Knowing is half the battle.

I was one of those "gifted children that was too lazy" and my mother was one of those "nothing can be wrong with my child or it reflects poorly on me!" and I got diagnosed with full blown ADHD at 29.

Therapy and drugs are great. And I'm glad you were aware enough to get your child tested. Early is for their best.

Exact same story down to every detail. Both parents teachers, but no clue. The weirdest conclusions and theories about me. Like: Far below average intelligence, but with a talent for languages and mathematics (is that even a thing?), which got me through school with effortless Cs. Most of the time I (and probably others) thought I was just a general shithead.

I realised what it was 4 years ago and told a psychiatrist, who did not disagree, but was like: woa, hold your horses. Got a referral to a full neurological & psychiatric check-up from my GP, who wrote on the referral that he suspects ADD without hyperactivity, 1 1/2 years ago. Couldn't use it, because they are overrun by more urgent cases.

Started paying out of pocked to a private clinic 6 months ago and got the official, written diagnosis 1 month ago (exactly what my GP already suspected). Since then, lots of delays to get treatment. No appointments, then appointment available, but latest bloodwork and ECG expired etc. Had one appointment last week cancelled 2 hours before start.

Honestly, with a medical system so overrun, a GP should just be authorised to do the diagnostic if supported by purely computer evaluated multiple choice test. The standardized tests appear to be the foundation anyway, and the many hours of additional psychiatric evaluation are just something that the medical system can't support.

And yes, now my child. He is a true math genius who could do 2 or 3 classes above his own, but he hates books (only since school, not before!) and his reading & writing is just a hateful, effortless B. In two languages equally well, though. I suspect something is up there, but don't want to project. I never had problems understanding math, but was certainly not ahead of the class. Loved books though, perfect spelling.

Let's hope things work out for us and our children!

I've heard it is almost common practice now to test the parents for ADD if a kid has it.

"Why can't I have a better parent to teach me?"

Getting told off even gently felt like an unbearable punishment for some reason. I read something recently about adhd folks being more sensitive to negative interactions?

Check out Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It's a common side effect of ADHD.

Problem is that the approach "MUST do NOW, until it is DONE!" doesn't work for many of us. I developed methods for myself, which I try to apply to my own child now, like: "When you get home from school, lay out everything you need to work, then relax. At time X, do 15 minutes on a timer, as far as you get."

He still moans and groans about it, and it's hard for me to tell if my "soft push" feels to him like the "hard push" I got. It's all relative, and nobody else can tell.

The trauma of dad trying his best with 6th grade math homework he can't actually do...

A lot of parents don't know better. This is what they grew up with.

Oh my God, are you every teacher I had since the 4th grade?

The Harsh Internal Critic has been the bane of my life. Every hobby or achievement has been hounded by that little voice. And as you say, when I think I need to get help, the voice tells me :No. Don't do that, just sit there watching YouTube for another hour."

Lazy is just a label we apply to people to shame them into doing what we want them to.

most engineers are lazy and that's often a good thing

Old article, but it talks about harnessing that a little

I'm sorry this happened to you and hope you are in a better place now. I know how it feels.

When a former employer sent me on business trips, the bean counters would complain that my descriptions for the purpose of meals on my expenses were not descriptive enough, as if the purpose of eating was not obvious. I ended up writing something like "nourishment to remain alive while traveling for XYZ project" out of frustration after that. That did the trick and shut them up. I suppose it was hard to argue that description, because if they disputed it, they'd basically be admitting they were sending me away because they wanted me to die.

The trick is to either get an example from them of what they think is a descriptive invoice, or to break down your invoice filling procedure into a step by step workflow or checklist.

Someone isn’t necessarily being an asshole, that person has their own struggles, goals and priorities. Managing a condition and someone else’s expectations or their own condition is the hardest part of working together. This is where soft skills help, too