this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2026
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They call dogs mans best friend, but we ignore the humble potato. Have they been with us as long as canines? No. That's why they're putting in so much effort to fufill our every need.
One day you're going to wake up and realize you love your potatoes. That they love you. The entire time, you'll know what you need to do. It will hurt, as it always does, as you boil and mash this tuber that was once your closest companion, but in return, they will give you a full days nourishment and only ask for a little more butter this time.
I love my dog, but I've never had to clean potato vomit out of a carpet at 3 am.
Lemme make a pot of mashed potatoes and get extremely drunk. We can change this.
Vodka, right?
Right? Just pressure-cook the potatoes in vodka before letting them completely cool and then mash them. Then it's not alcoholism, it's side-dishes.
You're missing the forest for the trees. Vodka can be, and is, made from potatoes. What is that if not the man's closest companion?
That's why I recommend using a pressure cooker instead of boiling them in vodka. Don't let anything evaporate. Boiling potatoes in water to mash them makes watery potatoes. Pressure cooking them in vodka makes the potatoes more potato.
^Note: Please don't actually pressure cook things with vodka. You're just begging for the world's scariest Molotov cocktail on your kitchen counter.^
How about a dog vomiting up raw potato? Cleaned that up yesterday
Thanks to the andeans who gave us the potato