this post was submitted on 14 Jan 2025
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badposting

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If Hyrule is cursed to have Ganondorf constantly reincarnate and try to become King, couldn't Link defeat him by making the position of King a mostly ceremonial one and making Zelda the prime minister (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by BadTakesHaver@hexbear.net to c/badposting@hexbear.net
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[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 23 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

No no no, you see. This calls for a more nuanced stratrgy.

Step 1. on the edges of Hyrule, find the most useless, worthless plot of land you won’t miss. How about Evertide Island?

Step 2. excommunicate it from Hyrule

Step 3. Give Hyrule its original name back: Grooseland

Step 4. Send some random guy to “discover” Evertide Island or any other useless plot of land of your choosing and name it “Hyrule”.

Step 5. Voila! Now Ganondorf is only king of the worthless plot of land known as Hyrule and can never become king of Grooseland.

[–] Evilsandwichman@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

Step 6. Voila! You just recreated Israel

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 7 points 3 weeks ago

Once king, he's due to return Hyrule to its glory days and engage in war against Grooseland.

[–] newmou@hexbear.net 14 points 3 weeks ago

Kind of realizing now that eternal Ganondorf grinding against the feudal empire of Hyrule is a metaphor for the constant dialectical eroding power of proto-capitalism, but instead of the leaders of the different species responding with inter-feudal fallout wars in the face of changing material conditions, they keep just being nice to each other lol

[–] ComradeMonotreme@hexbear.net 13 points 3 weeks ago

Shad remarks somewhere that all great, Hyrule facts and personages occur, as it were, eternally. He has forgotten to add: the first dozen or so times as tragedy, but eventually it must occur as farce

Link the 18th Feroru of Gannondorf

[–] propter_hog@hexbear.net 12 points 3 weeks ago

Man fuck you this is badposting, all posts are supposed to be bad

[–] take_five_seconds@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago

wow spoilers

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 10 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

am i the only one who saw the 2003 spy action-comedy / Rowan Atkinson star vehicle Johnny English?

Mr. Bean plays a bumbling MI7 agent who, after accidentally killing all the other secret government agents, becomes the last / #1 spy. he then bumbles upon a plot by the antagonist (played at 110% by Sir John Malkovich)--a french prison magnate and distant heir of the throne--to retake the throne and use it's bizarre, "ceremonial" powers to turn the country into his personal prison.

the point is, you can just let Ganondorf become the king of hyrule, ceremonial or otherwise. because he's french.

[–] m532@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 3 weeks ago

I think I saw that one like 10 times

Was my favorite movie for a long time

[–] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Also, how does the name "Hyrule" last so long? BotW and TotK take place enough time after the rest of the games that language would've evolved and names would probably be different.

[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

The Hylian Academy is highly prescriptivist and resists any linguistic shift

[–] courier8377@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Personally i don't believe in the timeline theories, even though they're canon

[–] 4am@lemm.ee 8 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Zelda games are better thought of as retelling of the same tale in different cultures/times/universes, with their own cultural spin on it. Like Wind Waker is some fishing tribe legend.

And the goddesses who created all these multiverse dimensions are the commonality that plants the seed within them. Some real like echos in the fabric of all creation shit.

None of this “back when Hyrule was actually high in the sky and we did bird school” shit

[–] courier8377@hexbear.net 3 points 3 weeks ago

Preach

[–] courier8377@hexbear.net 1 points 2 weeks ago

New headcanon: 3 goddesses are bene gesserit in search for some muad dib to weild all 3 pieces of the triforce or something, accounting for the close similarities in myths &c

[–] DefinitelyNotAPhone@hexbear.net 9 points 3 weeks ago

He's cursed to haunt Link and Zelda's lineage forever, the king bit is because it's almost always the same Ganondorf and he's pissed Hyrule left his tribe to die in the desert pre-OoT and can't let it go no matter how many times he fails.

[–] CliffordBigRedDog@hexbear.net 8 points 3 weeks ago

Why didnt link just vote

[–] tombruzzo@hexbear.net 7 points 3 weeks ago

Serious answer: Something something, Ganondorf's power gives him the ultimate monopoly on violence in the kingdom, something something.

Bad posting answer: Link is the triforce of skrunkly goblinishness and just needs to hit a shield surf on the same frame he collides with Ganondorf's head to totally dunk on him