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submitted 3 weeks ago by Wahots@pawb.social to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[-] neatchee@lemmy.world 65 points 3 weeks ago

No, it's not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were. I don't know if I'd go for full on snuggling but I come from a physically affectionate family and in general wish people were more comfortable with that kind of thing

[-] lechatron@lemmy.today 16 points 3 weeks ago

Interesting. I come from a family that wasn't very physically affectionate, and I hug most of my friends every time I see them.

[-] neatchee@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

I go for the hug when I see friends I haven't seen in a long time, or when I'm parting ways with someone I know I won't see for a while. But it's definitely not a regular occurrence

[-] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 7 points 3 weeks ago

I mentioned in my other reply that my hiking group hugs when we meet, which started as a joke when the women did, then stuck. Now, when someone new joins you can feel the emotion of missing out when they arrive, and the acceptance when it happens as they leave.

Next time a mixed gender group meets, and the women hug the women and men, etc, start a ridiculous laugh and pretend to hug one of the dudes. If he does, you may have started a trend.

[-] TranscendentalEmpire@lemm.ee 6 points 3 weeks ago

No, it's not socially acceptable. Yes, I wish it were.

Like, does this mean you are afraid of other people you don't know judging you, or that you or your friends find it socially unacceptable?

Either way that seems to be more of an individual problem rather than a social one. I am physically affectionate with my friends and have never been confronted about it by a member of the public , not that I would really care if I were. People be dumb, I'm not going to let someone else's projected homophobia dictate my friendship.

[-] neatchee@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

That it would be viewed as awkward and unwelcome by the other participants. Consent is key, yo

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[-] Chairsareoverrated@lemmy.world 32 points 3 weeks ago

Wait, so you all are telling me that you don't kiss the homies goodnight?

[-] Fern@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago

I'm a big hugger. I wish that there was more affection between men, I often worry I'm making other men uncomfortable and then in turn I get uncomfortable about it. The whole thing makes me far more stressed than I wish it did honestly.

[-] Nachorella 13 points 3 weeks ago

There's one guy in my little group of friends who is an unapologetic hugger, even though the rest of us don't really hug he'll always hug everyone goodbye. I'd say it's possible some guys don't enjoy it, but I actually really appreciate it about him, it's nice getting a hug and sometimes I really need one.

For anyone who really doesn't like it they can always offer their hand first, but on behalf of all the guys who need a little affection from their buds sometimes I wanna say thanks for being there for the friends who need it. Even if they never say so I'm sure some of them appreciate it.

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[-] tfowinder@lemmy.ml 24 points 3 weeks ago
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[-] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 20 points 3 weeks ago

Hugging, definitely.

Snuggling, maybe? Like maybe we both fell asleep in the back of a van and ended up snuggling a bit and when we woke up we're not weirded out by it.

Wrestling, maybe, but it would probably be with kids or pets around. I can't remember doing it but I wouldn't be weirded out by it.

It wasn't always this way though. I was raised southern Baptist. Becoming OK with male physical interactions and homosexuality was a journey, and I am much happier with how accepting I am now than when I said I was as a Christian who had this low-key hypocritical "I know the truth of god and accept everybody" while also looking down on sinners.

I have a gay friend who came to visit me and we went around the city and to a house party and had a great time and then fell asleep in the beach. The next day he said "that was one of the best dates I've ever been on" and it caught me off guard because I was just "hanging out", but if it had been a girl, it would have been a great date, and I thought "ok, sure, it was a 'date' with a guy friend and that's ok." It was a big step for me.

[-] HonkTonkWoman@lemm.ee 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Not really a response related to the post prompt, but more your comment…

I grew up on a farm in rural NC. Graduated college with a film degree & headed west to LA. I wound up rooming with a friend a from high school, his girlfriend, & her friend from fashion school…

…who turned out to be a 6’7”, 225lbs, gay volleyball player & ex-cheerleader from Korea.

My friend only knew me as the little redneck kid who used to throw rocks at rabbits & swore too much growing up. He lectured me on behaving around a gay man & really made a big deal about not being ass to our roommate.

4 years later I transitioned & got my first makeup lessons from that roommate. He became my drag mom 🤣

Time is a mindfuck sometimes…

[-] interrobang@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 weeks ago

Thats a super cute story 😁

[-] Trollivier@sh.itjust.works 18 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Hugging yes, but with a very limited range of friends, and I don't have much.

I'm okay with a guy initiating a hug, but sometimes it takes me by surprise. But it's a good surprise.

I feel it's acceptable, just doesn't happen often.

