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Rage? I'm not upset. You seem to be really invested in this though. I was being somewhat flippant in my last comment about the problem likely being you if you've somehow been the target of multiple noise complaints or if you've somehow known multiple people who would want someone evicted for a basic noise compaint, but this really is coming across as something personal for you.
The only person who mentioned eviction is you. And OP clearly isn't calling the cops on their neighbors, otherwise the landlord saying they needed a police report wouldn't be anywhere as much of a problem.
If a polite conversation doesn't work, and a not so polite conversation doesn't work, and the landlord stepping in doesn't work, then we're all adults and can just be increasingly passive agressive.
Transparent troll is transparent, a troll and unsuccessful.