Yes and no.
I dont know your wife or her family so pinch of salt and all. But it sounds like cigarettes are a safety blanket back before marriage, mortgages, dad was alive, kids... they dont judge, they help with stress and they give you an excuse to give yourself a 5 minute break now and then.
You arent wrong to be upset but empathy and understanding will go further than bitching and guilt. Addicts are the worlds best excuse makers and the "Oh FUCK HIM" impulse is real.
Ha!
As a middle aged man you think its great for us? You think all the hot, sane, independent women in their 30s and 40s are strugging for options? If you're on there theres a 80% chance that you're no catch either.
Last time my dude showed me a bunch of profiles it was easily 50% "applications to be a stepdad" and 25% women with a checklist (6 foot tall, good living, own house, etc.) Like 6 foot tall athletic lawyers who own their own home are having trouble meeting women.