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[-] MigratingtoLemmy@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago

I can't seem to shake off the loud "It's Gay" inside my head when something like that happens. Now if it's a kid or a senior at work patting me, sure no problem. Occasional hugs upon meeting friends after a while, handshakes etc are fine. Anything else is too awkward for me

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[-] Dirk@lemmy.ml 17 points 3 weeks ago

I dislike touching people or being touched. Not that I have a phobia is suffer from, I just don't like it and try to avoid it when possible. So no, I am not physically affectionate with other friends (male or female alike).

Before there was a pandemic, touching people for welcome or goodbye was common (i.e "shaking hands"). But fortunately this is no longer the case. There are still some disrespectful and non-considerate persons around who want to touch you just to say hello, but they're in the minority.

[-] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 16 points 3 weeks ago

Nope. Nope.

I don't mind a hug, but I have zero desire to snuggle or wrestle with my friends, male or female.

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[-] datavoid@lemmy.ml 13 points 3 weeks ago

I have friends I will happily hug if we've been apart for a while.

Snuggling definitely sets off some kind of panic reaction in me however. Also, when unknown guys get too close, fight or flight immediately kicks in.

I'm sure there is nothing to unpack there.. nothing at all

[-] andrewta@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

No I'm not.

And honestly I'd say no I wouldn't want it to be.

Hug long term friends if not seen for a while or if any of us need a hug.

Wrestling and snuggling, erm nope.

Me and my homies always put kisses on texts and have for a decade at least. We will tell each other we love each other too.

[-] FookReddit69@lemm.ee 12 points 3 weeks ago

I'm not physically affectionate with anyone. I hate to be touched, especially by men.

[-] HelixDab2@lemm.ee 12 points 3 weeks ago

No.

Yes, I wish it was more socially acceptable, but I still wouldn't be physically affectionate. Because autism.

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[-] ggwithgg@feddit.nl 12 points 3 weeks ago

Yep, a greeting hug when you meet a friend is very common here. Sometimes it is a handshake with pat on the shoulder, or just a handshake.

Don't really think about it much

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[-] verdigris@lemmy.ml 12 points 3 weeks ago

Hugging, definitely. No playful wrestling since high school, and what there was there was definitely more motivated by competition and testosterone than affection.

As for snuggling, I wouldn't want to snuggle with anyone that I didn't have at least some sexual attraction to, unless I was in serious emotional distress and just needed it for the reversion to childhood. So I don't snuggle with guys. I don't know of many straight women who snuggle with their platonic friends either, beyond like sharing a blanket for a movie.

[-] Reygle@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

I haven't had anything beyond a hug from my mother in 10 years.

A boss of mine some time ago would sneak up and pat me on the back, scaring me most of the time. Back then I hated it.

These days something like that would make my whole week.

[-] moonburster@lemmy.world 11 points 3 weeks ago

Hugging yes, "playful" wrestling no. When we wrestle we do it hard and I 8/10 times come home bruised

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[-] Grimm665@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

I (from the US) visited my cousins in Italy, and as we were driving around, my cousin and his best friend were joking back and forth in Italian, and it ended with him just kissing his friend on the cheek out of nowhere. It was very cute and entirely non sexual lol. Got a kick out of it since i don't really see that at all in the US.

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[-] hperrin@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

I hug my friends. I don’t want to snuggle with them.

[-] aphlamingphoenix@lemm.ee 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I am bisexual and somewhat poly. With some of my friends I have a more publicly physical/intimate relationship. We may hold hands, hug, or kiss. In private, we cuddle and... do other things as well. I imagine the straights of Lemmy will largely tell you they don't cuddle their male friends while the queer folk will give a different answer.

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[-] teawrecks@sopuli.xyz 10 points 3 weeks ago

When I was in highschool, it was normal for everyone in my mostly male friend group to greet each other with hugs. I remember my dad saying he found it weird. Didn't change anything.

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[-] Modva@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Snuggling? Uh, that's a hard no. I can't imagine that. I'd be extremely uncomfortable.

Hugging? Yup, lots of hugging in my friends and family.

I don't wish for more physical affection among males, seems good as is.

[-] KRAW@linux.community 9 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

I hug my guy friends when I haven't seen them in a while (e.g. my friends who live far away). Snuggling is super weird, and I don't know of any guys who have done that. Feels like if I did, my wife would not be very happy. Affectionate fighting seems just over the top. Seems like something limited to children and movies.

I think the amount of physical affection I get from other men is fine. Don't really need more

[-] ristoril_zip@lemmy.zip 9 points 3 weeks ago

Is the implication here that adult women snuggle/wrestle with their friends? Outside of porn videos?

[-] ryannathans@aussie.zone 6 points 3 weeks ago

My female friends do, so yes

[-] Wahots@pawb.social 6 points 3 weeks ago

Not necessarily. I've noticed female friends tend to be much more adept at physical affection on the whole. Men tend to have a much wider range, with some hugging you (male) like a 2x4, whereas others shimmy over to you and rest their head or arm around you on a chairlift.

