this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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Microblog Memes

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[–] GuyDudeman@lemmy.world 101 points 2 months ago (6 children)

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”

[–] socsa@piefed.social 15 points 2 months ago (2 children)

What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?

[–] Gaspar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 38 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn't doing anything.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

But like, my silence buys me a solid glance, right?

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

Don't make it weird man.

[–] CooperRedArmyDog@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 months ago

Absolutly not, your scielence is what a normal person does, the glance is creepy

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 1 points 2 months ago
[–] Meron35@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Then they stole my heart

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 5 points 2 months ago

No, it's just budgeted into the prices.

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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 78 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn't.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Best case they're going to eat it.

Worst case you can buy warm coat meat off them later in a flat roof pub so they can buy heroin.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

People need heroin too.

[–] dunidane 70 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people's situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don't accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn't be able to legally drive then.

Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.

My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol... So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.

Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn't depict the intentional malice.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

Nah, this one is Tennessee

[–] NounsAndWords@lemmy.world 67 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 20 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.

more laconic, more punny

EDIT :

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily

variant keeping arbitrarily

[–] ReCursing@lemmings.world 53 points 2 months ago

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

[–] Nester@feddit.uk 41 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

One time I saw an obvious homeless man grab a pizza slice. He ate it in the aisle I was in, locking eyes with me. I was kind of looking through him, because he was standing where I needed to grab the item I wanted.

And as I got closer, he said, "I'll pay for it." And I had to explain, "Bro I'm just trying to get some soup I don't know what you're talking about."

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago

That's the way.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

We’re combing the desert.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago

It's okay everyone, I speak jive. They said "by golly, I haven't seen anything".

[–] socsa@piefed.social 40 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

I will never see someone stealing food.

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You guys ever just mind your own fucking business? I'm really into minding my own fucking business.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

For some reason, I thought you were getting furious at all the folks calling out the British museum

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

These fucks think I’d tell them even if I did 😂. I didn’t even snitch on shoplifters when they were stealing from the place I worked, you do you and I’ll do me.

[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

I did the same.

I didn't snitch on shoplifters at work and i shoplifted myself long before that.

The funny thing was, i saw another person noticing the shoplifting - they saw me too. We just nodded and went our ways.

These shoplifters had a double endorsement on that day.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

hey stealing is a proud British tradition stop denigrating our traditions.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 28 points 2 months ago

Notice they used an image of wine, not a more basic foodstuff. That's called Manufacturing Consent.

[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 24 points 2 months ago

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they're too large to fit in the British Museum.

[–] boredtortoise@lemm.ee 21 points 2 months ago

I never saw nuffin narc

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 14 points 2 months ago

Snitches get stitches. Don't rat people out.

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It always is amusing when British people accuse Roma of being thieves when they can't even have the English language without stealing widely from others.

[–] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 months ago

Stealing words can only be as bad as piracy, the original owners are not deprived of what they owned.

[–] DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You must be over 1000000 years old to see that happen

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Nah, just your humble reincarnated Babylonian horror

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 months ago

And with all that going for you, it's hard to be humble!

[–] Fedegenerate@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)
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