly fucked up reciprocity haha

this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2023
875 points (99.4% liked)

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