Mostly, I wanted to hear how male-male friends and family treated each other physically, without the complication of SOs or romantic partners fuzzing the responses (since people tend to already be physically affectionate with romantic partners).

It's been really interesting to hear, the responses are much more diverse than I was expecting, and it's really heartwarming to see.

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[-] Blizzard@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 weeks ago
[-] neidu2@feddit.nl 8 points 3 weeks ago

Eons ago, in my twenties, some friends and I had a party. There were a lot of people there, so it was pretty crowded in the couch.

A friend of mine arrived, and he was having trouble finding a place to sit, so I sat back and told him half as a joke "You always have a seat in my lap". He took me up on the offer.

After a while of him sitting there, both of us enjoying the spectacle around the table, one of us (I don't remember who) said:

"This was surprisingly pleasant"
We're both straight dudes.

[-] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 8 points 3 weeks ago

I'm not no. I'd give my buddies a hug if I haven't seen them in a while, but that's really it. I think it should be more socially acceptable but I don't personally feel like anything is missing from my own relationship with them. It's fine for me how it is.

[-] lechatron@lemmy.today 8 points 3 weeks ago

I started going to raves shortly after high school in the late 90s. The culture is all about love. I hug all of my friends (male or female) when I see them. I tell them as often as possible that I love them too.

[-] Wytch@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 weeks ago

No, I don't have close friends. I prefer not to touch or be touched anyway, particularly by other men.

I don't mind if it became more socially acceptable, probably would be healthier overall. As long as it's also acceptable to be able to request no touching.

[-] SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Somewhat. Hugging yes, snuggling no, playful wrestling when certain friends are particularly drunk.

Yes, I do wish it was more socially acceptable

Frodo and Sam should be fucking role models, especially the book versions who were even more deeply close than the films.

I mean, honestly, for fantasy, the entire Lord of the Rings series is replete with strong men expressing emotion in healthy ways to deal with the horrors of what they were facing. They sing deeply loving songs for fallen comrades, notably Boromir even after he makes a grave mistake, already forgiven, while giving him the best of funerals they can (In their song for Boromir, Aragorn even calls Boromir beautiful[^1]). They cry for one another and feel great distress at the suffering of those in their fellowship. They carry each others' burdens up to Sam literally carrying Frodo up Mount Doom. Anyway, they weren't unwilling to show physical affection or speak highly of another's beauty.

[^1]: "His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest," In every context of Toklein using the word "fair" in LOTR, it has been taken to mean "beautiful."

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[-] JayDee@lemmy.ml 7 points 3 weeks ago

I'm becoming more comfortable with shoulder pats n shit, hugs too. Wrestling isn't my jam anymore. Gimme a dagorhir sword, or some other foam sword and let's have a no-holds-barred swashbuckle.

[-] Decency8401@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

In my culture, it is almost weird for men to have feelings. Everybody knows that men aren't emotionless machines, but they sometimes forget that. So you can guess that hugging a man as a man is somewhat weird. Before COVID, it was common to give handshakes; after that, pretty much every interaction stopped. Yes, I would really wish that it became more socially accepted. Because I think, When everybody interacts on a physical level, people will be less tense and more relaxed.

Edit: Well I need to correct myself, I think it is not really a social problem, but it rather is a me problem. I'm not very comfortable with touching somebody so it could be that I've been ignoring those interactions for years.

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[-] DV8@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

I do more than playfully wrestle with my friends. As I do BJJ. I actively try to choke them out or try to break their limbs or try to tear their ligaments apart. It's very fun for all. Though while it's open to anyone I do get most people wouldn't enjoy it. It's personally physical to the extreme since on top of the close physical contact you're also sweating all over each other to the point sweat dripping in your eyes or mouth will statistically happen at least once.

Honestly if you feel like you miss playful fighting with friends, do a trial class of it.

[-] hexabs@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

Very poor phrasing at the start there.

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[-] JimmyBigSausage@lemm.ee 6 points 3 weeks ago

You guys have friends?

[-] bizzle@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

I really like personal space. I hug my family because we're close and we hug, and I'll hug my closer dawgs if they need it, but most of the time I want people to respect my personal space.

[-] Monument 6 points 3 weeks ago

I’m not very physically affectionate with anyone anymore and I don’t know why, but I used to be very affectionate. Now, like, when I want to hug someone, throw my arm around them, or… anything, I freeze up and internally panic unless I know the person pretty well and they invite the contact first.

With that said, meh. I don’t care if it’s a man. I don’t enjoy wrestling, but other forms of affection or physical contact are fine. I have no sexual interest in men, so I guess I don’t even think about it that way.

[-] random_character_a@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

Local culture is not touchy feely, but we have no problem being naked around strangers in sauna/spa environment.

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this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2024
190 points (92.8% liked)

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