this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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The Onion

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[–] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 82 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Personally I'd like to see what a fully armed and operational Swiss Guard would do.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 42 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Kill a lot of Nazis, as they are wont to do.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 15 points 6 days ago

That would be the happiest day of my life.

[–] Brunbrun6766@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago

Too bad the Vatican they protect, then helped those Nazis escape to South America

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 5 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Statistically it's most likely they dig holes and stay put, maybe repaint some 'barns' and blow up a bunch of bridges. No wait, that's what the Swiss Armed Forces would do. I have no clue what's statistically most like they would do.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 27 points 6 days ago (2 children)

The Vatican Is less tolerant and kind than the US police forces

[–] octopus_ink@slrpnk.net 22 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

The Vatican Is less sympathetic to their cause than the US police forces

FTFMe.

Any illusions I had a about a gram of tolerance and kindness in US police evaporated while I spent half a year watching them beat and instigate with protestors, among other things.

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 20 points 6 days ago (1 children)

If you think qualified immunity from Uncle Sam is good, just wait till you see a guy hopped up on qualified immunity from God

[–] TheReturnOfPEB@reddthat.com 17 points 6 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

RuPaul would be the best of popes.

edit: i was closer than i thought i would be

[–] turtlesareneat@discuss.online 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Several people have done good pope drag, and I would see any of them in the office: Catherine O'Hara, pre-rape Marilyn Manson, the dude from Francis Bacon's Study after Portrait of Pope Innocent X. But RuPaul would probably be the best in terms of policy.

[–] rekabis@lemmy.ca 8 points 5 days ago

DON’T GIVE THOSE MORANS ANY IDEAS, YOU FOOLS!!!1!

I mean, I’m a hard atheist that would gladly classify religion as child abuse, thereby preventing any exposure until a person has become an adult. That alone would dramatically restrict religion to the mentally ill within only a generation or two.

But judging from Francis’ track record, there is still hope for the Catholic Church to still do some material good, if they elect the right pontiff.

Russia has probably sabotaged that election, too....

[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Fac Vaticanem Magni Iterum

[–] DisOne@lemm.ee 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 6 points 6 days ago (2 children)
[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

"People named Roman, they go to the house" ?

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 2 points 5 days ago

"It says 'Romans go home!'"

[–] No1@aussie.zone 5 points 5 days ago

Make the Vatican great again!

[–] Patronus@lemmy.world 5 points 5 days ago

I would love to see the Vatican guards in their awesome uniforms and shiny spears show MAGA what they're all about!!

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

The world would be so much better if Trump became pope.

Edit: To clarify, that would of course mean he'd have to resign as US president.

[–] Hawke@lemmy.world 13 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Y’know I think you’re actually right. It would get him out of power in the US.

[–] Steve@startrek.website 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Of course. He can't be both.

[–] selkiesidhe@lemm.ee 2 points 5 days ago

Vance killed the last pope so...

Oooooh I see what you doin'

[–] daskye@fedia.io 6 points 6 days ago (4 children)

???? Is he even a candidate?

[–] console@lemmy.world 59 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] Quill7513@slrpnk.net 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

In this case I get it. I really get it.

[–] console@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

Yeah, we do live in the darkest timeline

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 15 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Fun fact if he was baptized as a catholic he is eligible.

[–] EpeeGnome@lemm.ee 9 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Yes, there is precedent. Some random Catholic who wasn't even a priest got selected after a conclave had been stuck in political deadlock for literal years. He couldn't actually take the job till he was ordained, which he did. He immediately instituted a bunch of rules including locking them away together with no luxuries until a decision was made to make sure that problem didn't happen again. (It happened again multiple times anyway.)

[–] Fishroot@hexbear.net 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] coronach 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Just checked: this is real....

[–] Fishroot@hexbear.net 1 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Soy fascism is what you get when you don't have a legion of traumatized soldier coming back for a world war.

[–] nohaybanda@hexbear.net 5 points 6 days ago

Psst, check out the comm name

[–] DisOne@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago

And now Cardinal Robert Prevost first USAian to be elected pope - perhaps Trump delegated the job…?

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 3 points 6 days ago

Just call them rebels.