I want to escape my abusive adoptive parents (and that entire dysfunctional family) and enjoy my hobbies.

Also probably go to therapy and maybe grad school

Playing every bideo gay ever released and writing silly goofy essays about them in my head no one will ever read while I involuntarily memorise every single texture and ui element indexed in my head permanently for no particular reason.

And cats

My girlfriend and experiencing worthwhile media

Nothing

I will continue to wake up,until one day,I won't

curiosity for what comes next, as we are going to live through what may be the most turbulent times in human history and I wanna see how things go

Don't have one, don't actually need one. Keep waking up every day one way or the other.

There's about ten million albums i haven't heard yet.

I look at the infrastructure and think about how we should build it. Sometimes I tell people that building the infrastructure will be expensive, sometimes peoples tell me I'm wrong. Fuck do I wish I was wrong more often.

Well, for a long time it was getting my black belt in BJJ. It's a tangible, finite, far off goal that can be achieved through my own work and dedication. However, 11 years later it's likely no further out than a well planned vacation, I have enough money to afford tuition until then, there's nothing more I must to learn about the art, I am 3-1 against black belts in competition, and I'm no longer coaching. When I was starting, it felt like this far off goal and you could day dream like "is it even possible? imagine what it would be like... what a wonderful journey ahead of me!" and now it's like being tenured so if I think it would be funny to practice punch chokes, wrist locks, and foot sweeps then I can run around giggling and seldom am I kept in check. If I hear them groan from top pressure I'll squeeze the air out of their torso like deflating a mattress until they sweep me so I can practice my escapes instead. The point being that this goal that was so far off stops being such a driving force in my life because the goal isn't even off over the horizon anymore - it's (likely) <50 commutes away.

Therefore it forces my perspective to shift. I've been doing a lot of heavy emotional work lately (which is the impetus for writing this out). My intention, informed by multiple bouts of achieving things I set my mind to, is to do what I do mindfully instead of zerging to the goal with the punchy epithet. I want to enjoy it, decorate it, research it, savor doing it, face failure unabashedly, and put it down when it doesn't excite me regardless of the treadmill implying there's some new shiny thing to progress to. I'd also love to use my cultivated skills, natural talent and demeanor to help people. Like if I could feasibly help the LGBT find a foothold in martial arts (especially curated and abridged for self defense/being protest ready) then I'd consider it a huge win. I think there are proportionately less lefties than there are the other things at the highest belt level and proportionately less of them are in charge of gyms/programs. And those gyms/programs are proportionately less geared towards the specific audience of hexchuds.

Right now? Being honest and true to myself. Discovering who I am and becoming the person I want to be. I'm 21 now, and have started grappling with finding an identity. I think I'm making good progress in that regard.

But my lifelong goals? I live to see communism take hold in my country, no matter how long it takes. My friends are all moving away because they can't afford to keep living here under capitalism. I will destroy capitalism, make this country prosper and bring my friends home.

I've been learning that no matter what, I'm gonna have to do this the long way. So I'll try to live my life and learn how to be a person. I want to be a person who exists, not the perfect person who could never exist. And that means living and loving and failing and getting hurt and getting back up again. So that's what I'll do.

There are millions of different lives I would like to lead. I've only got one chance. I should make it worth it.

To take as much money from the state as I can

Idk, I just exist...

The wonderful people in my life keep me going. I am driven by the beautiful things life has in store, hidden away just out of sight. I aim to be a little better every day, to give kindness to others and contribute to positive changes in the world at large.

Meaning of life? Its short and when it ends that is that so we aught to appreciate ourselves, what is around us, and to help others do the same. We are the universe experiencing itself through a intricate system of chemical reactions. I think that is meaning enough.

Unironically, my subs

Also, my desire to care for individual people in my small vicinity brought about by inspirations related to the first point (while me being a socialist does that on a more macro scale, but I'm actually kind of powerless to effect change there), as well as my desire to get good at math, with the proof being me doing math research.

I want to take care of other trans people and help my community become stronger. Not sure I can do anything else for the world but I can do that.

Popcorn. Barrel strength wiskey. 42.

Hedonism.