this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2026
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Ya girl is getting the hell out of [red state] and moving to [city in blue state] this week! Will edit mega with more later perhaps.
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closeted
Being closeted is tearing me apart. I thought I might be nonbinary when I was 19. I didn't think much about it for a while, then as I hit my 20s and decided I want to conciously be myself instead of just be convenient for others, I realised I really wanted to be nonbinary. I started looking more into alternative fashion and doing my hair differently. But I'm still not out, and this past year its been eating at me. I have a loving group of friends who already accepted one of my friends when he came out as trans, and supportive parents and family. But the idea of coming out still scares me so much.I don't live in a city where other trans and queer people are visible. I live in rural Ireland, where the most alternative thing you'll ever see is a tattoo, and diverging from conventions is extremely looked down on. I don't like my body, I'm slightly overweight and constantly jealous of skinnier and more attractive people. Coming out at work is going to be fully impossible. I work in a kitchen with pretty intense and competitive people, and there's a lot of toxic masculinity going around.
But I feel like its becoming a danger to my health, the longer I'm closeted. I feel that coming out is something I need to do to save myself, but the act itself is so terrifying. Its not so much that I'm afraid of being rejected, but telling people I'm not who they thought I am terrifies me. I really, really don't want to tell people my pronouns are they/them and police them on that.
i don't mean to seem like i'm being transmed but, if you feel like you're going to want to get hrt and/or laser, start right now. today, even. people won't notice that your facial hair is getting thinner over the course of 6-12 months and cis people will jump through all kinds of mental hoops to excuse the reason why a "man" would be starting to grow tits. but you will feel it when not starting laser or hrt sooner is holding you back (i started hrt in 2019 and i'm currently getting more laser bc i just didn't get enough originally and never was able to go back for regular top-ups)
i also live in a place where queer people are just not really visible and it fucking SUCKS. but i suppose i'm lucky that there's a big city nearby which is gay af. maybe you have something similar which is commutable? it sounds like your friends will support you, which will help a great deal.
otherwise, what serial said.
This is the literal opposite of transmeds
I mean, yeah, but not everyone wants physical changes. So I don't want to assume anything
spoiler
Yeah that sounds as if you're under a ton of pressure. There comes a point where the closet gets unbearable and you just need to come out, it's good that you are aware of that. The first steps are the scariest, but it gets easier once you've taken that leap. You do not need to do all of it at once. It sounds as if your friend group is a very safe bet bc they are already accepting of gender diverse people, so i recommend starting there, one by one. Build a little support network. Then move up to telling your parents, then maybe your wider family. Work and day to day life sounds hardest, you should save that until you are secure and have settled in. But even then, being out to some people and having a space where you're accepted for who you are will take a massive burden off your back. I hope it all goes well for you.