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Check out this pecan pie i made | Trans Megathread for the Week 2025-12-01 to 2025-12-07
(hexbear.net)
Link to the recipe, it's vegan 
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sex (depressing)
In front of my friends I have bragged that I have had sex before.
I did not tell them that all of my consentual sexual encounters were at a gloryhole and with strangers and I did not like any of my encounters and I've even cried after them.
And they were done during my egg time back when I just wanted to feel something.
And I'm too ashamed of my body right now to try anything with anyone.
And the one time I had decent sex (the foot fetish guy if you somehow remember), he tried to get my number but I lied and didn't give him my number even though I probably should have. At least I would have a consistent hookup which is better than crying alone all the time dreaming about men.
All in all, I would say at the current point in my life, I feel too traumatised and scared to have sex. I literally could not feel good from it. This is despite me being a fairly horny individual (before hrt). Really ironic, no?
spoiler
It doesn't surprise me that intimacy is scary for you given your history and trauma. I imagine that idea of a consistent hookup was still too much intimacy for you at the time which is why you like protected yourself at a subconscious level by giving the wrong number. Maybe you would've got on with foot fetish man or maybe not, but I wouldn’t beat yourself up over the choice. There will be other men, even other foot fetish men. They've gloryhole situation also sounds like a way to engage in that sexual drive but without intimacy.You probably do have a lot to deal with before having sex or at least before having sex feels good for you as well (a very important underrated aspect of sex is that you should also be feeling good doing it). It tracks that you feel shame of your body, thats just dysphoria - I dont think you should feel it and hopefully that can change but it makes sense to me. Maybe one day you can have a slower paced thing with a man (or whatever) where you can feel safe and intimate and beautiful and have that drive satisfied. Working through your hangups with sex and intimacy without that still makes sense, and if you can find a trauma informed sex positive LGBT or ally therapist (and can afford one) Im sure that would be really great too.